


Affairs

by Kiominnie



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-03-07 00:03:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 46,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiominnie/pseuds/Kiominnie
Summary: Howon loves Myungsoo but his body yearns for Sunggyu, between love and lust, his life quickly turns into a mess





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, it's my first time uploading my work on AO3!! I already posted this fanfic on AFF but I thought that it wouldn't hurt to start posting here as well. So I hope you will support this story and I can't wait to see your comments about it :)
> 
> English isn't my first language so forgive the grammar errors and stuff~
> 
> I also want to thank my friend Soma who helped me A LOT ^^
> 
> Finally, I sincerely wish you will enjoy the read.

Howon reached into his pockets, hoping to find some money to get few drinks at the convenience store on his way home that morning, after a long night spent clubbing. He pushed the door awkwardly, welcomed by the cashier's beautiful smile.

 

“Good morning Howon" greeted the boy as the latter picked few cans of energy drinks in the fridge, smiling back at him with a nod.

 

Every morning was good when greeted by such a beautiful smile, mused Howon as his glance crossed the cashier’s charming eyes which followed him, detailing his handsome face, his glance falling on his lips curled into a sweet smile. Kim Myungsoo was the cutest guy he ever got to meet, he had started to work part time in this convenient store where Howon went almost everyday, listening to his best friend’s-who also was Howon’s roommate at the dorm he lived in-advice. The three of them were on the same year and were basically hanging out together all the time at university.

 

It only had taken few talks for Howon to start liking Myungsoo actually.

 

They started to hang out just to two of them, and few weeks before, they agreed on starting to date after Myungsoo confessed to him, but Howon was still unsure toward his feelings for the boy and what was really going on with him. It felt nice, but he couldn’t help but hold himself back most of the time about all the things he’d want to do to him, too scared to hurt or to offend him because his boyfriend was totally unexperimented. He still wanted to make it work, firstly because Sungyeol was pushing them into each other’s arms, and secondly because Myungsoo was everything someone could ask about.

 

"You’ve been drinking again?" He added as Howon shrugged.

 

"Woohyun dragged me with him" he replied as Myungsoo frowned slightly at his obvious lie. “Again…”

 

"Sounds tiring" he breathed out, looking slightly displeased as Howon put the drinks on the counter. "You should rest, since you don’t have any classes today" Myungsoo added with a short sigh, his usual adorable little grin on the corner of his lips disappearing for a moment.

 

"I’m going out with Woohyun and Sunggyu hyung again tonight" Howon leaned against the counter as Myungsoo scanned the can and put them into a plastic bag, slowly.

 

His boyfriend seemed to be sulking a bit as he reluctantly grabbed the money, looking like he wanted to chat a little bit more.

 

"I wanted to spend time with you..." Myungsoo pouted, giving his change to Howon who just tried not to smile too widely as he stuffed the few bills into his pocket.

 

“Come after your shift, I think I’ll be awake by then” Howon answered, trying not to sound too enthusiastic about it as he grabbed his hand intertwining their fingers, watching his boyfriend blushing slightly at the sudden move, his cute lips curling into an adorable grin that melted Howon. He fought the urge to kiss him, cursing mentally at whoever invented cctv.

 

“I’ll be there around 4” Myungsoo still smiled, refusing to let go of his hand for a short while as the other picked up his plastic bag. The boy finally released him and waved cutely as Howon exited the shop as awkwardly as he came in, his heart beating a bit faster than before.

 

Howon was a second year in college and lived in a dorm where he shared a room with two other boys, Woohyun and Sungyeol, who quickly became his closest friends.

 

Woohyun was the most popular out of their little group, especially from when he started to work part time in a coffee shop near the campus, and Sungyeol gladly followed everywhere pretty girls were and started working with him there after a while.

 

Howon wasn’t that interested at first, but quickly started to follow his roommates to clubs, or even went by himself or with other friends sometimes to dance and get wasted.

 

Sungyeol was already up when he reached his apartment that morning; eating breakfast with Dongwoo, a senior from college who lived in the same dorm.

 

"Good morning" greeted Sungyeol cheerfully as Howon replied with a groan, sitting at the kitchen's table opening a can of energy drink, feeling hangover hitting him now that he finally sat down. "Seems like someone had a rude night"

 

"Is Woohyun home yet?" Howon asked. “I lost him”

 

"Yeah he came back earlier" Sungyeol replied between two mouthful of rice with a shrug. "What about you? Where have you been this time?"

 

"I honestly don't know" Howon sighed because he had remembered entering the club and dancing with Woohyun and some other friends, but nothing about what happened next.

 

"I bet you passed out on a bench again" Sungyeol beamed, scoffing at him as he laughed back half heartedly.

 

"Nothing good happen when you’re too drunk" Howon whispered, feeling slightly nauseous as he started to eat food from the bowl Dongwoo put in front of him on the table. “I’ll stay in bed today”

 

"You went to see Myungsoo at the convenient store?” Dongwoo pronounced, pointing the energy drinks with his index as Howon nodded.

 

"How are things going with him, by the way?" Sungyeol pronounced. “He complained that you were going out too often without him, and even asked me if you only dated him only because he’s convenient”

 

"You can't date someone because of this" replied Dongwoo as Howon rolled his eyes, thanking him silently for his good sense, thinking that nothing about Myungsoo was convenient.

 

"You should treat him better" insisted Sungyeol.

 

"I know" Howon sighed, resting his forehead against his palm. He liked Myungsoo a lot; he was cute, smart, nice, interesting and witty all together. But he still made him feel so frustrated, because their relationship resembled any other friendships between two boys, with a little bit of skinship like kisses or holding hands as a bonus, and a lot of pretty realistic wet dreams which were driving him crazy.

 

“It still feels like I’m hanging out with one of you” Howon breathed out as his friends both facepalmed.

 

"You never…?" Sungyeol laughed but soon stopped when he caught Howon staring at him with a death glare.

 

“As much as I want to...”

 

"..."

 

“Wow” Dongwoo only added, adjusting his position on his chair. “You usually easily get to that part quickly”

 

Howon sucked his breath, putting his chopsticks back on the table, feeling too nauseous to eat, and wanted to run away from this kind of conversation at this moment, or at any other moments.

 

He felt frustrated enough already.

 

"Whatever I'm going to wash up and sleep now" he replied, giving his bowl to Dongwoo who shrugged and ate from it.

 

 

********

 

 

Woohyun frowned, extending his arm to grop his phone on his nightstand, feeling light from his window piercing through his still heavy eyelids.

 

He sat up, finally opening an eye rubbing his face to try waking himself up without success; it was afternoon already, late enough for him to get up after replying to the few text messages he got during the day. He stretched his arms removing the blankets that tangled around him before dragging his tired body to the kitchen to get something to drink, without taking time to put some clothes on.

 

He opened the fridge, humming a song, looking for something to ease his thirst before being startled by the ring bell.

 

Woohyun sighed but still went to open the door, a pack of orange juice in his hand; suddenly remembering, a bit too late, that he was only wearing his underwear.

 

The door opened on Myungsoo, Howon's boyfriend, who was smiling shyly.

 

“Hello Myungsoo” his most beautiful smile plastered on his face, nonchalantly stretching to expose his torso but the boy didn't even look impressed by his toned body.

 

"Good afternoon hyung, Howon is awake?" He asked as Woohyun shrugged in answer, a bit offended that Myungsoo ignored him this way, but still let him in.

 

"He was still sleeping when I woke up a while ago" Woohyun pronounced as Myungsoo pouted sadly. "Don’t worry I’ll wake him up in no time" he finally added with a smile who nodded, entering the room and kicked the bunch of blankets his friend was sleeping under.

 

“Do you want to die?" Howon articulated in a sleepy tone, emerging from behind his blankets.

 

Woohyun laughed loudly and patted Myungsoo’s back as his friend finally noticed his boyfriend’s presence, before leaving them alone.

 

He wondered if something finally happened between those two, and promised himself to ask Howon about it later, because he felt curious about how a cutie like Myungsoo would be in the sheets. It seemed nice, having a boyfriend and settle up, having someone to get nasty with or to cuddle at night. And if he could have a boyfriend as lovable as Myungsoo, he was sure that he'd take care of him well.

 

There was this senior that he met through Dongwoo who caught his eyes recently.

 

His name was Kim Sunggyu.

 

Wondering how he would ask him out, he cowardly kept inviting him to his parties with Howon and few other friends.

 

Woohyun found himself caring, a lot more than he had been until this day, about what someone would think about him. He wanted to find a good way to grow closer to this guy. Sunggyu talked a lot lately with Sungyeol and Dongwoo, and even spent few evenings playing drinking games with Howon late at night.

 

Drinking up his orange juice and sinking in the couch still without wearing any other clothes than his underwear, he scrolled down his sns accounts trying to find something to do to busy the end of his afternoon.

 

***

 

Woohyun finally ended up calling Kibum, his childhood friend, to go shopping and to get advices to seduce Sunggyu.

 

“You’re being shy now?” Kibum scoffed after he explained the situation to him, sipping on his iced americano as they walked in the crowded streets of Hongdae. “Just charm him as you alway do, it usually works pretty well, isn’t it?”

 

“I don’t know.. I can’t really tell what he’s thinking” Woohyun sighed.

 

Sunggyu always seemed discontented or even slightly annoyed usually, apart when he laughed at some of Howon’s lame jokes, or when he’d react to Woohyun’s aegyo attack with a half embarrassed, half mocking smile.

 

“Seems like he becomes touchy when drunk, he was all over Howon yesterday” Kibum laughed again at the memory as Woohyun frowned, hoping that his roommate wouldn’t be a threat anymore now that he got a boyfriend. “You should be glad that this guy is too dense to get the hint”

 

“Nah he’s too busy dating Myungsoo anyway” Woohyun tried to laugh it off, but it seemed that Howon had a kind of awkward charm that attracted people. “I hope so at least”

 

“You should try a different strategy after tonight” Kibum added, stopping suddenly in front of a shop to watch some clothes in the window. “Like usual dates, or drinking just the two of you… something more intimate”

 

Woohyun sighed, he felt nervous to be left alone with Sunggyu to be honest, but he knew that he had no choice if he wanted them to grow closer and to have a chance to date him.

 

He promised himself to try to invite him somewhere nice, an evening after his shift at the coffee shop he worked part time at for example. He grinned to himself, thinking that there was no way Sunggyu wouldn’t fall for him after seeing how good he looked in his waiter outfit.


	2. Chapter 2

Howon groaned, feeling a wave of fresh air hitting his body as Myungsoo removed the blankets to lie beside him.

 

“I knew that you'd still be sleeping” Myungsoo pronounced in a whisper as Howon wrapped his arms around his waist, brushing his lips against the skin of his neck as the boy chuckled slightly at the tickling feeling. “You looked so tired this morning”

 

“I think I really drank too much last night”

 

Memories were still fuzzy, Howon remembered walking in the cold for a very long time not even knowing where he was because he knew he had to go back home, but finally found himself passed out on a bench in the neighborhood.

 

“Out drinking by yourself and you don’t even greet me with a kiss” Myungsoo replied as Howon pulled away slightly to look at him and pecked his lips with an apologetic smile.

 

“It’s okay if you want to spend time doing your own stuff… But I want to get drunk and have fun with you too” Myungsoo added before kissing him back a little longer, cupping his face as Howon pulled his body against his suddenly feeling a bit aroused feeling him this close. He slid his tongue between his parted lips, a warm feeling diffusing in his stomach as he stroked the skin of his back under his shirt.

 

“I want to have fun with you too” Howon breathed out, lengthening the boy on his back to lie above him. He always looked so innocent with his cute little grin he always had around him; but when he had him lying down below him like this with his reddened wet lips, and his hands quivering almost clenched in a fist against his chest, Howon just wanted to ravish him, to watch his beautiful face flushed and contorted in pleasure, and to caress and cover in kisses every single centimeters of his skin.

 

But as expected, Myungsoo pushed him away as the kiss started to get too heated to his taste, looking away shyly, small pants escaping his mouth.

 

As much as the boy liked skinship, anything related to sex still freaked him out.

 

“It’d be hard to control myself if I get drunk around you” he continued as Myungsoo gulped, mouthing a ‘sorry’ as Howon let out a long breath.

 

He wasn’t disappointed anymore, because he knew that Myungsoo always reacted like this whenever he’d try to push him farther. But it was still frustrating and painful, to get this hard without being able to do anything but jerking off when he could have had the real thing.

 

When Myungsoo finally left, Howon felt relieved. Not that his presence was bothering him usually, but that day he felt so horny that he couldn't even stand breathing his scent.

 

Howon felt slightly better after doing his little business in the bathroom, and just sat in the living room in front of TV without really watching it, already dressed up to go out, waiting for Sungyeol and Dongwoo to come back with dinner and drinks.

 

"I'll take a shower, open the door for Sunggyu hyung when he's there" pronounced Woohyun from the bathroom as Howon sighed.

 

Sunggyu was a senior who Woohyun had set his eyes on, and recently started hanging out with. Howon quickly replied with a groan, wondering if he should bring Myungsoo along in one of their parties even though he disliked clubs. Maybe getting drunk together would make them grow closer, and that the boy would finally open up to him.

 

He was ready to try anything, because he wasn’t sure anymore if he’d be able to keep up with this. The sound of the door bell drew him out of his thoughts, he let out a last sigh as he got up to open the door.

 

"Hi" greeted Sunggyu, standing still for a short moment as Howon stepped aside to let him in.

 

“Hi” the boy greeted back closing the door behind him.

 

The elder directly sat on the couch, following Howon with his eyes as the latter rejoined his spot next to him, not saying anything.

 

"Woohyun is showering" he finally let out as Sunggyu opened his mouth to say something, but only closed it again with a slight nod. "Wanna drink something" he finally added, feeling a bit guilty for installing an awkward mood, glad that Sunggyu declined his proposition by shaking his head, because he felt too lazy to get up again.

 

"It's okay thank you" Sunggyu coughed, looking around while rubbing his palms against his thighs restlessly. "Where is Sungyeol by the way?"

 

"Out to buy drinks with Dongwoo hyung" Howon explained, glancing at the elder who held his stare for a moment with a little smile before looking away.

 

"We never get to talk that much, isn't it? " Sunggyu smiled at him again, patting his thigh as Howon did his best not to react too vividly at the sudden move. "You’re a lot more talkative when you’re drunk"

 

Howon felt like the elder was trying to flirt, so he let out a sarcastic chuckle and pushed his hand away.

 

"Did I say anything weird?" he asked, a bit on the defensive, because he didn’t remember anything that he could have said the previous night, but Sunggyu didn't seem to feel burdened and just chuckled, locking his gaze on him.

 

“You don’t remember at all?” Sunggyu replied, an excited grin plastered on his face. “You kept saying that I looked cute when I smile and stuff”

 

“I guess alcohol makes me open up"  Howon laughed, thinking that Sunggyu indeed was really charming when he smiled, so charming that it could actually be funny to play around with him for a bit.

 

"Let's drink a lot tonight" the elder replied, his eyes still planted in his. "And open up to each other"

 

***

 

Howon thought that alcohol was a great helper when he found himself pinning Sunggyu against the wall in the toilets of a club, the taste of alcohol mixing with their saliva as he feverishly devoured his mouth.

 

The elder seemed as wasted as he could be, his wet eyes asking for more as Howon paused to breathe, his lips millimeters away from his.

 

His hands ripped the first buttons of Sunggyu's shirt open, without himself being fully aware of his own actions, his hands travelling down his torso, teasing his perky nipples, pulling their lips together once again into a heated kiss. The elder’s tongue slid between his parting lips, he felt his hardening cock stirring inside of his pants as he exchanged their position releasing a muffled moan, feeling his back hitting the wall behind him.

 

"I shouldn’t do this to Myungsoo" Howon whispered, feeling Sunggyu’s breathing against his ear as he deposed wet kisses along his neck, leaving deep red marks everywhere as he dug his fingers into his scalp, pulling his hair, and containing his noises by blocking his mouth with the back of his free hand, feeling Sunggyu’s thigh rubbing against his crotch.

 

"I know that he never lets you touch him" Sunggyu pronounced, his reddened lips reaching for his but Howon motioned the elder to keep quiet as they could hear other people across the door of the little cabin they locked themselves up into. "All the things you want to do to him, you still can do them to me"

 

"I really want to" Howon stared at his lips, ignoring his heart pounding in his chest as he tried to push him away half heartedly “I don’t think Woohyun would like it either...”

 

“Nobody needs to know about it” Sunggyu whispered against his lips, moving to his ear as Howon closed his eyes tightly thinking about how horny Myungsoo made him earlier and how much he wanted to screw Sunggyu at this moment. “One night, only sex”

 

“Only sex, only once” replied Howon, trying to convince himself that it was the right thing to do to calm down his body for a while.

 

“One night doesn’t mean anything” assured Sunggyu in a whisper as Howon pulled their lips together to kiss away his victory smile. “There’s a hotel accepting gay…” the elder added breathlessly as they broke the kiss.

 

“Let’s go now” Howon didn’t let him finish his sentence, unlocking the door and pushed him outside, not caring anymore about the other guys in the bathroom.

 

***

 

A jolt of pain ran through his head as Howon’s eyes fluttered open, he frowned, brightened by the morning light which pierced through the tiny window of the shabby motel room. He quickly checked his surroundings, his stomach dropping as he noticed a naked Sunggyu sleeping next to him, memories of the previous night popping up before his eyes as he pressed his lips together, feeling like he was the most enormous jerk ever.

 

He had cheated.

 

Howon felt angry at himself for both letting his urges control him, and for enjoying it to the extent he ended up staying the whole night with Sunggyu. He had wanted to believe that liking Myungsoo was enough and that he’d wait for him to be ready to do all the dirty things he had wanted to do to him. But in the end, it only took few drinks and a attractive and willing body for him to break those promises he had made to himself.

 

He sat up on the bed, pushing Sunggyu's arm away from his torso as the boy moved to lie on his other side still asleep, and removed the sheets before getting up to pick up his clothes which had been tossed around the room the previous night.

 

Howon didn't even take time to shower before going, feeling a bit sorry to leave like this but glad that he didn't have to face Sunggyu now that he sobered up.

 

He felt a bit guilty toward Woohyun as well, knowing that his friend really liked Sunggyu. This night meant nothing to him anyway, but as much as he wanted to believe that things only got a little out of hands, he kept replaying the moment Sunggyu moaned out his name, his warm flesh clenching around Howon’s cock, and his thighs trembling under his hands as he pushed them open wider.

 

His insides stirred up again at the memory, it felt so nice to be able to go all in without having to restrain himself and to be able to relieve all the sexual frustration which kept piling up inside of him day after day.

 

As usual, Sungyeol was already up when he reached his apartment.

 

“You look awful” the boy pronounced from the couch where he was watching TV as Howon didn’t even want to reply but still greeted him with a little wave, walking to the fridge to grab something to drink. “Rude night again?”

 

“Last one for a while” Howon whispered with a sigh.

 

“You say that every Sundays” commented Sungyeol with a laugh as the other boy smiled, knowing how too well that his friend was right, and picked his phone as he felt it vibrating in his pocket, remembering that he didn’t check it when he woke up, too busy hurrying on his way back home. He had several new texts: from Woohyun, one from Myungsoo, and the last one he got was from Sunggyu.

 

You bastard my butt hurts like hell and you’re gone before I even wake up, I’m so going to kill you.

 

Howon couldn’t help but laugh a little, knowing that the elder would hold a grudge against him for the rest of his life because he let him alone in that hotel room after fucking him all night. He replied with a “did you want breakfast in bed too?” before deleting the two texts.

 

Where you at...

 

Don’t leave me alone you ass

 

I’m going home now.. don’t freeze to death in the street

 

He quickly read the ones from Woohyun, deciding not to reply as his friend must be still sleep in their room at the moment.

 

I hope you’re having fun! Text me when you’re home I want to see you

 

Howon’s finger hung in the air for a while, reading his boyfriend's text again and again as his heart squeezed painfully. He felt so bad for doing something like this to such an adorable person, as annoyed as he could feel when he’d leave him frustrated, it was still the most selfish and horrible thing to do.

 

But it was too late to have regrets, and Howon finally decided to act as if the previous night never happened, as much as the memories were still vivid in his mind, he pressed Myungsoo’s name on the screen to call him, the faster he’d face him, the easier it would be act natural in front of him.

 

His heartbeat fastened suddenly as he heard his voice on the other side of the wire.

 

“Hey I just got home” Howon pronounced awkwardly, thinking about what to say to sound natural. “I don’t think I’ll go back to sleep so.. what about a coffee?”


	3. Chapter 3

Woohyun felt almost like home when he was in a club, the loud music and the dizzying lights made him feel kind of relaxed for some reasons. Greeting a group of girls he recognized as regulars from the coffee shop he was working at, he lost Howon and Sunggyu from his sight to find the elder still glued to his friend as he got back to them barely minutes later.

 

Woohyun threw his arms around Howon’s neck as the latter asked him if he was this drunk already, which he replied with a fake laugh.

 

The truth was that he felt too shy to make a move on Sunggyu out of nowhere, but seeing him so obviously hitting on Howon every time the two of them were left alone made his blood boil in pure rage. Woohyun thought that Kibum was right, he needed to do something more intimate with him in order to seduce him.

 

Few drinks later, events started to get a bit blurry.

 

He kept being dragged around by other friends and acquaintances, too drunk to check his surroundings often enough not to lose Howon and Sunggyu for good.

 

After several texts without replies from any of them, he finally decided to let them get away with it for this time and enjoy the party with the group of friends he ended up with, without worrying too much.

 

Howon had this bad habit of disappearing whenever he’d get drunk, and appear again the next morning after spending the night outside, sometimes in someone’s else bed before he had started to date Myungsoo. Woohyun really hated this because going home alone was a pain; but that night, he had actually dragged him along for this reason, hoping to be left alone with Sunggyu.

 

Unfortunately, his plan ended up being a total failure.

 

 

***

 

 

Howon was dressing up in the room when Woohyun woke up the next day  He lied on his back taking a glimpse at his roommate’s body, noticing the numerous hickeys on his neck and collarbones that he hurried to hide under a turtleneck sweater when he noticed that Woohyun was watching him.

 

“You want a picture?” Howon asked in a teasing tone.

 

“No thanks, you ain’t my type” the boy replied while stretching, watching Howon styling his hair in the tiny mirror of their room. “Already going out?”

 

“I have a date with Myungsoo” Howon replied, containing a yawn.

 

Woohyun chuckled, thinking that Myungsoo seemed to be wilder than what his cute face made him look like, judging at how tired Howon seemed to be.

 

“Do you know where Sunggyu hyung went last night?” the boy asked, sitting up on his bed.

 

“I lost him too” Howon replied quickly, rushing out of the room before Woohyun could ask anything else. The latter only shrugged, grabbing his phone to check if he got any texts from the elder but there weren’t any.

 

He sighed shortly, kicking his blankets, staring at his phone as if he was expecting a text or anything from Sunggyu to come in suddenly. He decided to man up and ask him out with a casual “wanna hang out?”, his heart missing few beats as he sent the text; he threw his phone back on the bed a weird squeaky noise, nervously chewing on his bottom lip.

 

Woohyun stopped breathing at the sound of his notification alarm, he nervously extended his hand to grab his phone.

 

Sorry, I’m a mess today

 

Such a short, and heartless, reply sounded very Sunggyu-like. He was about to laugh it off, and ask if the previous night had been this rude when a second text from the elder came in.

 

But I’d be glad to have a drink with you tomorrow after your shift ;)

 

Woohyun giggled happily, jumping out of his bed feeling all energized suddenly.

 

Did you reach home safely? Last night was crazy I ended up losing you...

 

He grabbed some clothes he liked to wear at home before going to get a quick shower, taking his phone with him to keep texting Sunggyu meanwhile.

 

Yeah crazy night. Howon disappeared too.

 

Woohyun couldn’t help but laugh when he read Sunggyu’s reply as he got out of the shower, it seemed that he was the only person on Earth used to Howon’s drunken habit.

 

He always disappears, this jerk. Unless your name is Kim Myungsoo.

 

He typed quickly, trying to find another subject to chat about because Howon was the last person he wanted to hear about from Sunggyu. He greeted Dongwoo and Minseok, Dongwoo’s roommate who was almost never at the dorm, who were watching TV, and sat with them happy to see that the conversation with Sunggyu kept going.

 

 

********

 

 

Howon rubbed his hands together to fight the cold as he waited for Myungsoo in front of the station, earphones plugged into his ears trying to focus on the music hitting the beat with his foot on the floor, acting as composed as he could.

 

A sigh escaped his lips as he spotted Myungsoo in the crowd of people escaping the entry, his handsome face lightening up as their glance crossed. Myungsoo greeted him with a short hug as Howon smiled back at him, pulling away quickly.

 

“You had fun last night?”

 

“Yeah” Howon replied shortly with a shrug, trying not to think about how fun it indeed had been. “What about you, what did you do?”

 

“Hum.. nothing much” Myungsoo replied, wrapping his fingers around his boyfriend’s thumb as they started to walk. “Sungjong was out with friends so I just watched TV”

 

Howon didn’t reply anything, letting a silence install between them. They finally reached the coffee shop they usually went to, and bowed to the owner who greeted them warmly. They barely exchanged few words for a moment, waiting for their coffee, they both were usually pretty talkative but it seemed that they both were caught in their thoughts that day.

 

“There’s something I wanted to tell you, actually” Myungsoo finally broke the silence, sipping on his coffee before continuing his sentence. “I had been thinking a lot lately”

 

“About what?”

 

“About you going out all the time” He replied, looking all serious. “And about how we could spend more time together”

 

Howon felt like he didn’t deserve Myungsoo’s love.

 

“Maybe it’d be nice to watch a movie at my place, or something…” the boy added hesitantly, playing with his straw. “Sungjong usually isn’t home on the weekends”

 

“It’d be nice” Howon nodded with a smile, realizing that Myungsoo was really naive sometimes asking him, who had been dying to have sex with him for so long, to come at his place where it’d be only the two of them. Howon already knew that nothing more than few kisses would happen and, after his night with Sunggyu, he strangely felt less upset about this..

 

Howon honestly felt guilty, but selfishly, he also felt a lot better now that his frustration had been released. It was a horrible thought, but he knew that it was the truth.

 

This night didn’t mean anything, that’s what Howon kept repeating to himself. He didn’t want to hurt Myungsoo because he couldn’t control himself under the influence of alcohol, he never had wanted to hurt him or to treat him coldly as he had been acting most of the time when he was around, always going out and avoiding to spend too much time alone with his boyfriend. Myungsoo deserved so much more.

 

After that night with Sunggyu, Howon’s mind was a little clearer, he felt confident that he could spend more time with Myungsoo, do the things his boyfriend liked without getting distracted by all the dirty thoughts about the boy which kept him from enjoying the moments they spent together.

 

“Really?” Myungsoo beamed happily, his lips curling on his usual adorable grin that never failed to melt Howon. “I thought you’d say that you had to go out with Woohyun or something”

 

“Spending time with you is important too” Howon mumbled.

 

Myungsoo giggled shyly in answer, grabbing Howon’s hand on the table to play with his fingers; the latter felt a lump in his throat, seeing his boyfriend this happy over those simple-yet sincere-words. He promised himself to do better and treat him as good as he deserved.

 

 

********

 

 

Woohyun felt in a wonderful mood as he woke up on Monday morning, usually Sungyeol would be the one dragging him out of his bed but the latter seemed pleasantly surprised to find him cooking breakfast when he got up.

 

“Let Howon sleep a bit more” Sungyeol pronounced after a short greeting, installing at the kitchen’s table. “He doesn’t look good these days”

 

“We’ve been going out a lot” Woohyun put the fried eggs he just made into Sungyeol’s bowl of rice as the latter thanked him. “He looked so tense lately but I bet he’ll feel better now” he added, remembering the numerous hickeys on him, thinking that he had good reasons to feel tired.

 

“I’ll go with you instead next time, I need to meet new girls” Sungyeol laughed as Woohyun looked at him surprised.

 

“You already broke up? It only had been few weeks”

 

“Long story” he replied with a laugh. “But you should let Howon spend more time with Myungsoo”

 

“Why does it have to be my fault? Howon always says he has nothing else to do” Woohyun commented, sitting with his own eggs as his friend shrugged. “Besides, they seem to grow closer lately”

 

“I hope so” Sungyeol replied with a little sigh. “What about you? How is it going with Sunggyu hyung?”

 

“I’m meeting him tonight after work” Woohyun smiled giddily, wondering how it would be going with the elder. He didn’t know if he could call this a date, because he wasn’t sure his intentions were clear enough until now, but he definitely wanted to change this.

 

“Oh oh oh” Sungyeol proudly patted his back, gratifying him a thumb up.

 

When he was done eating, Woohyun went to their room to wake Howon up. He picked up his friend’s phone which, he assumed, had been tossed across the room when it started to ring.

 

“Wake up” he sat on his bed, shaking his shoulder as Howon only glanced at him his eye still half closed, with a growl that made Woohyun laugh.

 

“Can't I skip classes?”

 

“I’ll cook something for you, hurry up and get dressed” Woohyun shook him again but his friend only sighed in exasperation.

 

“Your food is disgusting”

 

Woohyun pouted, starting to feel slightly annoyed.

 

“Lee Howon…” He decided to try another strategy. “Think about your cute boyfriend who wants to see you”

 

“Don’t drag Myungsoo into this”

 

“Imagine his sad face when he’ll know that you’re skipping classes” Woohyun continued as Howon glared at him, clenching his first to hit his arm. “Should I make him laugh and poke his cute dimples for you?” he added in a whisper, dodging Howon’s punch, laughing at the other who was now fully awake.

 

“You win” the boy rubbed his eyes before getting up, pushing Woohyun as he walked to the bathroom as the latter scoffed at him. “Still, it was a low blow”

 

***

 

 

Woohyun couldn’t focus in class that day, he couldn’t wait to go to the coffee shop and wait for Sunggyu to rejoin him there. When he saw him in the corridors, even the few words they exchanged made him feel happy.

 

His shift at the coffee shop either never seemed this long.

 

His heart started to bump inside of his chest when Sungyeol arrived to replace him with Sunggyu at his heels.

 

Woohyun was chatting with few girls when his two friends entered the place, the manager greeted them and installed Sunggyu at a table as Sungyeol hurried to go change. Woohyun found himself unable to unlock his eyes from the elder, he didn’t know what he should tell him to sound funny; even though they started to hang out for a while now he still was worried about Sunggyu not liking him.

 

“Hey, isn’t that Sunggyu oppa?” one of the girls exclaimed as Woohyun looked at her. “Is he one of your friends?”

 

“Yes” he replied shortly.

 

“He’s so cool” she pronounced with a dreamy smile. “You two would look good together”

 

“Eeh there’s nobody but Sungyeol for him” her friend complained as Woohyun chuckled at them, used to this kind of conversations.

 

“They would be.. Woogyu? sounds good to me, don’t you think?” the girl giggled, sipping on her coffee.

 

“Don’t talk so loudly Sunggyu oppa may hear you” the other girl elbowed her friend who kept laughing excitedly.

 

“I heard everything” Sunggyu commented from his table, making Woohyun laugh at the two blushing girls. “Woohyun ah, can you make an Americano for me?”

 

Woohyun nodded and started to prepare it as Sungyeol came back from the changing room in his uniform, greeting the girls Woohyun was chatting with and rejoined the later behind the bar to help him.

 

“Can you do one for me? I’ll bring this to hyung and go change”

 

“Why are you putting so much sugar” Sungyeol commented in a whisper, doing as told as Woohyun glanced at him grabbing a straw and a napkin.

 

“Hyung likes it sweet”

 

Sungyeol rolled his eyes with a smile as Woohyun walked to Sunggyu’s table putting the Americano in front of him.

 

“How much is it?” the elder asked but Woohyun shook his end with a gentle smile.

 

“My treat” he whispered with a wink as Sunggyu smiled back contently. “I’ll go change I’ll be right back”

 

Woohyun released a long sigh when he closed the door of the changing room behind him; he didn’t know why he felt so nervous about spending time with Sunggyu. Having him visiting at the coffee shop had been a good idea, because Sungyeol would be a good help if he needed him.

 

Now he just had to act natural and do well, and hopefully things would go well.


	4. Chapter 4

Woohyun grabbed the coffee Sungyeol made for him on the way to sit at the table with Sunggyu who smiled at him.

 

“You had a good day?” Woohyun asked, trying to sound as composed as he looked, although his heart kept pounding hard against his throat. It was almost annoying for him who usually easily charmed people to feel like a bunch of jelly in front of someone else for no reason.

 

“I still haven’t fully recovered from Saturday night” Sunggyu replied, rubbing with a slight grin a spot on his neck. Woohyun’s stomach dropped when he spotted the mark under his fingers, a deep red hickey surrounded by teeth mark; the sight made his insides burn in jealousy, he knew Sunggyu wasn’t his and that he had all the rights to have fun with other people, but he still disliked the idea of someone else touching him this way.

 

“Crazy night indeed” he pronounced in a lower tone, knowing that the girls must be listening to them, but couldn’t hide the bitterness in his voice. Sunggyu seemed to get the point because he let out a breathy laugh, taking a sip on his americano before replying.

 

“This jerk was gone before I woke up, I heard he always does that” the elder frowned slightly, looking a bit upset as Woohyun tried to smile back as if it was nothing wondering who was this bastard who had the chance to have him only to disappeared afterwards. “At least, I left him a lot of marks that won’t let him forget this night for a while” Sunggyu smirked proudly, stroking the mark on his neck again.

 

“Ah…”

 

“Are you jealous?” Sunggyu added leaning closer to whisper, scoffing at Woohyun who almost choked on his coffee. “That’s way cuter than when you do your stupid aegyos”

 

“I’m not jealous” Woohyun mumbled finally. “It’s not my business”

 

“You wish it was” Sunggyu answered back with a mischievous laugh that melted Woohyun’s insides. The latter clenched his fist tightly, without being able to understand if he either liked or disliked how his mood would follow the elder’s words. “Anyway, what do you want to do?” Sunggyu asked, drawing Woohyun out of his thoughts.

 

“I heard Dongwoo and his dance crew will be dancing in Hongdae tonight” Woohyun replied. “We could go there to say hello and then I don’t know… what about some shopping, or a movie?” he suggested. “Or something else if you have another idea”

 

“I’m fine with it” Sunggyu answered with a satisfied nod. “I’ll treat you dinner”

 

Woohyun thanked him, giggling mentally at how nice it was going so far. All day he had been nervous about how Sunggyu would be around him, and if he could actually call this a date; but his concerns had faded slightly and he felt a lot more comfortable around the elder. Sunggyu seemed a lot different than the other times he had met him too, he usually would talk less and didn’t smile this cutely for him usually, and it made him even happier.

 

 

********

 

 

Spotting from afar Dongwoo’s bright colored clothes in the middle of the little crowd that formed around him and his dance crew, Howon made his way through people, greeting few classmates as Myungsoo followed him closely.

 

“Finally you're here” Dongwoo had a vivid smile and kept bouncing, rubbing his hands together to fight the cold as the two others paused next to him, watching the rest of the dance crew preparing music to start dancing. “I hope you'll dance with us next time”

 

“It'd be nice” Howon nodded, his hand tightly wrapped around Myungsoo’s wrist as the latter greeted Dongwoo with a short hug. “Sungyeol’s at work but I’ll show him the videos later”

 

“I didn’t know those two were coming as well” Myungsoo asked, waving at Woohyun and Sunggyu who arrived together..

 

Howon expected to run into him sooner or later, and tried to prepare himself as he could to deal with his guilt toward both Myungsoo and Woohyun. Saturday night wasn't the first time he wavered, when he saw an opening with a guy before, there was always this thought that if he was single, if Myungsoo wasn't so prude, he would have what he wanted. It had felt so good, having Sunggyu craving for him; it had been so easy to have him that he didn't know himself if he wouldn’t let this happen again if he had the occasion.

 

He spend the last two days repeating himself again and again that what he did was bad, but with Sunggyu right before his eyes brought back memories he had tried to block. He didn’t want to hurt Myungsoo because he was horny, but there was something about the elder that easily made him forget about his resolutions.

 

“We wanted to say hello before going to the movies” Sunggyu pronounced, his hands tugging Woohyun’s shoulders.

 

“So, you two are on a date?” Howon asked with a flat voice, the elder froze slightly, removing his hands from Woohyun’s shoulders slowly when their eyes crossed.

 

“You’re not the only one allowed to have dates, you know?” Woohyun teased, elbowing his friend as Howon scoffed at him. “Hyung had this movie he wanted to see, we’ll have to go soon”

 

“We’ll watch the videos together later” Sunggyu assured with a quick nod. “I’ll trust Myungsoo for filming it well” he added, poking his arm as the boy chuckled shyly, shaking his head.

 

“I’ll do my best”

 

Woohyun excused himself, dragging Dongwoo to greet some of their friends as Myungsoo followed, leaving the two others alone.

 

“You have such a cute boyfriend” Sunggyu whispered to Howon. “It’s not the kind of boy you let alone in the morning” he added sarcastically, glaring at the latter who only chuckled in reply.

 

“I'd even serve him breakfast in bed” Howon commented with a wry smile, knowing that Sunggyu would still be mad about waking up alone in that hotel room.

 

“You’re so mean” he replied, squinting and poking his arm as Howon kept smiling at him. “I don’t usually do those kind of stuff, you know” Sunggyu added with a slight pout, checking quickly if Myungsoo or Woohyun weren’t watching in their direction. “My body is still sore” the elder complained in a whisper.

 

“You were the one who kept asking for more” Howon bit his lip as the other grabbed his arm.

 

“Because it felt so good” Sunggyu muttered playfully, leaning so dangerously close that his lips almost brushed against Howon’s ear as the latter mused about how sensual the elder was as he leaned away. “And I’d ask again” he added, pressing his arm harder but Howon shook himself off from his hold, thinking that he mustn't waver again now.

 

“You better not” Howon replied in a breath, his stomach contracting as he noticed that Woohyun started to look for them, and straightened his face as if nothing happened when he motioned Sunggyu they had to go soon. Howon left the elder behind to get back to Myungsoo, holding both his hands in his back and resting his chin on his shoulder as the boy glanced at him with a little smile.

 

They chatted a bit more before the rest of the crew called Dongwoo over, Sunggyu and Woohyun quickly left as well almost late for their movie, but Howon still found himself glancing at the spot the elder just left, thinking about how tempting it sounded to make this Saturday night happen again.

 

Dongwoo was a good dancer, and the rest of the crew members were awesome as well, but this day he couldn't focus on their dancing at all. He felt Myungsoo's warm fingers intertwined with his inside of his pocket, his cute lips curling into a smile every time he'd caught Howon's glance on him as they walked home together from the station.

 

“What did you talk about with Sunggyu hyung earlier?” Myungsoo asked, staring at his boyfriend who was surprised to hear such a question from him. “You two seem close”

 

“He was mad because I disappeared the other night” Howon replied.

 

“Seems like you keep doing this when you're drunk” Myungsoo chuckled, snuggling up against his boyfriend as they entered the narrow street where the boy was living. “I'd be mad too if you left me alone like this”

 

“I wouldn't” Howon replied, knowing exactly what he'd try to do if he would get drunk around Myungsoo.“I'd walk you home and sneak into your bed to play with you”

 

Myungsoo didn't reply anything, looking away as he usually did when he felt shy. Howon couldn't help but think that he looked cute when he was embarrassed and decided to play around a little more. He had been curious about the reasons Myungsoo didn't want to have sex with him, even if he felt so frustrated and even annoyed at times about it that he didn't bother asking. It was a normal thing to desire his boyfriend, but he couldn't bring Myungsoo to do things he didn't want to; Howon started to think that maybe he wasn't reassuring enough for him to be able to open up, or maybe he didn't feel attracted by him this way at all. But he still felt as crazy as before about how much he wanted him, he didn’t care if he wasn’t half as good or wild as Sunggyu in the sheets, he wanted him.

 

“Are you coming in?” asked Myungsoo innocently as they reached his building. Howon squinted, following him inside his apartment as he opened the front door. A cute little squeak escaped his lips as Howon pushed him against the wall, a bit abruptly, as soon as he closed the door behind them.

 

“You wouldn’t like to play around with me?” Howon asked softly, feeling his boyfriend’s hands flattening on his chest. “Are you planning to ignore this question?” he added with a sigh as the boy shook his head, wetting his lips.

 

“I just don’t know what to reply” Myungsoo pronounced, his eyes widening a little as Howon kissed him deeply, cupping his face and pushing his tongue into his mouth roughly. He always had tried to kiss him as gently as he could, knowing that he would get rejected for sure if things would go too far. “This is just a short glimpse of what I would do to you” Howon whispered, slightly out of breath as their lips parted, Myungsoo had closed his eyes, and automatically leaned back in to close the gap between their lips once again, pulling him into another kiss as heated as the first one.

 

“Howon” he moaned breathily, as the latter paused for a moment to slide his hands under his jumper, brushing his fingers on the soft warm skin of his stomach. He looked into his eyes, remembering the way how needy Sunggyu looked when he pinned him against a wall like this, but Myungsoo was too shy to let go of himself like the elder did, and kept looking away, but it somehow aroused him even more. “Your hands are cold”

 

“I'm sorry” Howon pronounced, pecking his lips again and again. “Let me… Just a little”

 

Myungsoo nodded, stroking his boyfriend's hair as the later kissed him again. Howon’s heart kept bouncing in his chest, he knew he needed to stop but the way the boy kissed him back, his body squirming slightly, and the smoothness of his skin under his hands was addictive.

 

“Don’t you have a room?”

 

Howon broke the kiss but pressed Myungsoo firmly against the wall, turning his head to look at the owner of the voice.

 

“Sungjong” Myungsoo pronounced, blushing deeply. “It's not like that”

 

“I was saying goodbye” Howon replied, smiling at the boy who rolled his eyes. “I'll see you tomorrow” he added to his boyfriend who nodded with a pout.

 

“Text me before you sleep” he asked in a whisper, pecking his lips one last time as Howon released his body.

 

Sungjong went away, greeting Howon with a smile as Myungsoo settled his clothes. He didn't feel like going so soon, but he knew that nothing good would happen if he kept kissing him like this.

 

“I won’t leave you alone until you answer” Howon added before going, knowing that he must avoid getting too excited again now that he got his frustration away, because thinking of Sunggyu as an option wasn't a good thing, especially since him and Woohyun started to become a thing.

 

 

***

 

 

Howon was lying on his bed, playing on his computer when Woohyun got home from his date around midnight. The boy opened the room, tossing his backpack on his bed before sitting on his roommate’s one, a silly grin plastered on his face.

 

“I think I’m in love” Woohyun uttered, seizing Howon’s arm as the latter sighed deeply.

 

“Good for you”

 

“We didn’t kiss or anything yet if you wanted to know” the boy continued as Howon did his best not to look at him. He wondered how betrayed Woohyun would feel if he knew what kind of things he had done with Sunggyu already. “But we're getting along, it could actually work out”

 

“Good for you, I said” Howon sighed again, closing his laptop. Woohyun tilted his head, pressing his lips together as Howon sat up, pushing his roommate’s hand away from his arm. To be honest, Howon felt a bit frustrated that Sunggyu and his willing body went so quickly to his friend now that he got what he wanted with him; but it was for the best.

 

“How about Myungsoo? How is it going with him?” Woohyun asked, moving to sit legs crossed on the bed, the same silly grin stuck on his lips.

 

“He’s driving me crazy” Howon replied, thinking about the way they kissed earlier. It was the first time he didn't hold back, and his boyfriend had seemed to enjoy it more than he’d have expected.

 

“I bet he does with all the marks he left on you”

 

Howon opened his mouth to say something but closed it back, remembering about the hickeys Sunggyu left on his neck, and looked away because there was no way he could say the truth. He knew that Woohyun must have noticed the bite mark on Sunggyu’s neck as well, and it was way too easy to tell that they had sex together. Howon knew that Woohyun was far from being stupid, but he had to ignore the truth, because it would definitely hurt him.

 

“Hopefully you’ll get some soon” Howon finally pronounced with a hoarse voice, failing to sound genuinely sincere, thinking that once the elder would become Woohyun’s boyfriend he hopefully wouldn't feel this attracted to him anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

Woohyun lied on his bed, pushing back the few wet hair stuck on his forehead with a sigh, watching with a little smile Howon who kept grinning at his phone. He supposed that he got some of the cute messages Myungsoo used to send him before sleeping.

 

Woohyun could feel it, that Sunggyu had a thing for Howon, every time his roommate was around the elder only had eyes for him. He saw earlier the way they looked at each other, that way Sunggyu smiled for Howon hurt him so much; he hated to be a second choice, but he couldn’t say anything, too scared to strain his friendship with Howon because of love matters. Both Sunggyu and him were very important to him, but he didn't know how much he could forgive.

 

He could feel it in his guts, that something did happen between those two, but he would rather don’t know a thing.

 

The only thing that mattered to him was that he finally got closer to Sunggyu.

 

“Do you think he likes me?” Woohyun pronounced as Howon rose his head to look at him. “Sunggyu hyung, I mean”

 

“Why are you asking me?” Howon scoffed at him slightly.

 

“I don’t know, he’s just so different when you’re not around” Woohyun sighed, turning on his side to face his friend who rested his back against the wall behind him. “So… approachable”

 

“And…?”

 

“I really do like him you know” Woohyun pronounced, gathering his courage. “And I hate the way he acts around you”

 

“I’m sorry” Howon replied after a while, putting his phone back on his bed with a strange smile. Woohyun was scared, his roommate looked like he was about to say something, but he didn’t know anymore if he wanted to hear it. “I hope things will go this well for you with Sunggyu hyung”

 

“Not as much as I do”

 

Howon laughed at him. “You really do care about him, he’s lucky” he said lying down under his blankets.

 

“I know you care just as much about Myungsoo” Woohyun smiled, knowing that Howon never thought of settling down with someone before that boy. They all had become friends around the same time, playing around and claiming that they’d have fun together and enjoy their college life fully. Howon liked Myungsoo for sure, he couldn’t fake the way he was looking at him, and Woohyun understood even better now that he found someone he liked this much as well.

 

“I do” Howon whispered back, closing his eyes ready to sleep. “But not as much as he deserves”

 

 

***

 

 

The rest of the week went pretty smoothly. Woohyun had planned to meet Sunggyu on the weekend to go out a bit, knowing that Howon wouldn’t follow this time because he was spending the evening at Myungsoo’s.

 

He was growing closer to the elder, slowly, but he started to feel that Sunggyu became less stiff around him every time they met. Even though things seemed to go very well, he didn’t have the courage to try anything new; he had met with Ki Bum to discuss about this and decided to let things happen as they would from now.

 

When Woohyun went out of the changing room to replace Sungyeol at the coffee shop, he went straight to those two girls who came almost everyday.

 

“Oppa” greeted one of them with a happy smile. “Are you going out tonight? There’s a party in Gangnam you have to go with us”

 

“Sorry I already have plans maybe we’ll see each other there” Woohyun lied, smiling gently, knowing that he was a bad idea to meet this kind of girls during a party.

 

“Do you have a date with your girlfriend?” one of the girls asked, twirling her long brown hair with her finger.

 

“You girls know I’m forever single”

 

“It can’t be” the other uttered. “Oppa is too handsome yet you’re always out with boys”

 

“You should get a girlfriend already” the first girl continued as Woohyun chuckled politely but felt slightly annoyed, wondering how much they knew about him already. “We wouldn’t be jealous”

 

He died to tell them, that he liked boys and that it was why he was always seen with them, but he wasn’t sure the manager would like to hear that and the customers either. He knew the girls played around pairing him with some other guys they found attractive, but it was nothing more than a game to them and he knew that in the end they still liked to see him as a datable boy. And he really didn’t want to lose this job because he actually loved working at this coffee shop where he could meet a lot of people, and the salary wasn’t bad at all either.

 

“I know you’d be” Woohyun sent her a heart as they both giggled, before going away to greet some customers who just entered the coffee shop, forcing himself to smile brightly as always.

 

 

********

 

 

Howon entered the little convenience store greeted by his boyfriend’s smile.

 

“You’re early” Myungsoo pronounced with a happy grin as Howon poked his dimple, smiling back at him. “I thought you’d rejoin me at home”

 

“I finished early so I came to pick you up” Howon replied, not going to admit that he actually skipped classes because he felt too restless.

 

“You didn’t have to” Myungsoo replied with an amused smile, but even if he said so Howon knew that he felt happy about this.

 

They bought some food on their way to Myungsoo’s apartment.

 

Howon always felt weirdly excited every time he got to spend time alone with his boyfriend, it was the first time he spent an evening alone with Myungsoo, usually when he’d come over Sungjong was always around or he would avoid it by going out with Woohyun or other friends. But this time he felt more confident, and even happy to have some alone time with Myungsoo.

 

He pecked his boyfriend’s lips a few times when they reached inside Myungsoo’s apartment as the boy kept smiling cutely, telling him to put the food on the table as he slipped his shoes off quickly to get beers in the fridge.

 

Myungsoo kept talking as they ate, the tv playing in the background could barely be heard; but his boyfriend looked so cute, sometimes stuffing his mouth with a focused face, sometimes babbling about random stuff that came through his mind, that Howon couldn’t help but stare at him with a silly grin he surprised himself to have.

 

“What were the others doing tonight?” Myungsoo asked, once he was done eating while extending his arm to get his beer to empty it in one shot as his boyfriend smiled again.

 

“Sungyeol told me that he’s going out with Woohyun today to meet new girls”

 

“He got dumped again?”

 

“Yes seems like it” Howon replied rolling his eyes, his friend kept dating weird girls who always dumped him few weeks later for no reasons. “I wonder if his taste in girls always had been like this”

 

Myungsoo shrugged in answer.

 

“I talked about it with him before, he told me that he’s ready to get rejected many times to find the right one” the boy spoke as Howon nodded slowly, understanding a bit better his roommate’s state of mind. “I felt like this before I confessed to you too”

 

Howon bit his lips, not to smile too widely but a chuckle still escaped him as Myungsoo grabbed his hand; his boyfriend was so freaking cute sometimes he just wanted to cuddle him hard.

 

“Sungyeol isn’t as lucky as i am” he added, playing with Howon’s fingers.

 

“Are you sure about that?” the other asked, brushing the back of his boyfriend’s hand with his thumb.

 

Myungsoo didn’t reply right away, looking away with a smile.

 

“It’ll be our 100 days soon yet I still get butterflies in my stomach when I look at you” he muttered shyly, intertwining their fingers together as Howon felt the guilt burning his insides. “I don’t know you’re so kind these days I started to wonder if you started to feel the way I do”

 

“The way you do?” Howon pronounced, feeling Myungsoo’s grip tightening on his hand as he thought that he was too much of a coward to confess the way he really felt about him.

 

“I thought you were going to dump me to be honest, always going out by yourself and ignoring my calls” the boy smiled sadly, Howon let him talk because Myungsoo looked like he had a lot to say. “I’m always scared that you’re going to leave me because we don’t fuck but when you touch me I feel so harmless.. I don’t know I keep thinking that you may leave if I disappoint you but I feel you drifting away because I never let you get closer”

 

“I really love you” Myungsoo added finally, staring into his eyes as Howon’s stomach dropped, this boy was so sincere that it made him feel even worse about what happened with Sunggyu. He felt mad at himself. He selfishly put the fault on his boyfriend for making him feel this frustrated, trying to justify the fact that he fucked up without even considering his feelings. He knew that Myungsoo loved him, but hearing it from his own mouth, and how nervous he was about not meeting his expectations when Howon was himself being the biggest jerk alive to him, made him feel so guilty yet so happy at the same time.

 

“Also.. you asked me if I would like to play around with you” Myungsoo whispered, tugging the material of his sweatshirt hesitantly, pecking Howon’s lips tenderly. “I really do want you to touch me” he added, kissing him again and again a bit more longer each time as the latter reacted slowly, trying to assimilate what his boyfriend just said and how naughty it sounded as the latter grabbed Howon's hands, guiding their way under his clothes, their lips still locked together.

 

“Is it that bad to feel harmless?” Howon asked, moving to his neck, kissing the skin, pressing on his shoulder to lengthen him on the couch as the latter moaned weakly, he enjoyed more than he should the way Myungsoo’s body turned pliant under his touch.

 

“I don’t know” he replied in a breathy voice.

 

“I’m sorry if you think I’m getting pushy” Howon breathed out with a smile, sinking the tip of his fingers softly between his ribs, stripping him as the boy kept sucking in little gasps. Myungsoo whined a bit, but let Howon remove his undershirt as well. The latter paused to look at him, it was the first time he had a full view of his torso and felt a bit dazed at how good he looked. “It’s just sometimes I can’t think straight when I’m with you”

 

“I can’t think at all either right now” Myungsoo assured, closing his eyes tightly.

 

“I would be a fucking dumbass if I wanted to dump you” Howon whispered, he had decided already long time ago that he wouldn’t give up on Myungsoo and that even if he made a huge mistake, he had to make up for this. It was a one time thing and nobody needed to know, nobody had to get hurt because of this. “Can I kiss you here?”

 

“No…”

 

“Why?” Howon asked, drawing circles with his thumb, teasing his nipples to make Myungsoo moan again as the boy was now hiding his face. “You don’t like it?”

 

“It feels good...” Myungsoo moaned, shaking his head from left to right as Howon pushed his legs open to install between them, lowering slowly, deposing wet kisses on his chest and his stomach. The boy squirmed slightly, his quivering hands desperately grabbing Howon’s hair to keep him from running his tongue over his skin. “Give me a moment...please”

 

“Okay okay” Howon mumbled, pausing for a short moment as Myungsoo relaxed a bit humming softly as he deposed more kisses on his skin on his way up. “Just a bit more” he lifted his head to check his boyfriend’s expression but the boy only nodded, nibbling his bottom lip, his dark eyes glowing slightly as he exposed his neck for Howon to kiss it. “I’m done” he whispered, pecking his lips before looking with a satisfied smile at the red mark on his boyfriend’s neck, remembering for a moment how he marked Sunggyu on the same exact spot before.

 

He shook off the thought, wondering why the elder kept popping up in his head at such a moment; he had hoped the memories would have faded away just like the hickeys did, but his body didn’t seem ready to forget how much he had actually enjoyed it.

 

“Can I put it back on?” Myungsoo asked, grabbing his shirt on the floor to cover his bare chest as Howon released his body to sit a bit farther on the couch, nodding in answer. “Not that I disliked it...” he added as Howon chuckled, thinking that it was even more frustrating in the end when things would get this far as he grabbed his beer can to drink some, washing out from his mouth the addictive taste of his boyfriend's skin.

 

“If someone hits on you just show them your neck and say that you have a 187cm tall boyfriend who doesn’t like to share” he laughed it off, trying not to feel annoyed at him because he knew he just had to be more patient.

 

Myungsoo laughed as Howon smiled at how adorable his boyfriend was when he was laughing heartedly, the latter stopped after a while to look at him into the eyes, a shy grin on the corner of his lips. “I love you” he pronounced tenderly.

 

“Me too” Howon replied, kissing him again.


	6. Chapter 6

Back once again under the dizzying lights of his favorite club, but this time he had Sunggyu all to himself. Sungyeol had been nice enough to leave with a group of girls they met at the bar they started the evening at, but Woohyun felt so nervous about this that he found himself drinking a lot more than he had should.

 

They arrived about one hour before and had kept dancing together and having fun; Sunggyu paid for another round of drinks as Woohyun rested on the bar counter, feeling everything spinning around him.

 

“Are you alright?” asked Sunggyu, as the barman put two shots of vodka in front of them.

 

“I am don’t worry” he replied, staggering with a giggle, using Sunggyu’s shoulder as a support. “I really am”

 

“Sure sure” the elder patted the back of his head as Woohyun leaned closer almost hugging him, breathing in to fill his nose with his scent, knowing that he must have looked weird but he was way too drunk to care anymore. He stared at the skin of Sunggyu’s neck, tracing with his eyes the teeth mark which still remained a bit, and deposed a kiss on it before pulling away, leaning back on the counter with a chuckle to himself as he felt like losing the control of his own body.

 

“You smell good” he leaned in again to speak into the elder’s ear, enjoying the way the other replied with a charming smile, stroking the spot he just kissed.

 

Sunggyu didn’t reply anything, grabbing his drink, motioning the other to do the same. Woohyun frowned, there was a question that popped inside of his head suddenly and, even if he’d probably forget about it once he would have sobered up, the last thing he wanted was to make Sunggyu feel uncomfortable and to break the playful mood that installed between them that night. He had this fear around both Howon and Sunggyu, that one of them would suddenly spill out the truth and tell him that something was going on between them. He didn’t know if he’d be happy to know the truth and to be able to move on before he’d fall too deeply in love with Sunggyu, or if he would feel miserable and betrayed to the point he wouldn’t forgive any of them.

 

He cheered with the elder before drinking one shot, wiping his mouth with his sleeve, trying to focus on Sunggyu as the whole scenery around him seemed to spin harder and harder; the lights and loud music making him feel so dizzy he only stared at the elder, thinking hard about every moves he was about to do because his whole body felt so numb he could barely feel anything. He extended his hand, reaching for Sunggyu to cup his face and brushed his pretty lips with his thumb as the elder didn’t move an inch, his eyes darting between Woohyun’s.

 

“Bathroom?” Sunggyu asked, leaning closer for him to hear his voice muffled by the music.

 

Woohyun nodded, his stomach jumped as he felt the elder’s fingers intertwining with his owns to lead them to the men’s bathroom. He felt like he shouldn’t have drank this last shot, his heart kept pounding and he had troubles walking straight as they crossed the dense crowd of people. He focused on Sunggyu again, following him and tightening his grip on his hand as his vision kept getting blurrier.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” the elder asked once again as they entered the bathroom. Woohyun fell against the sink, feeling the sharp pain in his ribs as he bounced on it before falling flat on the ground, trying to get up totally unsteady as if the ground was moving below him, whimpering mentally at his lost dignity.

 

“Let’s keep it a secret” he articulated with a giddy smile, throwing his arms around Sunggyu’s neck as he helped him getting up. He gulped, their faces were so close ones he stood back on his feet, he could feel his breath ghosting on his skin. “You’re handsome” Woohyun whispered, planting his lips on Sunggyu’s who chuckled before kissing him back.

 

Woohyun could feel his pulses pounding at his ears as Sunggyu parted his lips to grant access to his tongue, pulling his body even closer against him. He closed his eyes, letting go of everything to enjoy fully this intoxicating feeling radiating in his whole body; he couldn’t believe it was finally happening, he had imagined so many times the feeling of those lips against his and this had been the last thing he actually remembered about before passing out.

 

 

***

 

Woohyun woke up in his bed the next day, fully dressed, and with absolutely no idea about the way he got back home; He sat up, spotting Howon still fast asleep on his bed with a bruise on his cheek and wondered what happened to him. He tried to get up to check on him but felt so nauseous he had to block his mouth, pressing his lips together behind his hands, trying to breath deeply with his nose not to throw up.

 

“You’re awake already?” asked a sleepy voice from Sungyeol’s bed above him; he rose his head, recognizing Sunggyu and nodded quickly before running to the bathroom. He felt so ashamed that he let the elder see him like this, and he honestly felt like crying, guessing that the latter followed him into the bathroom when he heard the door closing and felt Sunggyu’s hand in his hair as he kneeled beside him, Woohyun sat on the floor once he was done, flushing the toilets with a short sigh.

 

“Hyung I’m so sorry” he whispered, feeling a bit better now that he threw up but his stomach still hurt.

 

“It’s okay” Sunggyu talked softly, stroking his hair as Woohyun rested his back against the wall behind him, breathing slowly. “Are you feeling better now?”

 

“I need to brush my teeth and sleep for a whole week” Woohyun smiled, closing his eyes as the elder kept stroking his hair. “What happened exactly? I remember that we were in the bathroom and I…” Woohyun grinned at the memory as Sunggyu looked away with a weird smile, removing his hand from his hair.

 

“You kinda fainted after this” Sunggyu explained, his hands cupped together.

 

“Did something happen last night? You seem different” Woohyun asked, trying to get up to rinse his mouth as Sunggyu imitated him, shrugging slightly in answer. “What happened to Howon’s face?”

 

“I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything” Sunggyu muttered before exiting the bathroom with an awkward smile..

 

Woohyun sighed deeply, he remembered how the boy didn’t seem to dislike it at all when he kissed him the previous night, but something definitely happened again. He had the same look in his eyes as when he asked him about the guy he spent the night with, and Howon had been acting weird ever since as well. Woohyun felt stupid, thinking that Myungsoo was the one who let all those marks on his friend seemed so unrealistic when he’d think about it again; he knew that the boy never let Howon touch him before, and he knew as well that the latter would have told him right away if he finally got to have sex with him.

 

It made him so angry, because he cared about Howon as his own brother, because he had been the only one he could be truly himself with; but now he didn’t know anymore if he could trust him this much again. And he hated this.

 

Woohyun went back to his room after brushing his teeth and decided to grab something to eat in the kitchen because he still felt slightly nauseous and needed to eat something sweet. Sunggyu was sitting in front of the TV with some snacks and energy drinks scattered on the coffee table in front of him.

 

“Did you buy all this?” Woohyun asked, drawing the elder out of his thoughts.

 

“Howon did, he was worried about your blood sugar level” Sunggyu replied with a smile.

 

“He sure cares a lot” Woohyun replied sarcastically, feeling annoyed to always hear this name inside of Sunggyu’s mouth.

 

The elder seemed to have get the point and pressed his lips together, looking away as he awkwardly changed his position on the couch. Woohyun was scared he’d want to leave because of this, he didn’t want to have a fight, and he actually wanted Sunggyu to stay, but he just felt too annoyed not to say anything.

 

Dongwoo entered the kitchen and paused when he spotted them on the couch, greeting them with a nod before walking directly to the fridge, and went back to his room without saying a word. Woohyun was surprised to see him so gloomy and started to wonder why everyone was so weird, knowing that something must have happened while he passed out.

 

“Seriously what happened last night?”

 

 

********

 

 

It was almost morning already but Howon didn’t get to sleep that much, feeling the warmth of his boyfriend’s body lying next to him on the bed. He didn’t expect more from him after he got to play around a bit, but he couldn’t forget the feeling of his skin and how much more he had wanted to feel. Everything smelled like him; the room, the pillows, the sheets, the blankets, even his own clothes.

 

He was finally about to fall back to sleep when a call came, it was Sunggyu.

 

Howon felt that it wasn’t a good idea to pick up the call but as the elder called again he decided to answer just in case something came up.

 

“Hyung why are you calling me so early?”

 

“Woohyun fainted we’re at the dorm” Sunggyu sounded really shocked at the other end of the wire and Howon started to worry because Woohyun was usually a good drinker and out of all the times they went out together nothing like this ever happened. “Can you come back home? Please?”

 

“What about the others? Where are they?”

 

“I don’t know nobody’s here.. I know it’s not the right time but I really need to talk to you”

 

“What do you want to talk about?” Howon pronounced, trying not to wake Myungsoo up.

 

“You know what I want to talk about” Sunggyu sounded weird, but Howon understood right away what he had in mind. “I just really want to see you right now”

 

“Are we really gonna talk?” Howon asked, unsure about the answer.

 

“Can you just come?”

 

“...” he looked at Myungsoo who was still asleep next to him, his cute face hidden in his pillow. He took a really long sigh before replying, knowing that what he was about to do was a really bad idea. “I’m coming” he spoke finally, hanging up before the elder could say anything else.

 

He felt so bad, shaking Myungsoo’s shoulder to wake him up the boy smiled at him happily extending his arm to ask for a hug. “I’m sorry I have to go now” Howon whispered, deposing few little kisses behind his ear as his boyfriend frowned at him, looking really displeased.

 

Myungsoo didn’t reply anything but glared at Howon as the latter got up and started to gather his stuff, shoving his phone inside his pocket and grabbing his sweatshirt to put it back on.

 

“I’m sorry Woohyun isn’t feeling well I have to go. I’ll pick you up at work later, okay?” Howon pecked his lips but his boyfriend kept glaring at him, he felt sorry to leave like this but he felt like he had to. “I promise Myungsoo”

 

“Was it Sunggyu hyung on the phone?” Myungsoo asked but Howon didn’t know what to answer.

 

“Do you want to come with me?” He knew that Myungsoo wouldn't want to, but still asked just to be sure he wouldn’t suspect anything weird to happen.

 

“No thanks, I’ll see you later”

 

Howon leaned down to kiss him goodbye, before leaving Myungsoo sulking, promising himself to do something really nice for him the next day to make up for this.


	7. Chapter 7

Howon stopped at the convenience store on his way back home to buy some painkillers, snacks and energy drinks, knowing that Woohyun would need them once he’d wake up after drinking enough to pass out.

 

Sunggyu almost jumped on him when he entered the dorm, before leading him to Woohyun who was lying in recovery position on his bed . Howon checked on him, pulling his blankets up to his neck, feeling relieved to see that his friend was fine before looking at Sunggyu who looked at him with a nervous smile.

 

“Let’s leave him like this he should be fine” Howon pronounced, patting Sunggyu’s shoulder as he passed him to go back to the living room. “Did you sober up?”

 

“How not to when he suddenly passed out in my arms”

 

“In your arms? Did you two..?” Howon sank in the couch on his usual spot, resting his feet on the coffee table to act as if he was relaxed. 

 

“Woohyun kissed me… ” Sunggyu sat on the couch right next to Howon. “You know I like him and all, like really...” he tugged Howon’s arm as the latter tried not to look at him because he knew already why Sunggyu called him for, and why he hurried this way to come. “But for some reasons I kept thinking about you” he added, moving closer to snuggle up against him as the other released a long sigh, trying to remember how much he liked Myungsoo and how wrong it was to betray him.

 

“Why?” Howon asked, glancing at Sunggyu who reached for him to depose kisses on his neck, his hand sliding on his thigh.

 

“It may be the last time I can enjoy this kind of sex” Sunggyu whispered as Howon pushed him to sit away, knowing that it was a really bad idea to let the elder tempt him. “I mean just sex for fun… sex with you” the elder added as Howon pushed him away again without any conviction, feeling his slender fingers making their way under his sweatshirt. As much as Myungsoo turned him on when they were making out, Sunggyu knew exactly what triggers to pull to have what he wanted. Howon closed his eyes trying to remember how beautiful Myungsoo looked when he said that he loved him, how much he himself liked him and the promise he had made to himself not to make anything that could hurt him ever again. “I know you have Myungsoo, but I can’t help but think that we both know how awesome it is when we have sex, isn’t it?”

 

“I really like Myungsoo” Howon breathed out, clenching his teeth and fists tightly, still rising his chin to expose his neck as Sunggyu kissed his skin again. “He doesn’t deserve this”

 

“Come on we both know you’re already hard just at the thought that you could fuck tonight, am I right?” Sunggyu traced his jaw with his fingers, his voice getting breathier as he sat on Howon’s laps, blocking his shoulders as the latter exhaled slowly. “Why would you have left Myungsoo to come to me either? Your body wants it” he added against his lips, pulling him into a kiss with an excited hum as the younger grabbed his hips, slowly giving up on his resolutions once again for the addicting feeling of this body against his. 

 

Howon had knew from the very start that Sunggyu was right, just because he was a selfish and horny bastard who didn’t deserve the love of someone as pure and sincere as Myungsoo. He loved him, he knew he did, but it maybe was his last chance to have Sunggyu and to feel this amazing again. He never expected the elder to blow his mind this way when they first had sex, and how he still made his body burn up when his lips worked on his skin, his hands brushed his stomach and lowered dangerously down into his pants, palming teasingly his hardening cock through the material of his underwear.

 

“We shouldn’t...” Howon whispered suddenly as the elder shushed him with a kiss, getting up to kneel down between his legs.

 

Sunggyu pulled his already erected member out of his sweatpants to tease the tip with his tongue. Howon placed his hand on his neck to guide his movements, his thighs twitching as he ran his tongue over the veins before taking the length in his mouth, sucking up hard enough to make the other gasp heavily. Sunggyu’s warm and wet mouth around his cock felt so good, but he couldn’t help but remember how it felt even better when he’d be even deeper inside of him. He closed his eyes again, trying not to think about Myungsoo anymore because having his adorable face popping up in his mind made him feel even guiltier now that it was Sunggyu’s body he was yearning for.

 

The latter kept bobbing his head up and down when Howon opened his eyes again, the wet noises he made were just as arousing as the gaze he had while sucking him off.

 

“One more time means nothing” Howon uttered, his voice turning a bit hoarse as he pulled Sunggyu’s hair to make him release his member because he started to feel it a bit too much. The latter nodded, before going back to suckle the tip of his swollen cock, licking off the precum which started to drip from its slit before releasing it, putting it back into his pants.

 

“It doesn’t count” Sunggyu assured the corner of his lips curling into a little smile as he expected the other to finally make a move on him; Howon grasped him to topple him over the couch, the elder released a high pitched giggle, kicking the coffee table with a big noise, scattering the snacks and drinks from the plastic bag all over it.

 

“Be quiet” Howon whispered as the elder pressed his lips together, helping him removing his sweatshirt before they kissed again, messily. Sunggyu tugged on his shirt almost desperately, sliding his hand all over his back, and grabbed his butt through his pants as Howon rocked his hips to rub their crotch together, repeating the same move a few times, smirking at the cute noises that escaped the elder. 

 

“No time for teasing” murmured Sunggyu. “Just do it”

 

Howon nodded, knowing that it’d be morning soon and Dongwoo, Sungyeol or even Minseok could enter the room at any moment. He leaned away, opening Sunggyu’s pants and pushing them to his knees along with his underwears, leaving the elder squirming with a whine of complaints as he paused to look at his exposed bottom-half for a moment. Howon wettened his lips, before nibbling and sucking on the skin of his hips to his groin, wrapping his fingers around his pulsing length, wondering what he would do to him this time as Sunggyu kicked off his clothes. 

 

With another series of little surprised moans, he turned Sunggyu on his stomach and lifted his hips in the air, pressing his head against one of the pillows of the couch to muffle his noises. Howon stroked the back of his thigh, spreading his exposed buttocks finding himself a bit mesmerized by the way Sunggyu’s entrance clenched at the rythm of his breathing.

 

Howon felt his cock twitching at the thought that he’d fill him very soon as he deposed kisses on his skin, deciding not to tease him anymore and directly flattened his tongue against his hole. Sunggyu let out a little cry, his whole body jerking suddenly against him as Howon kept licking the same spot feeling the ring of muscles loosening, letting his tip in as he pushed his tongue further and further, curling it up more and more against the soft walls as Sunggyu moaned his name, his back arching and his thighs quivering as Howon grasped his hips hard enough to keep him for squirming.

 

“Howon.. I can’t” Sunggyu moaned out, his nails sinking into the material of the couch with a ripping noise as the other sucked his tongue back in his mouth with an amused chuckle.

 

“Hyung seriously...” Howon pulled away slightly to remove his shirt, knowing that the elder wasn’t going to keep it low, and rolled it up to gag Sunggyu with it tying it with a knot on the back of his head. The elder shivered probably because of the kinky move, groping anything he could as Howon pushed the tip of his middle finger into the his entrance after coating with his saliva. “You sound even sexier like this”

 

Howon felt so excited he couldn’t control his breathing, he pushed a first finger in easily, feeling the welcoming walls stretching up around it, allowing him to directly put a second one in. He pushed it against Sunggyu’s walls, knowing that the elder would handle it and started to thrust them in and out to loosen the entrance even more. 

 

“We don’t have lube, is it okay?” He asked in a whisper, tracing gently the marks his fingers let on the elder’s hips. Sunggyu twisted his neck to look at him and nodded, his narrowed eyes glowing in tears as he pushed a third finger inside of him.

 

Sunggyu hummed at the loss as the younger removed his fingers a while later, pulling back out his cock drenched with precum, spitting on his palm to mix his saliva with it. He took in a deep breath, his stomach jolting as he pushed the tip inside of the elder; he closed his eyes tightly, focusing on the feeling of this warm flesh sucking him in slowly. 

 

Howon knew it was wrong to enjoy this warmth and this pleasure, but he liked it so damn much; he stroked the skin of his arched back, lifting his shirt higher and higher to expose him more, letting out a satisfied groan, leaning in to kiss Sunggyu’s neck once he was fully inside, waiting a moment that the other to relax to start moving inside of him. He felt so sorry to enjoy this, closing his eyes to focus back on his feelings and kept ramming harder and harder, encouraged by the elder’s muffled moans. It felt so good, palming the curve of his hips as he kept thrusting again and again, biting his lips to contain his noises. 

 

He pulled out, turning Sunggyu on his back after a while, lifting him up to sat him on his laps; his teeth tightly clenched around the shirt in his mouth that gagged him as he lowered on his cock slowly, staring intensely straight into his eyes. The elder threw his head back, resting his hands on the back of the couch behind Howon to support himself as he started to bounce up and down. 

 

Howon smiled against the skin of his neck, deposing wet kisses on it, resisting the urge to leave another hickey as he spotted the mark he left the previous time. He could feel the elder’s hard on poking his bare stomach at times at it bounced along with him; the sight was somehow breathtaking.

 

Howon removed the gag, letting it hang around his neck as Sunggyu kissed him deeply, his tongue brushing against his own sloppily, their teeth sometimes colliding as they both were too lost into the pleasure to pay attention.

 

“Touch me more” Sunggyu breathed out, shivering all over again as Howon stroked his thighs, thrusting up into him. 

 

Howon panted so hard his mouth and throat felt dry, he grabbed Sunggyu’s length with one hand and groped his buttock with the other to accompagn his movements as he kept moving on his cock desperately. He finally toppled him back on the couch to thrust as hard as he wanted, blocking his mouth with his own to muffle his noises as he kept jerking him off, feeling the elder’s heel pressing against his back as he wrapped his legs around his pelvis.

 

His orgasm started to hit him as Sunggyu’s clenched so hard around his cock he couldn’t contain it anymore; he kept thrusting, coming in spurts inside of the other and kept stroking his member feeling the warm and sticky substance on his hands, guessing that the elder came as well. He didn't move for a while, listening to Sunggyu’s muffled moans slowing down as his breathing become more regular before pulling out his softening cock from him as the elder lied there with no strength left, his legs spread and arms stretched out above his head, breathing slowly with his nose completely dazed.

 

“We did it again” Howon pronounced, still breathing heavily, collapsing above the elder who didn’t reply but wrapped his arms around his neck to pull him into a warm hug. It felt awful now that pleasure faded away, there was only those bitter regrets left.

 

“We’re screwed” Sunggyu laughed weakly.

 

“I’m not really good at being a faithful and loving boyfriend, isn’t it?” Howon sighed, pressing his forehead against the elder’s shoulder; he bit on the inside of his cheeks so hard that the skin started to cut open under his teeth, the sharp pain somehow distracted him from the feeling of guiltiness that squeezed his heart. “Myungsoo really doesn’t deserve this” Howon added in a breath, feeling Sunggyu’s body stiffening under him.

 

“I wanted to believe I standed a chance next to Myungsoo but in the end you only talk about him” Sunggyu pronounced with a sad laugh, Howon felt so regretful he wished he could just lock himself away and not to have to bear with all the consequences.

 

He wanted to disappear, he even came to wonder how he would have become the kind of person he had despised until now; it wasn’t him. He felt worthless and dirty, but he didn’t want to blame Sunggyu either, it would be too easy to blame others for his own mistakes. The elder finally let his arms fall back on the couch as Howon got up, untying the shirt around the his neck to clean his hand with it. “You’d never have noticed me if you weren’t this frustrated, right?”

 

“I don’t know” Howon replied as Sunggyu sat up to grab the rest of his clothes with an ironic chuckle.

 

Howon entered his room to grab a new shirt, and checked on Woohyun who was sleeping in the same position as before. He kneeled next to his bed, staring at his face for a while as he started to feel so bad about having sex with Sunggyu again, trying to imagine the situation the other way around, if Woohyun would touch Myungsoo, and knew how betrayed he’d feel. He knew that Woohyun fell in love with Sunggyu already, but he couldn’t resist, he just couldn't. 

 

He felt even worse this time than before because he couldn't lie to himself anymore about letting his urges control him, it wasn’t because of alcohol, it wasn’t even Sunggyu’s fault; it was only him.

 

Howon sat back on the couch, feeling exhausted but he felt like he didn’t deserve to get any sleep; Sunggyu rejoined him after cleaning himself up in the bathroom, he didn’t look too happy either now that their feelings had calmed down. He sat next to him with a little sigh, his hands cupped together as he glanced shortly toward the room Woohyun was sleeping in. 

 

“I’m sorry for making you do it again” Sunggyu pronounced after a while, playing with his fingers nervously as Howon didn’t even look at him his gaze lost somewhere above the black screen of the television. 

 

“Woohyun told me he hated the way you acted around me” Howon declared, his throat felt dry and sore. “He sounded all serious about you but I really don’t know how to face him now”

 

“I never did this kind of things before” Sunggyu pronounced softly, his eyes lowering on Howon’s lips as the latter started to feel that nothing good would come out from this. “To be honest with you, I only did it because I really like you”

 

Howon froze, wishing that he could unhear what the elder just said.

 

“I like Woohyun as well, but the way I felt with you was so… right” Sunggyu chuckled at his own words, his leg moving restlessly. “The other day when you kept telling me that I was cute and stuff… I just wanted to try something with you…”

 

Howon let out a long breath, folding his arms on his chest.

 

“Hyung.. I don’t know what to reply without sounding like a big jerk…”

 

“I don’t expect you to reply anything since I know you really were serious about Myungsoo and all” Sunggyu shook his head quickly as the other finally looked at him. “I just thought we could.. I don’t know.. See each others sometimes, like tonight”

 

He just felt sorry about everything he did, and knew Sunggyu must feel miserable every time he touched him, and even more when he voiced out his regrets right after. Howon still leaned in to kiss him again, knowing that Sunggyu’s pride would get hurt by being used this way but that the elder still wouldn't reject him. As much as it would hurt him, Sunggyu’s arms still wrapped around Howon tightly, his lips parting willingly to deepen the kiss, accepting him.

 

It felt so easy to give in.

 

“It’s not right” Howon pronounced after a while against his lips as the other looked at him, confused. “As good as it sounds”

 

Sunggyu nodded, stroking his hair as he kissed him again.

 

“It will only hurt you”

 

“It’s okay” Sunggyu assured with a smile, planting long sensual kisses on Howon’s lips. The latter’s eyes shot open at the sound of the front door opening, he was so into it that he didn’t even hear that someone was taping the code. He pulled away from Sunggyu as fast as he could to face a frowning Dongwoo.

 

“Hyung” Howon got up quickly on his feet, freaking out slightly.

 

“Is it really what I think it is?” Dongwoo spoke, his eyes darting between Sunggyu and Howon who didn't dare moving an inch.

 

“I'm afraid it is” Sunggyu replied finally before Howon could say anything.


	8. Chapter 8

“Why?” Dongwoo clenched his fist tightly but his voice still remained pretty calm. “What are you two even thinking?”

 

Dongwoo was usually someone joyful and comprehensive, but he hated this kind of situations, and Howon could remembered how pissed he had get at one of their friends before, when he admitted cheating on his girlfriend. Howon staggered a bit when his friend punched him, hearing Sunggyu gasp in his back as the sharp pain made him clench his teeth. He knew Dongwoo wouldn't tell anyone what he saw, and that as mad as he would get he would only do this for Howon to realize what he was doing.

 

“You know you deserved this one” Dongwoo replied, stepping back slightly in case Howon would fight back but he didn’t.

 

“Did you really have to hit him?” Sunggyu ran to Howon’s side to check on him, feeling his arm wrapping protectively around his neck and the sound of his voice made his stomach jolt as if he was about to throw up.

 

“Do you even know how much Myungsoo loves you?” Dongwoo continued, still frowning.

 

“Mind your own business” Howon muttered between his teeth, feeling his hands trembling, he knew he was horrible to betray two of the people he loved the most in this world, and that he was using the feelings Sunggyu had for him to lure him into having sex. “What do you even know?”

 

“I only know that we really need to talk Howon” Dongwoo said quite sternly, trying to grab his arm as Howon shook himself off violently, pushing both Dongwoo and Sunggyu away before storming into his room, slamming the door behind him. He resisted the urge to kick or punch anything as Woohyun stirred in his sleep with a little groan, and sat on his bed to sort out his feelings, still shivering from head to toe. He didn’t want to act like a coward but he couldn’t bring himself to tell either Woohyun nor Myungsoo what happened, he didn’t want to face any of them even.

 

He felt so mad at Myungsoo for letting him feel this way, so mad at Sunggyu for growing to like him, so mad at Woohyun for letting this happen again, so mad at Dongwoo for walking into them making out, but most of all so mad at himself for being such a dick. 

 

“It's my fault too if it happened, don't blame him” he heard Sunggyu pronounce on the other side of the door. It felt so wrong to hear the elder blaming himself he felt like throwing up again, he couldn’t stand it, he ransacked his bed to find his earphones because he didn’t want to hear more. Howon glanced at Woohyun’s sleeping face, he looked so peaceful that it made him feel even worse; he felt few tears escaping his eyes, rolling down his cheeks as he pressed on his ears with his trembling hands, sobbing as silently as he could, realising what he had done.

 

It seemed that he had fallen asleep because Sunggyu woke him up a while later when he entered the room; he helped him lying under his blankets, and turned off the music on his phone with the saddest expression he ever saw on the elder’s face. Howon thanked him under his breath without looking at him in the eyes and turned on his other side to face the wall. “Don’t blame yourself too much, we’re only humans” Sunggyu muttered, his hand still tugging the rim of Howon’s blanket. “If you liked me back at least...” he added with a sigh as the other didn’t react, trying not to start crying again, waiting to hear the elder climbing into Sungyeol’s bed to close his eyes, his heart squeezing painfully inside of his chest. 

 

Howon woke up again to an empty room, guessing that it was late already. He was glad he didn’t have to face Woohyun nor Sunggyu right after waking up. He got up, feeling weak and groggy, his eyes puffy from crying and his cheek bruised; he looked like a mess. He had decided to spend a few days at Myungsoo’s to get himself together, knowing that his boyfriend would be glad about it, and packed his stuff into his sport bag.

 

The living room was so silent when he entered it that he thought nobody was there at first, until he noticed Woohyun sitting on the couch, almost immobile, staring blankly at the wall. “Hey” he greeted him, trying his best to sound normal as he felt that something wasn’t right about his friend when Woohyun’s eyes locked on him with a deathly glare.

 

 

********

 

 

“Something happened last night, and whatever started between us I think it’s better if we give ourselves more time” Sunggyu pressed his lips together as Woohyun watched him in disbelief, wondering what he had done wrong to get rejected like this suddenly when things seemed to be going just fine the night before. “Actually, there’s someone else I like”

 

“Oh really?” Woohyun’s voice broke into a barely audible whisper.

 

“I really do like you” Sunggyu added, taking a deep breath as Woohyun snorted ironically. “I know it’s horrible to ask this but I need more time to sort out my feelings.. I hope you would wait for me”

 

It was exactly how it feared it to be. He wondered what happened for Sunggyu to change his mind like this, he couldn't believe it, but he just felt that his assumptions about him and Howon having an affair were right. 

 

“Were you with that someone last night?” He asked, the elder seemed hesitant to answer but finally nodded slowly; a nervous laugh escaped him as Sunggyu averted his gaze. “This jerk didn’t leave a bite mark this time?” Woohyun coldly added, feeling so betrayed that all the anger and frustration he had bottled up until then threatened to explode at any moment. “You’re leaving me for a guy who sneak out before you wake up? No way he likes you the way I do”

 

“I know he doesn’t” Sunggyu replied, he didn’t look happy about this either.

 

“Just tell me... it’s not Howon, right?” Woohyun grabbed his shoulder as the elder finally looked at him in the eyes. But what if Howon, if it was indeed him, liked Sunggyu back? Would he really leave him then? What if he would have to fight to get Sunggyu back? Even then would he keep living scared he could come back and claim him his anytime? Because he wouldn't give up on the elder so easily, even if it was for his friend. 

 

“Sungyeol told me Myungsoo never let him touch him so I… but I shouldn’t have… because he’s your friend…” The sight of Sunggyu’s eyes starting to glow with tears broke his heart again, but the other didn’t try to catch him when he got up to leave. “I became greedy I’m sorry” he pronounced before quickly grabbing his coat, and stormed out of the appartment, leaving Woohyun in shock. 

 

 

He didn’t move from the couch after that, knowing Howon would wake up anytime soon and act as if nothing happened. He tried to imagine what he’d tell him, how he’d tell him, how much he wanted to hit him and to hurt him as much as he was hurting him. But he needed to know the truth first, to hear it from his own mouth, clearly, because he couldn't handle it any longer.

 

 

“Hey” the boy greeted as he entered the room, drawing Woohyun out of his thoughts. “What’s wrong?” He held it in for a while, because his anger was too overwhelming for him to express it right away, his mouth gaping open.

 

“Sunggyu rejected me” Woohyun’s voice quivered slightly but he remained motionless. “He told me he had someone else he likes” Woohyun added watching Howon pressed his lips together, his gaze darkening as he seemed to understand the situation. “Tell me you didn’t do that to me...”

 

“Woohyun...”

 

“How could you? You lied to my face and told me that you wanted things to work out for me with him… but you had fun fucking him in my back” Woohyun finally let it out in a threatening whisper, feeling so mad he was about to cry but he still acted strong as Howon stood there saying nothing, and it only made things worse. “How could you do something like this to me?!”

 

“I didn’t mean to...” 

 

“I’m not even mad because Sunggyu likes you, I mean I knew it from the start..” a nervous laugh erupted from his throat, he didn’t even want to hear some made up excuses from him. “I guess I was stupid to try anyhow” Woohyun felt tears prickling his eyes as he talked. “Also, I was stupid to believe in you”

 

“What happened between us didn’t mean anything” Howon assured, he looked sincere but Woohyun felt even worse because of this. 

 

“It mattered to him” he shouted, throwing a cushion at his friend who protected his face with his arms. “Did you think that it was okay? That I could easily have him once you’d get tired to fuck him so I wouldn’t mind?”

 

“Of course not…”

 

“I don’t care if you cheat on Myungsoo but why it had to be with the guy I like?” Woohyun felt his arm trembling, he was keeping himself from breaking down. “Can you tell me why?”

 

“It just happened” Howon replied as Woohyun sprang at him, toppling them both on the floor and seized his throat to block his friend’s body, raising his free arm, ready to punch him. Howon was holding Woohyun’s wrist as the elder couldn’t bring himself to hurt him, so they stood still like this for a long moment staring at each other's eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you” Howon breathed out, half choking, letting his arms slowly fall on the floor as Woohyun tightened his hold, panting like crazy as Dongwoo appeared in the room, running to them to make Woohyun unleash Howon and dragged him far from him as the latter sat up, rubbing his throat and coughing.

 

“I can’t believe you did this to me” Woohyun spit out angrily. “I really trusted you”

 

***

 

Howon and Dongwoo left already when he finished showering. When he had told him to leave the dorm, his friend replied that he wouldn’t ever come back, and out of all the things that happened that morning, this was by far the most painful one. He picked up the cushion he threw at Howon on his way back to the couch, guessing that Sungyeol was finally coming home as he heard someone opening the door. The boy greeted him with a one of his cheerful gummy smile, slipping off his shoes before sitting with him, taking one of the cans on the coffee table.

 

“Hangover?” Sungyeol asked as Woohyun didn’t know what to answer.

 

“We have to find a new roommate” he only replied, knowing that Sungyeol as Myungsoo’s best friend, would react as vividly as him if he knew what was going on, but he really needed a friend to talk to at this moment.

 

“What? Why? Did something happen with Howon?” He asked, his naive face putting a half smile on Woohyun’s lips. “Myungsoo texted me he said that he left in the middle of the night? Did you have a fight?”

 

“So he even left Myungsoo to come here” His voice sounded so flat and emotionless, it felt like someone else was using his mouth to talk. “Did you know that Sunggyu and Howon were fucking?”

 

“Sunggyu and Howon what?!” Sungyeol exclaimed.

 

“I really thought he loved Myungsoo enough not to fuck up” Woohyun snorted, rubbing his face with his hands. 

 

“I can’t believe this...”

 

“I bet this wouldn’t have happened if your friend knew how to open his legs” he said cynically, feeling really resentful to anyone related to this mess.

 

“Don’t talk about Myungsoo like this” Sungyeol frowned, hitting his arm as the other didn’t even reply, feeling so depressed that he didn’t have the energy to fight anymore. “Howon is such a dick how dare he do something like this to Myungsoo?! He doesn’t even know how lucky he is to have him”

 

“Thank you for always caring about how I feel” Woohyun mumbled sarcastically, knowing that Sungyeol was biased toward Myungsoo and would react this way.

 

“I'm going to text this horny jerk to give him a piece of my mind” Sungyeol frowned, angrily grabbing his phone in his pocket. “I’ll make him explain what the fuck is going on in his head”

 

“Aren’t you the one who told Sunggyu that Myungsoo wouldn’t let Howon touch him?” Woohyun didn’t feel like arguing, he didn’t need more drama at this moment, but sometimes he couldn’t understand how his friend was thinking. “You shouldn’t put your nose in this business again, you brought enough problems already”

 

“Am I supposed to lie to my best friend?” Sungyeol was typing a long message to Howon on his phone. “I don’t mind covering Howon when he fucks up but not when it’s about Myungsoo”

 

“Sungyeol I’m serious” Woohyun sighed, grabbing his friend’s wrist. “Aren’t you the one who tried so hard for them to end up together”

 

“I changed my mind”

 

“It’s not your business seriously” he wished his friend wouldn’t be so stubborn. “Howon is the one who should tell him”


	9. Chapter 9

Dongwoo made Howon sit into his car and locked the both of them up inside. “Talk it out” the elder folded his arm on his chest as Howon let out a short sigh, it was unusual to see such a serious expression on his usually smiling face. “Myungsoo doesn't want to have sex with you, is that the problem?”

 

Howon felt so stupid, put into words so simply like this, the situation sounded even more ridiculous.

 

“I know you're not happy and that it’s frustrating and embarrassing to talk about it” Dongwoo talked softly and Howon was glad he wasn’t going to lecture him because he wouldn't have handled it. “I'm your friend too, if you have worries you should tell me”

 

“I thought I may start to love Myungsoo genuinely...” Howon finally confessed, feeling sorry to bother Dongwoo with his love issues. “But he keeps rejecting me and I feel like we’re not going anywhere, and because you all expect so much from our couple it stresses me out... but with Sunggyu… I just didn’t have to ask for anything it just happened… I couldn’t help it...”

 

“I gave in” he concluded finally with a little sigh.

 

Now that he was about to lose Woohyun, he understood how wrong he was and how much Myungsoo didn’t deserve any of this either. If he had been more gentle, truthful and comprehensive with him, he’d maybe trust him enough to let him see his embarrassing sides. He was so impatient and selfish yet both Myungsoo and Sunggyu expected more from him, but he didn’t even know himself anymore what he really wanted, or even the way he really felt.

 

“Of course you’d give in at some point” Dongwoo replied, nodding with a compassionate smile. “What are you planning to do? You’re going to stop seeing Sunggyu, right?”

 

“I know I should” Howon didn’t know anymore, he knew Myungsoo would be the right choice to be able to settle down, but he didn’t know anything if this really was what he was looking for, he didn’t know if he could commit himself entirely to him without being absolutely sure. “But I came to wonder if Myungsoo really was the one for me”

 

“Don’t you have an idea about the answer?”

 

“Maybe” Howon chuckled, he wanted to know how Myungsoo was so precious to him, yet he didn’t know if he deserved his love anymore; although he promised himself not to give up on their relationship, he hoped that these few days he planned to spend with him would help him have a proper answer.

 

“Whatever you decide I’ll be there for you, but don’t ever cheat again or I’ll have to punch you harder” Dongwoo didn’t seem mad anymore, maybe because he was starting to pity him somehow. “I hope your friendship with Woohyun won’t suffer from this too much, I never would have imagined that you two would fight one day...”

 

Howon thanked him, thinking that there maybe was no way he would make up for this to his friend, and grabbed his bags on the back seat before walking away, feeling deeply thankful to Dongwoo for listening to him at a time like this.

 

  
***

 

  
Howon pushed the door of the little convenience store as he did so many times before, but his heart felt heavier this time. He spotted Myungsoo who greeted him with his usual cute smile, fading away slightly as he must have noticed how much a mess Howon was at this moment. 

 

“What happened to your face?” Myungsoo approached him, extending his hand to touch his bruised cheek but Howon pulled away; his hand hung in the air for an instant before he let it fall back on his side. “Did you have a fight?”

 

“Can we have a talk somewhere.. just the two of us?” Howon asked, feeling his heart pounding nervously. 

 

“We can go to the storage room, nobody’s here right now” Myungsoo nodded and leaded him to the door at the back of the shop, looking at him suspiciously as Howon closed the door behind them with a heavy sigh.

 

“Are you leaving somewhere? Why do you have your bags?” his boyfriend asked as Howon wanted to hug him really bad but restrained himself from doing so. 

 

“I had a fight with Woohyun and decided to leave the dorm”

 

“It looks bad” Myungsoo whispered as Howon let him touch his face this time. “What happened for you two to fight? I thought it would never happen”

 

“I… we...” Howon chuckled sarcastically, his stomach dropping as Myungsoo tilted his head to the side, he didn’t have the heart to hurt such an adorable face. “Trivial stuff... it’ll get better in a few”

 

“You want to stay at my place? Is that what you wanted to ask?” 

 

Howon nodded, feeling his boyfriend's hand grabbing his sport bag, putting it aside at their feet before hugging him tightly, pressing his cheek against his temple.

 

“I’m glad I finally can show you that you can rely on me” Myungsoo kissed his temple as Howon wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, closing his eyes; it felt so warm that he had a hard time trying to contain his tears as he tugged the back of his boyfriend's uniform jacket. “You can stay as long as you need”

 

“I’m sorry” he whispered between his teeth, resting his forehead on Myungsoo’s shoulder with a sigh. “I’m so sorry”

 

  
********

 

  
Woohyun opened his eyes to Howon’s empty bed, and as every morning his stomach dropped as he remembered what happened. It had been slightly more than a week already since that day and he didn’t get any news from neither his friend nor Sunggyu. He didn’t go to college either, and asked Sungyeol to cover him up for the coffee shop, telling the manager that he was stuck in bed with a flu.

 

Sungyeol seemed really upset about the whole situation as well, Woohyun talked with him about it several times during the past week to persuade him not to tell anything to Myungsoo, because the perspective to ruin whatever chance he had left with Sunggyu scared him, but losing Howon definitely frightened him even more. 

 

Dongwoo told him that the latter was staying at Myungsoo’s, he felt sorry for the poor boy, he knew that he was smart enough to feel that his boyfriend was drifting away from him; even before he started to see Sunggyu, Howon never was an affectionate boyfriend to Myungsoo. Woohyun always gladly covered him up when he didn’t feel like spending time alone with him; Howon wasn’t ready to settle down in the first place, but he still had tried his best because he liked Myungsoo a lot.

 

Woohyun chuckled at the memories from the previous year when Howon got a blowjob in the bathroom of a club by some guy he was too drunk to even remember the face of, and had woken him up, lying with him on this bed still completely drunk, just to tell him about it as soon as he had come back home in the morning.

 

Lately Howon stopped to share things with him, and Woohyun already missed how close they used to be. It had started when him and Myungsoo had started to date, because everyone around them had so many expectations for their couple that when he saw that it wasn’t going as well as everybody hoped, he just chose to keep all the burden to himself. Sungyeol was the one who made Myungsoo confess to Howon and actively set them up together. He started to wonder if he should have done something to help his friend at that time, before all this mess would have happened, instead of assuming that everything would be fine just like others did.

 

When he arrived in class that day, he tried to act as his normal self, cheerfully greeting everyone; it was harder than he thought to smile as brightly as usual when he felt this depressed. At lunch time, he walked to the bench they used to all gather at before going to eat together. Sungyeol left earlier to study at the library, and that day only Dongwoo was sitting there, playing on his phone.

 

“I guess it’s only the two of us today” Woohyun sat with him as Dongwoo put his phone back into his pocket, patting his friend’s back gently. “Sorry I’m not really good company lately”

 

“It’s okay let’s eat you’ll feel a bit better, eh?” Dongwoo tried to cheer him up, grabbing his arm to drag him to the cafeteria. 

 

Woohyun sighed, spotting Sunggyu with a group of friends sitting at a table near them, he couldn’t help but glance at him, wondering if he was feeling down as well as he remained in his thoughts when his friends were laughing about some jokes around him. Dongwoo brought back a lunch box for him as he thanked him under his breath, still glancing at Sunggyu who finally glanced back, holding his gaze for a short while his lips curling into an apologetic smile before focusing back on his food. 

 

“Do you think they slept together again?” Woohyun asked as Dongwoo looked like he didn’t know what to answer, but the other didn’t really expect a reply, he was more talking to himself than really asking anyway. “I’m sorry for being like that” he added finally, feeling sorry to act this way when all Dongwoo wanted to do was help.

 

“It’s okay” assured the latter with a gentle smile. “You don’t have to be happy all the time”

 

Woohyun smiled back sadly.

 

“You talked to Howon that day, right?” he asked after a while, playing with his food without really eating. “I know he didn’t mean all this”

 

Dongwoo looked at him surprised. Woohyun had replayed the scene countless time in his head; when Sunggyu told him that he liked someone else, and admitted that he and Howon had sex, and the look in his eyes when he pinned his friend on the ground. Howon could have easily fought back if he had wanted to, but he didn’t; he wouldn’t have even if he had punched him either, because Howon knew that he was wrong, and as selfish as he was, he knew he treasured their friendship.

 

“It was you who punched him, right?” Woohyun continued to ask. “I wonder what would have happened if you hadn’t walked in to them kissing that day”

 

“I think it made Howon realize how wrong it was to do that” Dongwoo nodded slowly. “I feel a bit sad I couldn’t have this talk with him before”

 

“I don’t really want to feel sorry for him right now” Woohyun sighed, because he was saying so, but inside he still cared for Howon a lot. “I’m just so disappointed in him I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the back”

 

“I understand” Dongwoo extended his arm to pat his forearm as Woohyun’s glance lowered on his lunch box he barely even touched.

 

“I thought a lot about this, if he really wanted Sunggyu he should have say it, not that I would give up but at least it would have been less painful for me” Woohyun sighed. “Sunggyu shouldn’t have made me hope for nothing”

 

Dongwoo picked his spoon to make him eat as the other pouted like a child. 

 

“Sunggyu hyung isn’t a bad guy, he rejected you because he wanted to honest with you”

Woohyun chuckled ironically in answer, taking the spoon from his friend’s hand to eat by himself.


	10. Chapter 10

As often, Howon woke up in early morning. He turned on his side, smiling at how Myungsoo groaned in his sleep when he stroked him under his pajama shirt, and kept drawing invisible figures on his skin with the tip of his fingers, knowing that he wouldn’t wake up so easily.

 

He was staying at Myungsoo’s for about a week already, sleeping with him every night made him feel really, really horny. He felt guilty to feel this way, and not being able to say the truth; but he wanted to know what he really wanted and how he really felt before confessing the truth to him. It seemed easy to say it, to be able to sort out his feelings, but his mind was a mess and he didn't know what he should do anymore.

 

He thought about his talk with Dongwoo, when he said that not having sex with his boyfriend was the center of his insecurities, but he wasn't sure anymore if the way he had felt for Sunggyu only was out of pure sexual desire, or something different.

 

“Good morning” Howon whispered, lying Myungsoo on his back as the latter stretched his arms with a grin that made his adorable dimples shown. The other felt weirdly excited, placing himself above him, and leaned in, kissing his way to Myungsoo’s ear to run his tongue over it as the boy hummed at the feeling.

 

“It tickles” the boy breathed out, slowly waking up as the other kept nibbling on his earlobe, knowing that his boyfriend liked it when he would do that. Howon cupped his face to kiss him, softly at first, but as he felt himself getting turned on as his boyfriend kissed him back lazily, Howon could feel his heart pounding in his chest. They kept kissing, more and more greedily, he could feel one of Myungsoo’s hands tugging the back of his shirt as the other was pressing on his neck to deepen the kiss.

 

Howon didn’t know where this was going to lead them to.

 

“When you wake me up like this…” Myungsoo pulled his boyfriend’s hair, his breathing deepening suddenly as Howon was deposing few kisses along his neck, his legs spread by themselves to let the other install between them.

 

“It’s nothing to be afraid of, isn’t it?” Howon asked, leaning away slightly to look at him as Myungsoo nodded, blushing slightly as the other kissed his lips. It was becoming harder for him to reject Howon every time he touched him.

 

“Are you hard already?” Myungsoo asked, as Howon nodded, pecking his lips.

 

“Do you hate it?” Howon asked one last time against the other’s lips, noticing that Myungsoo looked a bit excited as he shook his head from left to right, pulling on his neck again to kiss him his hips rolling against Howon’s thigh as he lied closer. “You know, I just want you to feel good”

 

“Sungyeol said...” he pursed his lips. “I shouldn’t trust you, you could hurt me if I let you do it all the way”

 

“It may hurt, that's right” Howon scoffed at him for being so innocent. “But what Sungyeol doesn’t know is that if you trust me enough, I could make you feel really really good”

 

Howon felt that he was pushing him, watching into his eyes still full of sleep made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest, but he knew Myungsoo was about to give in to him. “Do you trust me?” He asked, kissing his cheek, wondering if the other would reject him again this time.

 

“I do” he replied in a whisper as Howon felt so aroused, his heart skipping few beats at how shaky both Myungsoo’s voice and breathing had grew. He moved slowly, sliding his hands under his pajama top to remove it as Myungsoo stretched his arm above his head to help him with a shy grin, watching Howon removing his own clothes before leaning in again to kiss him.

 

The way Myungsoo’s warm skin felt against his made Howon shiver from head to toe, he had waited to touch him this way for so long that he didn’t want to have any expectations anymore ever since he had sex with Sunggyu. But for the first time, although he was the one who started it out of habit, and Myungsoo still was awkward and didn’t know what to do with his hands, he could feel that he actually wanted it. Howon knew he wouldn’t have been a good and faithful boyfriend who could make him happy, but he was confident about making him feel good at least.

 

“Howon…” Myungsoo called breathily, his fingers sinking into the skin of Howon’s back. “I want to do it”

 

“Close your eyes if you’re embarrassed” Howon replied, lowering to kiss his chest, smirking at the way his boyfriend moaned weakly at every single move. He twirled his tongue around his nipple, teasing the bundle of flesh as Myungsoo’s hands moved over his shoulder blades. “I'll try not to make you cry”

 

“It's okay even if I cry” Myungsoo pronounced, cracking his eyelids open to look at his boyfriend who moved once again, sliding his hands inside of his pajama pants to stroke his cock to full hardness through the material of his underwear as the boy bit on his lips not to moan too loudly. Howon deposed few kisses on his flat stomach, restraining a smile at how his boyfriend was pulsing under his hand already. Myungsoo gasped as he wrapped his hands around his length to stroke it, he was enjoying it more than Howon expected. He released his member to remove his remaining clothes, and couldn’t wait to see more of this side of him. Myungsoo pressed his palms against his flushed cheeks with a slight frown, nervously nibbling on his bottom lip as the other stared back at him for a moment.

 

“You look great” Howon muttered gently, kissing Myungsoo’s inner thigh as the latter let out a shaky breath.

 

Howon was a bit nervous, it was his first time doing it with someone as inexperienced as Myungsoo, he was scared that his boyfriend wouldn’t like it or that he would hurt him. He paused, breathing the tang of his sweat as he closed his lips around his cock; Myungsoo wailed, arching his back when Howon took it in deeper with a slight grunt, glancing up to check his boyfriend’s expression, loving the way he pulled his hair harder every time he bobbed his head on his length.

 

“This is so good” the boy pronounced huskily as Howon kept going, trying to pleasure him enough to make him want more, but not enough for him to come. He released his member after a moment, feeling it pulsing dangerously against his tongue, and deposed few wet kisses on the length before pulling away.

 

“Are you sure you want to continue?” Howon whispered, tenderly stroking his thighs as Myungsoo hissed at the teasing, shivering. “I won’t do anything you dislike” he kept caressing him, kissing his groins and lower stomach.

 

“I’m fine”

 

Howon leaned away to grab the bottle of lube he had bought, just in case, in his bag as Myungsoo sat up, looking a bit dazed.

 

“You can lie on your stomach if you feel shy” Howon pronounced, patting his hair as the boy pouted. “But I can kiss you if you face me”

 

“I like it when you kiss me” Myungsoo replied, gasping slightly as his boyfriend pushed on his shoulder to lengthen him back on the bed, grabbing his pillow to place it under his hips, leaving his legs embarrassingly spread. “But you can’t laugh if I cry”

 

“I won’t”

 

Howon tried not to look too serious as he poured lube on his fingers, stroking Myungsoo’s thighs and sometimes his cock gently to make him relax. He could hear his breathing deepening slightly, his chest moving up and down as his eyes followed his moves, his reddened lips slightly pursed.

 

He finally pushed a first finger against the rim of his entrance, circling it before pushing in, palming the back of his thigh with his other hand and leaning above his boyfriend’s body to kiss him. His warm walls clenched around his finger as he pulled it out slightly to push it back in slowly; it would probably take a while to stretch him enough not to hurt him. Myungsoo gasped again as Howon curled his finger against his wall to make a room for a second one to enter, the boy was clinging to him, his fingers sinking into his nape and scalp almost painfully.

 

“It hurts?” Howon asked, genuinely concerned as his boyfriend shook his head slowly, before releasing a little whiny moan as the other pushed a second finger in. “I’ll pour more lube if you let go of me for a while”

 

“It feels weird” the boy stuttered, his hands still reaching for Howon who was busy pouring more lube on his fingers, pushing them deeper into the boy’s entrance as the latter stopped breathing for a while, before releasing a loud groan.

 

“I can’t guarantee it won’t hurt a bit now”

 

Howon waited for a while, but still felt a bit sorry as he pushed in a third finger in, turning and spreading them to stretch the ring of muscle, letting his boyfriend get used to the feeling as no noise escaped from him anymore. He guessed that Myungsoo was in pain, his cheeks were flushed already and his eyelids tightly closed, he kissed the insides of his knees, grabbing his length with his free hand to distract him from the burning feeling until he finally felt the walls of flesh loosening up around him.

 

Myungsoo started to moan again louder than before, calling his name to ask for a kiss that Howon granted him, feeling his teeth digging in his bottom lip pretty harshly as he started to move his fingers a bit more frankly. He leaned away slightly, pulling his fingers out slowly, and letting go of his length to undo his own pants and underwear, kicking his clothes off quickly.

 

Howon chuckled, grabbing the lube to pour some into his hand as Myungsoo’s glance kept falling on his throbbing cock as his mouth gaped open, his whole body was shuddering. It was almost a torture to watch the boy’s shy grin every time he would moan out of his touch as he stroked his legs with a gentle smile, and put the pillow back under his hips.

 

Howon installed himself, lining with his entrance, focusing not to hurt his boyfriend as he pushed himself inside him.

 

“So tight” Howon let out under his breath, his stomach flipping as he felt the warm walls closing around him, trying to catch his breath as Myungsoo winced in pain under him. He lied above him to hug him once he was deeply inside, he didn’t like seeing him in pain but he knew he would feel good soon enough. “Are you okay? Should I take it off?”

 

“It hurts but I’m okay it’s just…” the boy added in a squeaky voice, tears falling from his eyes as he tried to wipe them off as the other smiled against his skin.

 

Howon felt Myungsoo’s arms crossing in his back as he started to move slowly. He kissed his lips tenderly, moving his hips slowly to let the boy adjust; his breathing was slow but shaky, his arms and legs twitching at every new sensation.

 

In the end, he didn’t finish his sentence but pressed his lips against Howon’s, his back arching as the latter rocked his hips a bit more abruptly, sliding a hand down to his boyfriend’s length to stroke him a bit. Myungsoo felt so tight he had a hard time controlling his thrusts, he felt the need to reach deeper, to ravish him completely but he decided to contain himself and take it slow. He didn’t want to come right away, before that, he wanted to enjoy each moments their skin rubbed against each others, every kisses, and every waves of pleasure the sensation of his clenching walls were sending through him. The scent and taste of his sweat invaded his nose and mouth, he looked so cute even crying, even flushed and pleasured; he just realised how precious he was.

 

“Howon…” Myungsoo called, grabbing his shoulders as the latter rocked his hips harder, hitting deeper and deeper. “Howon howon….” the boy kept repeating his name a bit louder and in higher pitch every time, his breaths turning into pants, and moans escaping him as Howon seemed to hit the right spot.

 

“Does it still hurt?”

 

“N-not really” Myungsoo managed to pronounce, panting hard as Howon pressed their foreheads together. “Just don’t stop”

 

Howon pulled his boyfriend’s arms to make him let go, and leaned away to grab his thighs pushing them towards his chest to have better access.

 

“Please…” Myungsoo articulated weakly, shaky moans escaping him as Howon increased his pace, the sticky mix of lube, precum and sweat made their skin clap together in an erotic noise. The boy mewled, pushing back on Howon’s cock as he pulled in and out slower, leaning back in to kiss Myungsoo’s neck and shoulders, clenching his fists hard to keep himself from thrusting too roughly.

 

Howon stopped after a while as Myungsoo complained loudly; he grasped him to make him sit up without pulling out, cupping his face to kiss him, and guided him, seizing his waist to make him move on his cock, entering him even deeper; it felt so good he had to help him bounce, thrusting up quick and fast because Myungsoo looked close from coming as well.

 

He enjoyed this aroused look on his face, his glowing dark brown eyes almost closed and his dazed expression, his lips, usually curled into his cute kitty little smile, were now reddish and wet, unable to close.

 

“It feels amazing …” Myungsoo muttered as Howon slowed down for a while to rest. “To feel you so deeply inside me” he added, biting the inside of his cheeks to keep from moaning.

 

“I didn’t know your cute lips could stay such dirty things” Howon smiled, kissing Myungsoo who grinned back into the kiss.

 

“You’re so handsome it makes me feel weird here” he continued, banging his palm against his chest; Howon started to thrust up, Myungsoo’s heavy breathing broke into moans as he wrapped his hand around his length to stroke him, the boy was hidding his face into his boyfriend’s neck, kissing and nibbling on the skin repeatedly. They both gasped hard as Myungsoo reached his orgasm, his warm walls clenching around Howon’s cock which throbbed, unable to contain the pleasure anymore. He wanted to pull out but Myungsoo kept pushing back on him, taking it deeper and deeper for the last few thrusts as he released on his boyfriend’s hand and stomach as the latter barely had the time to pull off before coming as well.

 

Howon lengthened him back on the bed, still breathing heavily. Myungsoo closed his eyes, lying on his back with his arms spread in cross.

 

"Did you like it?" Howon asked, coming back from the bathroom he went to grab a wet towel.

 

“I wasn't expecting this” Myungsoo replied in a mere whisper “I'm just embarrassed you saw me like this” the boy added, letting Howon clean him up a bit.

 

“You should be more confident about yourself” Howon whispered, although he said so he couldn't watch him in the eyes, lying beside his boyfriend on the bed, and pulled the blankets over them.

 

“I love you” Myungsoo muttered, taking him in his arms, snuggling up against him, ready to fall back to sleep. Howon didn’t reply. He waited for this moment for so long, and the sex was way better than he had thought even if Myungsoo just let him take the lead completely, yet he didn’t feel as satisfied as he thought he would.

 

Howon sighed deeply, watching the ceiling blankly for long minutes, feeling weight of Myungsoo's head on his shoulder, wondering why it was Sunggyu he kept thinking about at such a moment.


	11. Chapter 11

“How long are you planning to stay here?” Sungjong asked an evening as he and Howon were eating in front of some variety shows; Myungsoo didn’t come back from his part time job at the convenience store yet.

 

“Do I bother you?”

 

“Hyung, don’t put words in my mouth” he rolled his eyes. “It’s just that it had been more than two weeks already”

 

“I wanted to spend some time with my boyfriend, can’t I?” Howon lied, but couldn’t hold in a sigh as Sungjong snorted in answer, he knew his friend wouldn’t buy that, but he didn’t know what else he could tell him.

 

“Woohyun hyung seems really down too… I’m just so worried about you two” Sungjong sounded genuinely concerned, but Howon couldn’t find a way to explain without saying the truth. “I even asked Sunggyu hyung about this but…”

 

“Sunggyu hyung?” asked Howon, he didn’t know how the elder felt about the whole situation and although he wanted to know, he thought it was better for them not to interact. He wanted to believe that those thoughts he had about Sunggyu only were a fad, that it was all because he felt so guilty for using him and his feelings to satisfy his own selfish and stupid sexual needs.

 

“He told me it was his fault”

 

It would have been so easy to say that none of this would have happened if the elder didn’t flirt with him. But Howon knew it wasn’t, because he had thought of cheating before, and it was only him who fucked up; he knew Sunggyu liked him to the point he gave up on Woohyun to have the slightest chance to have whatever fucked up relationship Howon could have agreed to them get into if Dongwoo didn’t interrupt them that morning, and he couldn’t blame him for trying, because it must have felt like hell to be used this way. He knew from the start that it was a bad idea, he already hurt Sunggyu and Woohyun, and now he was about to break Myungsoo’s heart as well.

 

“I can tell something happened between you all that day” Sungjong added, he talked gently as ever, so gently Howon wanted to spill out the truth.

 

“It’s my fault, I’ve made a huge mistake” Howon didn’t know if he should have said that but he hated lying to Sungjong. “And I don’t really know if I can make up for this”

 

Howon did want to tell Myungsoo about what he did, because his boyfriend deserved to know, and to be able to choose, whether he still wanted him in his life after that or not. But he was so scared to break him, Myungsoo was so precious and candid and he didn’t want to change what he was.

 

But he had to tell him. Because he was scared someone would before he has the occasion.

 

He knew Woohyun wouldn’t say anything, but Sungyeol could. Myungsoo’s overprotective best friend sent him a text message on the day he left the dorm, telling him to break up with his friend, and he had been avoiding any kind of interactions with him since then. Howon honestly liked Myungsoo, and never even thought of breaking up with him before, but he always had disliked how Sungyeol always tried to decide what was good for them instead of minding his own business, and how his boyfriend always listened to him blindly.

 

“You’re going to tell Myungsoo about it?” Sungjong grabbed his arm, pursing his lips as Howon just finished confessing the whole story with a long sigh as the younger man put his chopsticks back on the coffee table, his mouth gaping open. Howon could only laugh gloomily at himself for being this stupid, and nodded. “He noticed that something was wrong too… How could you even do this to him?”

 

“I know… But I don’t know what else I should do than begging him to forgive me now” Howon knew he shouldn’t have told him as Sungjong shook his head, Myungsoo was his friend and roommate yet he involved him in that mess. “I know it’s selfish to break his heart like this, but I can’t hide the truth from him, it’s not like it didn’t count at all I.. I still think about Sunggyu even now…”

 

“Are you even serious right now?” Sungjong asked, slapping Howon on the back of his head. “You didn’t even notice that Sunggyu was into you all this time, and you start doubting because of him suddenly?” the younger was right, he spent so many evenings drinking with him, and he somehow knew that the elder wasn’t indifferent, but he honestly never noticed before he confessed that he actually liked him, he didn’t even imagine having sex with him until he had felt frustrated enough to answer his flirting. “Why are you even wavering then? Why did you even start dating Myungsoo if you were going to fuck up before your 100 days together?”

 

“Sungjong...” Howon sighed, he knew he was right. He never asked himself why he started to date Myungsoo, as much as he liked him, what made him choose to start this relationship while knowing he wouldn’t be able to play around like in the past? What made him promise that he wouldn’t give up on him?

 

He sometimes wanted to blame Sungyeol for everything, but at the end of the day, it was his own choices that created this mess they were in at this moment. It seemed like a long time had passed since the semester started, he had been playing around all summer with Woohyun and the others, but he still remembered clearly that afternoon Myungsoo asked him to hang out, just the two of them. Howon always had liked him, from his face to his personality, there was nothing wrong about him; he wasn’t like his other friends who liked going out and would spend time with him chatting around a drink, or just wandering around in the neighborhood, rather than dancing in a packed club or a bar and getting wasted.

 

That day, they didn’t do anything special as always when they were hanging out together, just bought some drinks and snacks and sat on a bench by the river; then Myungsoo had confessed to him. It didn’t feel like a sudden realization that he always had feelings for this boy, but when he was with him it always felt right. Howon couldn’t recall meeting someone as cute as him before, even now he still felt the same. Every time he wanted to run away, he just had to look at him smiling and this sweet feeling was creeping inside his heart, making him forget his guiltiness for a moment, he wanted to stay by his sides.

 

But he had felt so right with Sunggyu as well when they were having sex, when his eyes were asking for more, when he welcomed him and his flaws he had felt so loved.

 

He wondered sometimes, if this wasn’t all he was searching for as fucked up as it sounded.

 

But he didn’t want to be like this, he wanted to be able to love Myungsoo back as much as he deserved to be loved, even if he doubted, even if it seemed too much for him, he couldn’t ruin it all for a mere whim.

 

Both Sunggyu and Myungsoo deserved better than this.

 

“Myungsoo’s worrying about you for a long time now, and you know how much he likes to blame himself for everything so… do what you have to do before it’s too late” Sungjong added on a reproachful tone. “We all make mistakes hyung, but the difference between assholes and the others is that the others don’t try to run away from what they did, and try to fix things instead of just sitting there being sorry about what they’ve done”

 

Sungjong was right, and Howon knew it; as Dongwoo told him before, he had to make a choice, and he had to make it now.

 

****

 

 

The coffee shop was almost empty at this hour, the manager wasn’t here that evening, and Woohyun and Sungyeol were behind the bar but they barely had anything to do. They both lifted their head up to the sound of the little bell ringing when the door opened, ready to get back to work.

 

“Hey” greeted Myungsoo.

 

“Myungsoo, long time no see” Sungyeol bypassed the bar counter to hug his best friend. “Your boyfriend finally let you see me?”

 

“I didn’t tell him I was coming here” the boy sighed, he looked a bit different than usual. Woohyun noticed hickeys on his neck he tried to hide behind his huge black scarf. “There was something I wanted to talk about with Woohyun hyung actually”

 

“Something happened?” Woohyun asked wondering if Howon finally told his boyfriend about what happened between him and Sunggyu or not.

 

“I… I did it with him” Myungsoo breathed out as the two others frowned.

 

Woohyun raised an eyebrow, honestly surprised. He didn’t understand what Howon was trying to do, acting like this, he should have told Myungsoo what happened before doing it with him, it made him feel sad because this boy was so sincere, he didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

 

“You did what?” Sungyeol almost shouted as Woohyun rejoined them, indicating him to stay quiet because of customers. “I told you you should break up with him..”

 

“Yeollie you know, I really love him so much...” Myungsoo let out a long sigh again, looking completely down. “I don’t know what happened between you all, for real, I keep asking him if he’s alright, but he always find a way to escape the conversation”

 

“I so want to kill him” mumbled Sungyeol under his breath, not even listening to his best friend talking as Woohyun nudged him.

 

“Did you do it with him because of that?”

 

“Y-yeah well no… I wanted to...” Myungsoo blushed adorably, he looked so innocent sometimes he wanted to pinch him. “We didn’t do it just once and… but that’s not what I want to talk about. It’s because he had been acting weird lately, I can feel something is off about him… I thought he only was frustrated and that it was the problem but I started to think that he’s hiding something from me...”

 

The two others looked at each other briefly, Sungyeol grabbed his best friend’s arm and sat him at a table.

 

“I’ll make you a coffee” he announced as Woohyun sat with him, wondering what they were supposed to do in this situation. He wanted Howon to be the one to tell Myungsoo about his affair, because it would hurt the boy even more either; and if they had the slightest chance to stay together, he didn’t want to ruin it just to get whatever revenge.

 

“What makes you think like this?” Woohyun asked.

 

“You’re the closest to him you should know” the boy averted his gaze, playing with the rim of his scarf nervously. “That night, he was on the phone with Sunggyu when I woke up, and he left me because you were feeling sick, but is it really true? Because you fought badly that day and he’s avoiding not only you but the others as well… This can’t be something trivial”

 

“But you still did it with him?”

 

Myungsoo nodded, hiding his face in his hands.

 

“He looked so unhappy I wanted him to feel better, but it’s even worse now” the boy’s voice cracked, as if he was about to cry. “He looks so sad and he won’t talk to me.. Since you’re his best friend I thought you’d know how to make him talk... I want to know if I did something wrong...”

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, be confident” Woohyun patted his head this time, stroking his hair as Myungsoo lifted his head back up to look at him, his eyes full of tears.

 

“He told me the same thing”

 

Woohyun never was really close to Myungsoo, he was a quiet boy and rarely talked to anyone but Sungyeol or Howon when they were hanging out as a group, he also was very affectionate to the ones he liked, and a great listener; but he never noticed before, how unconfident he was about himself.

 

“I think Howon really likes you very much, and he’s scared because he’s as unconfident about himself as you are…” Woohyun loved Howon as his own brother, and as mad as he was at him, he knew how to bring the best out of him. “But don’t let him ruin you, because I really think he’s only going to ruin everything around him, including himself in the process”

 

“Why would he do that...?”

 

Sungyeol came back with a coffee for his best friend who thanked him, sipping on the drink with another sigh as Woohyun pursed his lips.

 

“He made a mistake, a very big mistake”

 

“Is that why you fought?” Myungsoo asked suddenly as Woohyun didn’t know what to answer because he didn’t want to lie, but he didn’t want to tell the truth either. He knew Howon too well to know that he was just running away from Myungsoo because he was too scared to fall in love with him; but he couldn’t let him steal Sunggyu from him for such a stupid reason.

 

Woohyun averted his gaze, he really wanted to tell Myungsoo.

 

“We all are having a hard time because of what he did” he finally replied, looking down at his hands he linked on his laps.

 

“It’s about Sunggyu hyung, right?” Myungsoo’s voice cracked a bit pronouncing the elder’s name, it was so obvious that he liked Howon that everyone, including Myungsoo, had guessed from the very start, and seeing how suspiciously close they had became lately, of course the pieces of the puzzle would soon come together. “When I saw them together when we were at Dongwoo’s street show… And you’re not dating anymore since that day you fought so I guessed…”

 

Woohyun smiled sadly, stubbornly staring at his hands, remembering how he strangled Howon with those.

 

“What happened between us didn’t mean anything”

 

”It just happened”

 

He kept thinking about Howon’s words, wondering why after two weeks nothing changed. The gnawing fear of losing both the guy he loved and his best friend was killing him, because he didn’t want to hate Howon, and he didn’t want to give up on Sunggyu before even trying.

 

“I feel bad for you too, now I know how hard it is to be the one who loves more” Myungsoo pronounced, his hand squeezing his drink, his voice trembling as if he was about to start crying. Woohyun reached for him to pat his forearm with a compassionate, yet sad smile. “I made my mind up from the start, but I never knew it would be so painful...”

 

“Hopefully, those two will come back to their senses”


	12. Chapter 12

That weekend, Woohyun had been dragged into a bar by Dongwoo and few other friends, he didn't understand at first that it all was a trap planned by his friend until he bumped into Sunggyu, and decided to jump on the occasion to have to talk with him.

 

The elder was about to pass him by, but Woohyun grabbed his arm to make him stay.

 

“Hyung, let’s have a drink”

 

They sat at the bar with several shots of vodka, Sunggyu avoiding to look at him in the eyes observing silently their surroundings. It took him several shots to gather all his courage, and cupped the elder’s face to make him look at him in the eyes.

 

“What are you…”

 

Woohyun leaned in but Sunggyu immediately pushed him away. He could only chuckle at how the elder rejected him, before moving to his ear to whisper into it.

 

“I guess Howon fucked you so good you won’t leave me a chance in the end” He felt Sunggyu stiffening at his crude words.

 

“You’re drunk Woohyun”

 

“Not at all” Woohyun giggled, shaking his head and poking Sunggyu’s chest several times with a little grin. “I just want an answer. I need to know what’s really happening between you two”

 

“You really want to talk about this now?” the elder pronounced after pushing the other away a bit abruptly. He released a long sigh, ordering another drink but Woohyun wasn’t going to let him go with it so easily. Nothing really happened between Sunggyu and him, and he knew he just let himself drown into those feelings without any second thought, but now he needed to know if it was worth the pain. He had known from the very start that Sunggyu liked Howon, yet he didn’t want to give up, but seeing how Sunggyu reacted now, he understood that even if he had taken his time and got closer to the elder step by step, it wouldn't have changed the fact that it was Howon whom he was in love with.

 

It was so frustrating, because he didn’t want to hate his friend, but right now he despised him and the way he used others’ feelings for his own convenience. He couldn't believe he had done something like this just because he wanted to have sex, it couldn't be just a meaningless whim, because he knew Howon the best and he was selfish at times maybe, but he always had been a loyal and thoughtful friend to him until that day. He kept telling himself that he didn't see it coming, but he just didn't want to admit it, and that night when they went out the three of them and his friends disappeared at some point he had felt that something had happened. The way he looked at Myungoo couldn't be a lie, he really liked him; but the way he looked at Sunggyu was different and he never saw this look in his eyes before so he had decided to ignore it.

 

“I know Howon better than even himself does, and I've been going back and forth the whole situation I still can't believe he could have done something so meaningless” Woohyun sighed. "He looks quite stern but he's quite a passionate and nice guy in fact"

 

“That’s his charm, I guess” Sunggyu frowned emptying his drink in one shot.

 

“Yeah.. You can’t help falling for him when he shows a bit of his soft side” Woohyun smirked, watching the elder folding his arm against his chest, now clearly feeling uneasy.

 

“We don't get to choose who we fall for anyway” Sunggyu replied dryly, he seemed really annoyed and somehow it made a weird feeling of satisfaction swell inside of Woohyun’s chest seeing him so flustered at the simple mention of Howon.

 

“You must really like that jerk”

 

Sunggyu didn’t reply right away and dragged him outside of the bar to bring him to a deserted smoking area.

 

“You have all the rights to be mad at me but aren’t you being mean talking about Howon to me like this?” the elder sitting down on a bench.

 

“You fucked my best friend and I’m the one being mean?”

 

Woohyun couldn’t help to laugh at how ironic the situation was. Seeing him reacting this way, he started to think that Sunggyu’s feelings for Howon had to be way deeper that what he once thought.

 

“I really thought I could grow to like you and I’m so sorry” Sunggyu sighed, closing his eyes with a regretful expression. “But even when I’m with you I’m thinking about how much I want to be with him”

 

“So you’re rejecting me again?” Woohyun asked, failing at containing another ironic chuckle.

 

“I should have told you right away, it wasn’t fair to let you wait for nothing, I don’t know how to apologize properly about this” Sunggyu pressed his lips together, and grabbed Woohyun’s hand. “I didn’t know myself that I was going to feel this way”

 

“That night when we kissed in the club’s bathroom, for a moment I really thought it could work between us” Woohyun whispered, looking down to Sunggyu’s fingers intertwined with his on his laps. “I already knew that something happened between you two, and I thought I could overcome that but it was all wishful thinking, I guess”

 

“I really wanted to make it work with you too... but when you kissed me, all I was thinking about was that I wanted to see him so bad I almost felt glad you passed out so I had a reason to call him...” Sunggyu confessed, looking at him in the eyes without flinching a slight bit. “He was with Myungsoo and yet he came for me, even if he kept saying that it didn’t matter to him, I kept wondering why it felt so right…”

 

“I really was ready to give up on Howon’s friendship to be with you… “ Woohyun breathed out as the elder squeezed his hand with a sad smile. He knew that giving up was the best thing to do. “I think you should call him”

 

“Do you think?”

 

Woohyun let go of Sunggyu’s hand.

 

“Yes. Call him. I’m sure he wants to talk it out with you but he feels too bad about Myungsoo to call you first” Woohyun couldn’t believe he was saying this, but he knew the situation couldn’t stay like this way forever and Howon was the only one who could end this.

 

“You’re so mature Woohyun” Sunggyu praised him. “Howon’s friendship must really mean a lot to you”

 

“We all fall for that jerk in the end” he chuckled to himself, knowing that his pride was still to hurt to be ready to forgive his him, for the time being, he wanted to see how things would evolve.

 

 

*******

 

 

Howon was playing on his laptop, it was almost lunch time and Myungsoo was at his part-time job at the convenience store when he got a call. He felt his insides churning as he took his phone to see that it was from Sunggyu, and picked up right away.

 

“Hi” the elder pronounced awkwardly.

 

“Hi” he finally answered after a short silence, he didn’t know why he felt so nervous to talk to him at this moment.

 

“Have you eaten?” Sunggyu asked. He wondered why the elder called him so suddenly, and why he felt so pleasantly surprised about this. “If you haven’t… Could we eat lunch and have a talk?”

 

“Are we really gonna talk?” Howon asked back in a joking tone to get rid of his awkwardness.

 

“I don’t mind if you want to do more” the elder replied with a clear laugh that made his heart skip a beat. “But let’s eat first”

 

Howon couldn’t contain a chuckle but soon sucked in a long breath because Sunggyu made the first step by asking him out, now he had to make the second and do things properly. He didn’t know why, he had spent weeks waiting for the right moment to do something about this situation without being able to find the courage to do so, but at the second he saw Sunggyu’s call he had known; now was the time he had to wake up, and find out what those feelings he had for the elder were.

 

Howon cleared his throat nervously.

 

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you” he said, not sure he would be able to say it once he’d face the other, but he wanted to be honest both with Sunggyu and himself for once. “I’m glad you called”

 

Sunggyu giggled on the other end of the phone. He sounded so glad to hear those simple words, it reminded Howon of how happy Myungsoo looked when he told him that spending more time with him was important and, as sincere as he had been on that day, he wondered if he would, now, be able to say the same thing truthfully.

 

**

 

Howon had suggered a restaurant on a different neighbourhood to be sure not to bump into any of their friends.

 

Sunggyu was already waiting for him, sitting at a table when he got there, and waved at him from afar. He tilted his head when Howon walked closer to sit with him, checking the other out with a little grin.

 

“You look good with your hair like this”

 

“Thanks” Howon still felt slightly awkward, but it was still better than over the phone.

 

Sunggyu looked especially handsome that day, but he kept himself from saying anything about it because he didn’t want to lose focus so soon.

 

“So.. You wanted to talk to me?” Sunggyu declared suddenly, he looked confident but the way he played nervously with his fingers was telling otherwise. Howon felt a bit glad that he wasn’t the only one being nervous about meeting suddenly like this.

 

“Indeed”

 

Sunggyu didn’t say anything, adjusting his position waiting for Howon to keep talking as the latter was trying to put his thoughts into words.

 

Unexplainable feelings or not, what they had done was wrong and he felt guilty for betraying both Myungsoo and Woohyun. But he knew Sunggyu must have felt miserable too, and he needed to know if those thoughts he had of the elder were just out of compassion, or if he genuinely started to feel something more for him. He always had thought Sunggyu was cute, even before they started hanging out together, every time he had talked to him, he always had liked his smile, his charming and witty way to talk and, to be honest, that habit he had to stroke people’s hair when he was drunk was the reason he had gone crazy and dragged him into the bathroom of that club on the first night they spent together. 

 

“For a while, I really thought you would end up with Woohyun but...” Howon paused, he didn’t know how to convey his thoughts at this moment, he himself wasn’t able to understand his own feelings. “To be clear, I’m not trying to reproach you anything but… I kept asking myself... Why did you call me that night? And why did I come?”

 

“Didn’t you just want to fuck?” Sunggyu asked with a strange smile, looking away for a moment.

 

Howon wanted to reply, but his answer got stuck in his throat.

 

It would be a lie to say that he didn’t think about that. Of course he had that in mind when he went, but even if nothing had happened between them that night it would have been okay with him. He had no reason to feel frustrated anymore, Myungsoo was so perfect, so cute and so in love with him, and yet it was always Sunggyu that popped up in his mind, so he needed to understand why.

 

“I really didn’t think you would come that night, but I wanted to hear your voice at least” Sunggyu chuckled, resting his chin on the palm of his hand. “It’s hard to explain… I always had felt attracted to you but that first night we spent together made everything worse, it just felt way too good”

 

“It was not only the sex” he added in a lower voice, his hand quivering slightly as he grabbed his glass of water the waiter put in front of them to drink it in one shot. “It’s just feels good to be with you, even just like this”

 

Howon was moved by the depth of Sunggyu’s feelings for him.

 

“Just, please don’t ask me to reconsider my feelings for Woohyun because…”

 

“I’m not a complete asshole you know...” Howon interrupted him.

 

“I know, but it would be easier for you that way…. But you know, even if nothing would have happened between us that night, I think I would have rejected Woohyun anyway. Because when he kissed me, I could only think about you, even when we went to the movies together the other day I wished I could be there with you instead...” Sunggyu shook his head, chuckling sadly at Howon who felt bad for Woohyun hearing this confession, but he couldn’t do anything but watch the elder's lips moving as he talked, remembering all the times he couldn't stop thinking about Sunggyu when he was with Myungsoo.

 

“Hyung… I don't think I'm in love with Myungsoo”

 

“Why are you telling this to me suddenly?” Sunggyu laughed, pouring some water for them. “If you really were in love you wouldn’t have cheated anyway”

 

Howon snorted.

 

“Are you just going to talk about Myungsoo again?”

 

Sunggyu pouted as Howon didn’t reply anything and called the waiter to order food. A long silence installed between them and Howon didn’t know how to break it, and how to bring up the subject he wanted to talk about with the elder in the first place.

 

The food soon arrived and they watched the meat cooking in an awful and awkward silence. Finally, the waiter went away and Howon decided that he should say what he had planned to.

 

“I had sex with Myungsoo...” Howon pronounced suddenly as the other froze for a short while, before eating again normally.

 

“Oh really?” Sunggyu he looked a bit hurt but tried to act cool about it as Howon nodded. “I bet you were soft with him I'm envious...”

 

“Hyung… let me finish” Howon sighed, he knew the elder would get hurt hearing this, but he didn’t know how else he could express what he wanted to convey at this moment.

 

“But you’re so sexy when you’re being rough too” Sunggyu ignored him and continued, rubbing his neck, touching the fading scar Howon left on him that had almost disappeared. “You have so little respect for others when it comes to your own pleasure”

 

Sunggyu really knew how to play, Howon was already turned on by these mere words. Fortunately, the elder didn’t know how effective his dirty talk was on him, just like the elder said, he always had felt this attraction between them as well, and every time they interacted he tried to ignore its existence, but he couldn't deny it anymore, ever since the first time they had sex, he had been trying to erase those memories, but he just couldn’t forget his gaze, his warmth, his kisses, his voice, and particularly that smile that made his heart go crazy without fail.

 

Howon made up his mind.

 

“I like doing in with him and he’s unexpectedly good at it for a beginner but…” even if he was still scared it was just a fling, nobody knew what was the right choice to make. So he decided to trust his feelings for once, despite all the affection he had for Myungsoo, he chose to bet on Sunggyu. “Every time I make love to him, I'm thinking about you.”


	13. Chapter 13

Howon met Sunggyu again the next day, and the day after that, he came back home late at night but Myungsoo was still out and wouldn’t answer his texts, only to come back when Howon was already sleeping. Now that he made up his mind, he wanted to talk to him as soon as possible. He didn’t do anything else with Sunggyu than chat, and hold his hand, he kept himself from even kissing him because he wanted to do things properly from this point, even if it wouldn’t erase what already happened between them.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

That night, he came back home after meeting Sunggyu again, a bit later than the past few days, thinking that his boyfriend would still be avoiding him, but this time, he was home.

 

“Where were you at this hour?” Myungsoo asked as Howon removed his coat, throwing it on the back of a chair before going to sit beside him on the couch.

 

“I was with Sunggyu hyung”

 

Myungsoo frowned, he looked the same as usual but Howon knew that it wasn’t the case.

 

“And you? Where have you been for the past three days?” Howon asked, not wanting to sound like he was being intrusive, but it was the first time Myungsoo acted this way around him, and he knew it meant that the boy guessed, or at least felt that something was happening, and he really thought it was time to stop pretending and be honest with each other.

 

“I was at the coffee shop”

 

“Again? But Sungyeol isn’t even working today” Howon was wondering why his boyfriend kept going there lately; he spent his time making up excuses to Myungsoo to keep him away from the others but in the end he kept going to see them. But he couldn’t keep him from seeing Sungyeol, he was his best friend after all, and he had no right to control him anyway.

 

“I was with Woohyun actually” Myungsoo pronounced as Howon didn't know what to answer. “It’s so weird that he’s your best friend but we never really chatted together before”

 

“Everyday?”

 

“We had a lot to talk about” Myungsoo said all this with a smile, but Howon felt a cold shiver running through him. He could feel it: now was the time he had to confess.

 

“I think we have to talk as well…”

 

“I think so too...” Myungsoo sighed.

 

Howon could see that he wasn’t as calm as he pretended to be, and somehow it made him nervous.

 

“Before you say anything, I want to tell you… I really tried to hold it in because I really thought you were the one and we could be happy together...” the boy started speaking, glancing away as Howon felt sorry to hear this. “Sungyeol told me already in the past that I shouldn’t trust you, and I didn’t want to believe him. So I forgave you, all the times you pretended you had plans, all the times you got drunk with other guys, especially with him, and all the times you were actually avoiding me… I forgave it all”

 

“Listen... I can explain...”

 

“I don’t want to listen to your excuses again” his voice was growing louder as he was losing his cool. “I really thought you wanted to be with me”

 

“I wanted to be with you, it’s not the problem...”

 

“Tell me then, tell me what it is” Myungsoo shouted bluntly, banging his fist against the back of the couch as Howon glanced at him nervously, he never saw him this mad before. “Sometimes you’re so cold, but some other times you were so nice to me and I started to think, I wanted to think, that maybe you were feeling the way I do… I told I loved you and I thought you would say it back... I tried to convince myself that I was satisfied with only your half-assed answer, then you left me in the middle of the night to see him… And it’s okay, I can forgive that too. Even if you hurt me, even if you make me cry… You just have to say that you want to stay with me… and I will forgive it all”

 

He could say that he regretted what happened with Sunggyu, and it wouldn’t have been a complete lie, but Myungsoo’s feelings for him were so pure and honest, he couldn’t answer them the way he deserved.

 

He liked him so much, but just not this way, not enough.

 

“I just can’t fall in love with you” Howon muttered in answer as Myungsoo looked at him, his eyes watering, and his lips gaping open.

 

“What did I do wrong?” Myungsoo asked.

 

Hearing this in his boyfriend’s mouth made his heart sink. It wasn’t him. Myungsoo was perfect: his face, his body, his personality, even in bed, everything was perfect and yet, it was Sunggyu he kept thinking about.

 

“You were perfect, I promise. You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re cute and funny and I enjoyed every moment I spent with you I swear... I just… can’t”

 

“Did you always felt this way or is it because of Sunggyu?” Myungsoo’s voice cracked as Howon froze at the question because he understood the boy knew everything already, but he needed to put it into words and make it real.

 

He had tried to erase those things the elder made him feel, but every time he made love to Myungsoo, it kept coming back to him. He knew he had to tell him, he knew it was going to break his heart, and he hated to make such a beautiful person cry, but if he lied again, he would keep hurting him more.

 

“I slept with him, not just once, and I just... grew to like him” Howon felt so weird saying this. Yes, he liked Sunggyu. Admitting it made him feel so much lighter, yet he still felt so guilty. He averted his gaze as Myungsoo leaned away, staring at him in disbelief, big tears escaping his eyes to roll on his cheeks as he blinked few times. He thought he’d feel better once he would have told the boy about it but seeing how hurt he looked, he felt even worse than he could have imagined.

 

“I didn’t think it would hurt so fucking much to hear you say it” Myungsoo pronounced, punching his own chest with all his might, repeatedly, his voice turning into a sob. His shoulders were shaking slightly as he angrily wiped the tears off his face with his free hand, and finally stopped as Howon held his arms to keep him from hurting himself again.

 

He felt so bad seeing him like this.

 

“Myungsoo...” Howon replied as the boy threw his arms around him, and rested his forehead against his shoulder, still sobbing. “Let’s end it...”

 

“You just shut up” the boy hugged him forcefully, still sobbing against his neck. “Don’t say that, I don’t want to….”

 

“Myungsoo…”

 

Howon was trying to think of something to say to calm him down, but before he could say anything Myungsoo had leaned away slightly, his eyes still full of tears, and cupped his head to kiss him.

 

“You said you would make me feel really really good” Myungsoo breathed out, bringing their lips together again as Howon knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. He wanted to end it neatly so he wouldn’t suffer anymore uselessly, but as he tasted his tears in their kiss, he just wanted to make him stop crying at this moment.

 

“Wait...” Howon stopped him after a while, feeling that their kiss was growing a bit too heated and he was scared things would get out of control.

 

He knew his choice was made already, and it didn’t feel right anymore to kiss him this way. Of course, he still felt attracted to him, but he thought that it was ironic how he was feeling like he was cheating on Sunggyu at this moment.

 

“We should end this before I hurt you even more”

 

Myungsoo looked at him in the eyes before leaning away to get up suddenly.

 

“I don’t want to break up like this...” he pronounced, clenching his fist, standing between the couch and the coffee table without moving, like frozen. Howon didn’t know what to do either. “If you leave tonight you’re going to sleep with him and just thinking about it makes me sick”

 

“...”

 

Myungsoo started crying again and Howon got up to hug him.

 

“I knew it since that time at Dongwoo's dance show… The way you looked at each others...” he pronounced in a strangled voice, pushing the other away. His eyes were tightly closed, he snorted, his lips still trembling as he held in his tears for a moment before breaking down once again.

 

Howon thought that he couldn’t possibly leave him alone in this state and decided to call Sungjong who was sleeping over at his girlfriend’s for the night. He explained the situation to him quickly, and texted Sunggyu while waiting for the younger to arrive.

 

Sungjong finally arrived forty minutes later and Myungsoo didn’t even move or say anything as Howon packed his things and went away.

 

 

*********

 

 

Woohyun was working at the coffee shop that day.

 

It was a very calm day, a group of the usual regular girls customers were chatting in a corner of the room, and the manager was resting in the back room. He was playing on his phone sitting behind the counter as he heard the door opening and immediately sat up to greet the customer.

 

At his greatest surprise, it was Myungsoo.

 

“Sungyeol isn’t here” he pronounced immediately, genuinely wondering what he was doing here as the other chuckled cutely.

 

“I know” he replied. “Can I have a iced americano please?”

 

Woohyun nodded, taking his card to cash him out.

 

“Do you mind if I stay here for a while? I wanted to talk to you again” Myungsoo asked hesitantly.

 

He was so precious Woohyun didn’t understand how Howon could have treated him like this, Myungsoo was everything someone could ask for. If he had a boyfriend like him, he would treasure him for sure. Every time he was around, he couldn’t help but have that weird compelling need to protect him. Myungsoo was a grown up, thought, he was nothing close to weak or innocent, but the way he turned shy around people, and even flustered sometimes, couldn’t leave anyone indifferent.

 

It really hit him while they chatted. Usually Myungsoo was quiet, sometimes joking around when he felt comfortable enough, but he would usually never instigate a discussion himself; even though he would always gladly talk to anyone starting a conversation with him. Anyone would think that someone as handsome as him would be overconfident, but on the contrary he seemed to doubt himself even more because of his good looks. But to Woohyun, his face, or even his figure, wasn’t his real charm. The same way Sunggyu had this charming smile, and this laid-back and cool personality that made him overly attractive, Myungsoo had his own thing, adding to his looks; he was genuine and selfless. And he guessed that what someone as twisted and selfish as Howon had liked in him.

 

“Of course” Woohyun smiled, preparing his coffee and went to sit with Myungsoo. “Do you want to complain about your boyfriend again?”

 

“I think he’s with Sunggyu right now”

 

Woohyun felt his stomach dropping, since his chat with Sunggyu he had decided to get over him definitely, but Howon and him seemed to meet all the time and he still couldn't get used to the idea.

 

“Did he talk to you yet?” he asked, giving Myungsoo his coffee as the boy frowned slightly.

 

Woohyun wanted to reassure him, but he knew it wasn’t going to be okay for him whether Howon decided to stay with him or not, and he couldn’t really help him but at least he would hear him out and give him advice. He felt a bit bad sending Sunggyu to Howon, but he knew this was for the best because those two seemed unable to stay away from each other.

 

“He broke up with me, actually” Myungsoo admitted with a long sigh, sipping on his coffee. “I thought he was starting to feel the same way I do, but now I know I’m not the one he has those feelings for…”

 

“Are you okay?” Woohyun asked him, petting his hair as the boy smiled shyly, nodding.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Myungsoo tightened his grip on his coffee as the plastic cup cracked slightly as Woohyun nodded, reaching for the younger’s arm but ended up holding his hand instead. “Is it bad if I still want to do it with him?”

 

Woohyun rubbed his hand with his thumb, pressing his lips together. Howon was so cruel. He made both Myungsoo’s heart and body long for him, yet he still chose Sunggyu over that.

 

“Of course it’s okay, he had been your boyfriend until now. But it wouldn’t be okay to do it with him again, thought”

 

Myungsoo’s hand was shaking slightly, but he squeezed Woohyun’s hand in his as if he was gathering his courage not to start crying. He opened his mouth to reply, his eyes full of tears, but couldn’t only shake his head in answer with a little sob.

 

“Are you okay with it? It seems that he will start dating Sunggyu now...”

 

Woohyun didn’t know what to say, he guessed that something more than just sex was happening between those two but he would never have imagined that Howon would actually fall for Sunggyu despite everything.

 

“He made my body feel this much only to toss me away...” Myungsoo finally added, looking so miserable that Woohyun had a hard time keeping himself from hugging him at this moment. “I shouldn’t have confessed to him, all this wouldn’t have happened”

 

“Don’t say that…” he didn’t know what to say because although none of his past relationships ever worked out, he never fell in love the way Myungsoo had with Howon, but he still could relate to him a bit and knew that he needed someone to lean on at this moment. "I still think that Howon really liked you, it just happened that he is not the right one for you..."

 

“I really thought he was...” Myungsoo continued. “Thank you for listening to me hyung...”

 

“Just call me Woohyun..." he smiled. "I know you must feel betrayed and hopeless right now… Just so you know, you can come to talk to me. Whenever. Even if you just want to chat about random things, don’t hesitate”

 

Myungsoo nodded, he looked a bit happy to hear that.

 

“Woohyun..." he pronounced shyly, playing with the latter’s fingers. "That must be why I wanted to talk to you first, you always have the right words”

 

It made Woohyun’s heart flutter a bit.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I didn't post in a while I'm sorry >< I'll try to post the next chapter very soon~ I hope you'll enjoy it :)
> 
> As ever, thanks for reading and supporting my story and for your nice comments as well, it makes me really happy!!! 

“Are they holding hands?” Woohyun heard one of the girls who were chatting in a corner ask quite loudly to her friend as Myungsoo released his hand quickly, mouthing a sorry as Woohyun could only sigh in frustration. Those girls were becoming more and more daring these days. “Maybe the things we heard about Woohyunnie were true after all”

“Haha does he really like boys? I’d be disappointed”

The girls laughed as Myungsoo glared at them.

“So rude”

Woohyun smiled sadly.

“We should meet somewhere else to talk about this if you don’t mind...” he pronounced as Myungsoo nodded, it would be bad if the manager heard about those rumors. Woohyun wanted to keep his private life private, and he also didn’t want to lose this job, especially because of those girls. He liked the attention at first, and the manager didn’t mind because it was bringing more people to their shop, but lately they were crossing the line.

“I understand… Are you free tomorrow after work?” Myungsoo asked. “I finish early so I can meet you here at the end of your shift”

“Okay, let’s do that” Woohyun smiled, it was comfortable to speak with him, somehow it reminded him of how he and Howon became friend back then, and he wanted to become closer with Myungsoo,and to help him. He couldn’t help but feel a bit responsible for indirectly helping Sunggyu and Howon getting together, but if it was how things were to be, he wanted at least to do his best to treat Myungsoo well.

 

~~

 

“Are you really breaking up because of Sunggyu?” Sungjong asked Howon as the latter was packing his stuff. “I thought you were just having doubts but…”

“It’s not only that… Just… How can I stay with him? I can’t keep cheating on him and hurting him like this...” Howon sighed. “We both know that he deserves better than that, Sungjong. Also, the way I feel for Sunggyu is just.. something that isn’t rational”

The younger scoffed at him, glancing at Myungsoo who was curled up on the couch.

“I guess you can’t help it if you fell in love hyung”

Howon paused at those words. Was it love? He wasn’t too sure about those feelings, but he knew he wanted to be with Sunggyu, even at this moment he couldn’t wait to meet him and to see the way he would smile when he would tell him that he broke up with Myungsoo. He wondered if that was what falling in love was. He felt guilty that he couldn’t be the right person for Myungsoo, and he hoped he would find someone who would appreciate him as he is, and Howon knew that he dated quite a few girls before, and that he wouldn’t have any problem finding someone else, whether it was a boy or a girl.

He just wished that he could become a bit more confident.

Sungjong sighed, still standing at Myungsoo’s room entrance, watching Howon who kept packing without saying anything.

“Take care of him…” Howon whispered, grabbing his bag and laptop, ready to go.

“I will”

He put his stuff in the entrance before going to Myungsoo who was still on the couch to say goodbye, the boy lifted his head to look at him, his pretty eyes were red and puffy from crying. This sight made him feel bad, but it was for the best.

“I’m going”

Myungsoo nodded, tears filling his eyes once again.

“I know you will find someone who will treasure and deserve you more than me” Howon tried to comfort him but the boy started crying again. “I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I’ve done but still… I’m really sorry”

“It’s okay…” he grabbed his wrist. “If you’re not the right one then someone else must be”

Howon smiled at him sadly.

“You do know I really care about you, right?” he patted his head gently. “I really hope you find your special someone soon as well”

Myungsoo chuckled, looking away for a moment because locking his eyes on Howon once again.

“I will find him for sure”

 

***

 

Howon convinced Sunggyu to let him stay over at his place for the night, he didn’t tell him that he broke up with Myungsoo because he wanted to tell him face to face. He couldn’t wait to be alone with him and tell him, he had wanted to do this for days but he couldn’t talk with Myungsoo before that night and holding in his urge to hug or kiss him was torture.

Sunggyu was waiting in front of his apartment building, smiling widely when the other got off the taxi.

“You really came..”

Howon only nodded in answer, smiling back at him.

“If we keep meeting like this I might not let you go” Sunggyu pronounced, the corner of his lips still raised into an unconscious grin. “I’m just kidding… It’s okay if you want to stay with Myungsoo, you know… I won’t make you do anything you don’t want...”

Howon only smiled, he knew Sunggyu was lying at this moment because his eyes were telling otherwise.

The elder lived in a apartment building with his parents and his older sister. Only his mother was there, and welcomed him.

“This is quite unusual to have someone over I’m sorry we already ate dinner, I could make you something to eat if you want...” Sunggyu’s mother took his coat to hang it on in the entry’s closet, and sat him on a chair in the kitchen as the elder was boiling water.

“It’s okay I ate dinner a while ago” Howon bowed slightly.

“You’re such a handsome boy, are you our Sunggyu’s classmate?”

“I’m actually a junior…”

“Mom don’t bother him with all those questions”

Howon smiled, he enjoyed a bit too much this embarrassed smile on the elder’s face.

“I don’t mind really”

They chatted for a while around a cup of tea, and looked around the house. Howon understood that Sunggyu’s sister wasn’t there that night and smiled to himself because his parents had their room on the other side of the apartment so he could play around without them hearing it. Sunggyu’s father came back from work, and they chatted for a bit in the kitchen before he went to wash up and sleep first.

“It’s so rare for him to bring someone over… Are you just a friend or…?” his mom asked as Sunggyu choked on his cup of tea, Howon wasn’t sure about what he should reply and glanced at the elder who looked away with another embarrassed smile.

“Mom… It’s not like that”

A silence installed for a little while as Howon finished the tea left in his cup.

“I’m going to shower first” Sunggyu pronounced after a short silence, and escaped to the bathroom.

His mom chuckled and turned to Howon again with a smile.

“You don’t have to say anything, I can tell from the way you look at each other anyway” she winked, and gave him more tea and snacks. “Is it serious between you two? I’m sorry to ask all those questions but he doesn’t talk about himself much so I’m surprised he actually brought someone home, he must really like you very much…”

Howon smiled.

“Actually we’re not really together yet” he replied. “But I’m serious about him”

“I’m glad to hear that” she grabbed his hand, she seemed to be someone who cared a lot about her son and somehow it made him smile. Although it felt weird to chat with Sunggyu’s mother whom he barely knew about those things, he didn’t dislike it, he wished it was something he could chat freely about with his own parents.

“You seem like a good person”

Howon didn’t know if he could accept the compliment after all the selfish and cruel things he had done lately, but he didn’t say anything and bowed his head slightly with a polite smile. 

Sunggyu came out of the bathroom around the same moment and his mother announced she was going to bed, the two boys cleaned up the kitchen before they moved to Sunggyu’s room.

They were finally alone.

Howon chuckled at Sunggyu’s surprised expression when he cupped his face gently to peck his lips. He smelled like shampoo and his hair were still wet, he lowered his hand on his body to slide his hands under his shirt stroking the soft skin of his back, planting his lips once again against his more and more urgently. Howon pushed his tongue inside of his mouth as he felt the elder’s arms wrapping around him.

“Let’s not go farther than this today” Sunggyu breathed out against his lips. “I don’t want you to feel bad about Myungsoo again…”

Howon couldn’t help but grin a little, breaking the kiss but Sunggyu still held him close. He kissed him again and again, feeling his hand pressing on his nape as he grabbed his hips, knowing that the elder was as turned on as he was, feeling him moving lasciviously under his hand.

Sunggyu bit away a moan as Howon brushed his lips against his neck, his hands sliding under his clothes as the elder tensed slightly at the feeling, releasing a cute little gasp. He leaned away for a moment, letting Howon remove his shirt before he removed his as well. He wrapped his arms around him again, and Howon thought that it felt even more breathtaking than it usually did when they kissed, maybe because he kept himself from doing so those past few days, but he didn’t recall feeling this attracted to someone in the past. 

“I wonder how far ‘this’ can get before I regret” Howon breathed out, knowing already that he wasn’t going to stop.


	15. Chapter 15

They sat on the bed, and he pulled the elder’s hair gently to expose his neck, kissing his cheek first, moving slowly, deposing trails of kisses on his way and suckling on the skin, feeling the elder’s arms twitching a bit as he clung to his shoulders with a little breathy moan.

“I love this so much”

Howon felt his heart skipping few beats when he heard Sunggyu say that. 

The elder was quivering, trying to keep his voice down, arching against him as the other’s hand stroked his back, tracing their way along his sides, down to his thighs he massaged through the material of the sweatpants he was wearing. Sunggyu moaned again a bit harder, he couldn’t breathe properly anymore, the other could feel him getting hard and couldn’t hold in a grin.

Finally, Howon lengthened him on the bed, pecking his lips gently. Sunggyu hissed as he rolled up his shirt to tease his nipples, suckling and nibbling on the skin and he lowered again and again leaving marks everywhere on his stomach. The elder kept arching his back more and more as Howon lowered, his breathing turning shallow as he opened his pants. Sunggyu gasped in a tight breath, his fists closing around the sheets as Howon rubbed his thumb against his bulge.

“Howon…” 

When Sunggyu called his name with such a voice, it made him feel things he couldn’t understand. He pulled down both his pants and underwears to his ankles, removing them completely. The elder licked his bottom lip, staring at him intensely as he wrapped his fingers around the base of his cock, and directly took the tip in his mouth.

He bobbed his head slowly, sucking up on it, scoffing at the other who kept letting out little strangled noises.

Howon pushed on his already spread thighs, releasing the rock hard member after going back and forth a few times. Sunggyu was biting on his finger, watching as hypnotised the other devouring his skin, leaving red spots everywhere, his hands stroking him without any rest. 

“Take it in again” Sunggyu begged as Howon obeyed directly.

He took him deeper this time, sucking properly. He felt a little stream of drool running on his chin from the corner of his mouth as he bobbed his head harder, hollowing his cheeks to make him get off quickly, closing his eyes tightly to listen to his pants. It felt so satisfying to hear him moan this way, to feel him shuddering under his touch; even the taste of his skin left him wanting for more. 

Howon leaned away quickly, feeling that Sunggyu was about to come already as the latter was trying to catch his breath.

“You wanted to come, right?”

“N-not like this...” Sunggyu articulated as Howon deposed kisses on his stomach. “Please…”

“How do you want it?” Howon liked the way the elder smiled for him, the way his eyes always asked for more of him as his hand stroking his hair tenderly. “Should I keep going with my mouth?”

“But don’t let me come so soon...”

“It’s okay even if you do” Howon admitted as Sunggyu looked at him in the eyes, his lips parting slightly. “I can make you come again as much as you want”

The elder blushed.

Howon kept sucking him off, pressing his lips around his tip as his tongue traced his veins, it was so cute how he tried so hard not to moan too loudly. Sunggyu finally came inside of his mouth, crying out loud with an embarrassed chuckle.

The elder sat up, reaching for Howon’s pants to open them as well.

“Let me suck yours too” he asked, his hands quivering so hard that he had a hard time unzipping his pants.

Howon stopped him, and lied on the bed, motioning him to put himself on his all fours above him. letting out a long satisfied sigh as Howon grabbed his thighs, caressing their insides, kissing his back teasingly. 

“It feels good” he commented in a low voice as Sunggyu’s warm mouth closed around him.

Howon stroked the back of his thighs, smirking at the way he arched his back trying to keep his voice down. He spread his buttocks, blowing air on his entrance as the man let out a little grunt, Howon couldn’t help but tease him even more, pushing the tip of his tongue against his puckered entrance, licking it repeatedly as Sunggyu whimpered, clenching his fists around the sheets.

It was hard for him too not to get too loud, feeling Sunggyu’s mouth vibrating around him every time he moaned. Howon pushed his tongue a bit further as the elder released him for moment, blocking his mouth to conceal his sounds. The elder was a lot more relaxed than the first time they had sex, and he guessed that he must have been playing with it a lot to be this soft already out of rimming.

“You really drive me crazy” Howon pronounced, wetting his lips before flattering his tongue against him once again, stroking his cock that was already half-hard already as the man let out a long groan. Sunggyu kept sucking up without saying anything, whimpering loudly as Howon kept stroking him harder and harder, his tongue still probing his insides. 

The elder released him, holding in his moans as he kept jerking and bending more and more. Howon stroked his thigh gently, planting few kisses on his butt cheek as Sunggyu pressed his hand around him, Howon knew he was about to come once again.

“Let me put it in” Howon breathed out, wondering for a moment if it really was okay to do this with his family sleeping in the same apartment but it was too late to think about this already.

“There’s lube and condoms in my nightstand…” Sunggyu moved away to let Howon open the drawer, and the latter grabbed everything hastily.

Sunggyu lied on his back, he looked so horny as he stared at Howon’s cock as the latter removed his clothes completely to put a condom on, and poured lube on his palm to stroke his hard on, coating it with the sticky liquid thoughtfully.

He kissed Sunggyu’s lips as the elder placed his legs nonchalantly on each side of Howon’s pelvis, and throwing his arms around his neck to hold him closer as the latter was installing himself above him.

They both gasped when he pushed himself inside in one shot.

He started to thrust into him slowly without waiting for him to get used, knowing his hole was already loose enough from the foreplay. He enjoyed watching his flushed face with such a lustful expression on it, the way he didn’t even try to hold in his moans without caring whether someone would hear them or not. Sunggyu was stroking his face, sitting up against him to kiss his lips, holding him so tightly he couldn’t breathe properly. 

Howon couldn’t help but moan as his warm walls kept clenching around him when he fastened his pace, he had to contain himself not to come right away.

“I lied to you earlier, you know” Sunggyu managed to pronounce, between the heavy pants that escaped his mouth every time Howon moved in and out. “I don’t want you to stay with Myungsoo…”

“I know” Howon smiled at him, pecking his lips as Sunggyu cupped his face, rubbing his cheeks with his thumbs.

“I want you for myself”

Howon thought that usually when he was having sex with someone he wasn’t dating, he didn’t mind not going at it again, but when he was with Sunggyu he just couldn’t stop himself. Even the first time they did it, he could have went back home and forget all about it, but he stayed for the whole night instead. No matter how many time they did it, as long as his body would allow him, he’d give him his all. It wasn’t just about sex, thought. Even when he was with him he just could feel it, he liked him, he had no peculiar reason, he just did.

He thought about what Sungjong told him earlier. “I guess you can’t help it if you fell in love”. More he was thinking about this more he started thinking that he wanted to fall in love with Sunggyu if he didn’t already.

The elder tightened around him suddenly as Howon accidentally thrusted a bit harder, swapped by the wave of emotions inside of him and suddenly stopped because he was about to come at this moment.

“Don’t move” he whispered, pulling Sunggyu’s hair as the elder whimpered, sinking his fingers into Howon’s hips. “Sorry I’m about to..”

“Do you like it this much?” Sunggyu smiled so brightly at that moment Howon couldn’t stop himself from bringing their lips together, moaning slightly into the kiss.

Howon laughed a bit as their lips parted, he couldn’t believe how ridiculously good it felt whenever they touched. 

He felt a bit calmer after a while, and leaned away, pushing Sunggyu’s legs to his chest to enter him even deeper, thrusting all the way in until they skin clapped together, pulling in and out again and again as the elder was touching himself. Howon had to contain his orgasm again, feeling the other sucking him in. 

Sunggyu turned into a moaning mess, gasping for air, his arms letting go of the other, pulling the sheets desperately to keep a hold on himself. His insides were clenching so hard Howon couldn’t contain the pleasure any longer.

“I will...” announced Howon.

“Just a bit more” Sunggyu almost shouted, pecking Howon’s cheeks and lips tenderly, a warm feeling pooling inside of the latter’s chest every time he did.

Sunggyu jerked against him, gasping heavily.

“More” the elder begged again as Howon rocked his hips harder. He was almost at his limit, feeling droplets of sweat running on his face and back, Sunggyu’s fingers were sinking almost painfully between his ribs, his other hand busy stroking himself until he finally reached his climax. Howon came at the same moment, feeling his orgasm shooting through his cock, his muscles trembling, and his already heavy breathing turning into erratic pants.

They stayed like this for a moment, still out of breath.

Sunggyu told him they’d better take a shower before sleeping, and Howon just followed him unable to think about anything. They went back to bed after washing up, and lied next to each other under the blankets.

“Why are you staring like that since earlier?” Sunggyu asked in a murmur, finally breaking the silence as the other stroked his stomach under his shirt with a smile.

“You look beautiful” he said, laughing at how cutely Sunggyu tried to hide his blush.

“Stop it” the elder mumbled, still grabbing the other’s hand with an amused grin. Howon felt happy just watching his face at this moment, he wondered how Sunggyu would feel when he would tell him about Myungsoo. “What about your boyfriend?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend anymore” Howon pronounced as Sunggyu frowned a bit as if he couldn’t believe his words.

“You… what?”

“Well unless you’d let me date you instead” Howon bit his lips, examining Sunggyu’s expression.

“You broke up with Myunsoo?” Sunggyu cupped his hands on his chest as if he was trying to keep his heart from escaping it, his lips narrowing in the cutest smile Howon had ever seen from him. “But why?”

"It seems that..." Howon felt his own heart fluttering. "I fell in love with you"

"You what?" he asked once again, busting out laughing this time, probably in relief because Howon knew he would never have imagined that he would leave Myungsoo one day, but he really did. He had promised to do his best to make it work with Myungsoo, but he just knew that it wasn't going to work, and although he regretted what he has done because he hurt the people he cared the most about, he was glad things turned out this way in the end.

“I know it may be a bit early for us to date but I wanted you to know that... I'm serious”

“I love you” Sunggyu replied so sincerely Howon couldn't help but smile, feeling the elder's arm hugging him tightly.


	16. Chapter 16

Woohyun was going to eat lunch with Kibum that day. He shoved his phone and wallet into the back pocket of his trousers. As he was opening the door to leave, he heard a little gasp from below. He looked down and saw a girl crouching on the floor with a little package in her hands.

 

“What are you doing here?” Woohyun asked, a bit taken aback. He recognized her a the regular at the coffee shop; she was always following him around. Her name was Sohee. He had never even talked to her much outside of the café. He only vaguely remembered her from some classes they had in common. He had no idea how she had managed to get his address.

 

“I...I just...” she tried to reply. She was obviously embarrassed. She got up and pushed the container she was holding against Woohyun's chest and ran away without finishing her answer.

 

Woohyun stood there confused, before looking down at his hands. It actually was a lunch box. He couldn’t believe this girl had had the guts to follow him all the way to his apartment to bring him this, but that she ran away like this when he caught her.

 

He thought that she definitely would not come back after that. But he was wrong.

 

Almost everyday after that day, he would find packed lunches in front of his door, sometimes snacks and even little gifts. Of course he never ate any of them, or used any of the gifts, but it didn’t seem to be enough for her to give up. He wondered if he should say something but he had to admit that these kinds of girls somehow gave him the creeps. When she was alone, she seemed like an shy and innocent girl; but once she was with her friends her confidence seemed to rise.

 

At first, Woohyun noticed that she would often stare at him during classes. Then he started to bump into her little bit too often. And as he started working at the coffee shop she started to come regularly, alone or with a group of girls friends.

 

And it had felt good at first, to be treated like an idol, so he had played along with their little game. But now he regretted that he had let them come this far.

 

Sungyeol was also really popular, and just like Woohyun he didn’t mind the attention. But when he started to date a girl from that group, that changed. He got dumped barely a few weeks later, and they never saw her with the other girls ever again. The same thing happened with his next girlfriends, even though they had nothing to do with that group of regulars. Woohyun never really put too many thoughts into it. Sungyeol had a peculiar personality and the tendency to confess his feelings based on impulse, often getting himself, and sometimes others, into unwanted relationships.

 

So Woohyun started to feel slightly paranoid. Although he wouldn’t usually mind those gay rumors of him going around, but he didn't want his friends, and especially Myungsoo, to get involved.

 

He really didn’t know what he was supposed to do anymore.

 

~~

 

It was almost the end of his shift. Woohyun was waiting for Myungsoo, who usually picked him up after his shift so they could have dinner together. Lately they had been texting and seeing each other this way, even if Woohyun knew Myungsoo just wanted someone to talk to about Howon, he was strangely starting to feel excited every time he saw his face. Usually he would feel bad for wanting to be with his friend’s ex. That was something he meticulously kept himself from doing in the past, even if Howon wouldn’t have minded, but this time, he had no reason to care because he believed he could treat Myungsoo way better than Howon could ever have. That night behind the counter, the manager was also with him, waiting for Sungyeol to arrive for the closing shift.

 

Sohee was already there when he started his shift. She was sitting in a corner as usual, pretenting to study, but Woohyun could feel her stare at him when he wasn't looking.

 

As Woohyun left to remove his uniform in the changing room, two of her friends arrived. When he came back, they all waved at him, smiling. Woohyun liked how cute they were, even if he would never feel attracted to any of them. It saddened him to witness how scary they actually could be.

 

“Isn’t Woohyun’s hair different today? He looks so handsome” one of the newcoming girls commented loudly on purpose. Woohyun and the manager exchanged a glance.

 

“It would be nice if he did all this for me” Sohee replied, turning to Woohyun with a bright smile.

 

Woohyun let out a long breath, avoiding his manager’s glance. He knew he was only tolerating all of this because he thought Woohyun actually liked having those girls around. The two of them weren’t really that close so he couldn’t guess what he was really thinking.

Lately, he had started to feel irritated at them, so he had decided to ignore them as much as he could. He had enough to deal with on his own after all the things that happened with Howon and Sunggyu. Moreover, finals were around the corner as well, assignments were piling up, and he couldn’t focus at all. He wanted this semester to end already.

 

His manager dragged him to the back room.

 

“These girls… I never said anything about it until now but you obviously look uneasy right now” he asked with a hint of worry in his voice. Woohyun didn’t want to worry him because he knew the manager would just kick them out, but he feared that they would do anything to ruin his life out of spite, or worse, take it out on one of his friends. “They’re not your friends, right?”

 

“No. They’re not.”

 

The manager cocked an eyebrow.

 

“I heard them say things about you... They’re probably just trying to ruin your reputation since you’re ignoring them but just so you know…. They kept telling everyone that they saw you kissing a boy in a club”

 

Woohyun’s eyes widened. He suddenly remembered bumping into them the night he went out with Sunggyu but he had been way too drunk on that night to remember what exactly he had done.

 

“What if this is the truth?”

 

His manager, who was holding him by the shoulders, suddenly released him, surprised.

 

“Even if I liked girls it wouldn’t change anything. They've been bothering Sungyeol the same way, I even suspect them to be behind most of the breakups he has been through this year”

 

“Woohyun? Are you coming out to me right now?”

 

“I most likely am” he answered, thinking that it was the important thing to point out at that moment. “Sorry I never told you I like boys, it’s not that I’m hiding it either, but I never know how people will react and I like working here so...”

 

“Oh man, you should have said something. I thought you were dating that Sohee girl who’s always around” the manager laughed.

 

“Sohee? No way I’d ever date that creep, even if I was straight” Woohyun sincerely hoped she couldn’t hear this. “She even comes to my dorm to put lunch boxes and stuff in front of my door. I've never said anything about it because I really don’t know how to deal with this…”

 

“Gosh this is bad, she seems all cute when you see her like this”

 

“Yeah… I’m also scared people around will be involved…” Woohyun sighed.

 

“Do you mean.. the handsome guy who came to see you the other day? Is he your boyfriend?”

 

“I wish haha… No, he’s my best-friend’s ex actually” Woohyun smiled. The manager couldn’t help but laugh a little.

 

“Howon? Howon is gay too?” he started laughing out loud. “Not that I mind, but I just… can’t imagine.”

 

Woohyun smiled sadly, talking about Howon as his best-friend still hurt.

 

“Let’s go back before they start wondering if you escaped” the manager chuckled as they went back to the counter.

 

Myungsoo was already there waiting. He was playing with his fingers nervously while examining the pastries. Woohyun couldn't help but smile, and forget about the girls for a moment.

 

“Why isn't Sungyeol here yet? I thought he was working tonight.”

 

“Seems like he’s late… again” the manager replied rolling his eyes as Woohyun joined Myungsoo on the other side of the counter. “Anyway you should go. Good work today Woohyun”

 

“Thank you for today, see you on Monday!”

 

The shift was over. Finally he could escape. He grabbed Myungsoo’s sleeve and hurried him outside. They walked in silence for a moment.

 

“Woohyun, those girls at the coffee shop... are they your friends?” Myungsoo suddenly, said. 

 

Woohyun was surprised to hear him ask, and wondered if he had heard a part of his conversation with his manager. 

 

“They asked me if you really dated… Sunggyu hyung” Myungsoo went on.

 

His voice broke down a little when he pronounced his name.

 

“Just ignore them if they talk to you so that they leave us alone.”

 

Myungsoo grabbed his hand, and Woohyun turned to him his heart jumping inside of his chest. The boy was looking down at his feet, in an apparent bad mood.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Can we… have drinks tonight?”

 

They settled on pork belly with soju and beer, and mostly ate in silence. It took them several drinks to start the conversation. Myungsoo looked like he had something he wanted to say, but kept drinking and eating without saying anything. Woohyun knew he was shy so he didn’t force him to talk, and just waited.

 

“I think I saw Howon today. He was with.. that hyung”

 

Woohyun looked at him in surprise. He'd guessed that he was talking about Sunggyu. He hadn't seen them at university for a long time, but he hadn't wanted to as well. He didn’t even want to think about them, in fact.

 

“Myungsoo…”

 

“I think he really fucked me up. Even when I see him with someone else, I still want him…” Myungsoo emptied his drink once again, his cheeks already flushed. He was clearly planning on getting hammered drunk. “We weren’t even together for a long time, but I’m scared that nobody else will make me feel that way”

 

Woohyun was mad. Howon didn’t deserve Myungsoo’s affection.

 

“It’s going to be okay. There are plenty of fishes in the sea you know. You may feel this way right now, but eventually you’ll fall for someone else” Woohyun poured soju into their glasses once again. He felt like getting mad drunk too. “Hopefully someone who deserves you this time”

 

Myungsoogave him a smile, a bit shy.

 

“I hope you’re right”

 

A silence settled between them. Woohyun ordered more food, and waited for Myungsoo to voice out his thoughts.

 

“You know... I was scared to have sex with him at first because I didn’t know if he truly liked me. I knew he was being sincere when he told me that he wanted our relationship to work out, and I'd guess that, for him, sex is an important part of the process, but I couldn’t understand it... So I think we were incompatible from the very start. But it’s okay… I guess...” Myungsoo was abscent-mindedly staring at his empty glass, he looked quite drunk already, but more than that, he looked extremely sad. “How could he leave me after fucking me so good?”

 

Woohyun almost choked on his food at Myungsoo’s honest statement. He must be very drunk to have said this so suddenly, and he couldn’t help but let a giggle escape his mouth.

 

“It seems like that's his speciality”

 

Myungsoo glanced at him, his cheeks even more flushed than before.

 

“It would make things even more complicated if I called him, right? Besides it only worked for that hyung because Howon fell for his slutty ass anyway”

 

Woohyun kept himself from laughing this time. He'd never seen Myungsoo like this, and he couldn’t have never imagined the gap in his personality between his sober self - a cute kitten - and this. But he didn’t dislike it in the slightest, it was an unexpected twist to his personality that somehow made his heart go crazy.

 

“Slutty ass...” Woohyun smirked, echoing Myungsoo's words. He was pretty sure Sunggyu didn’t even like bottoming that much before Howon got him under his spell.

 

“Sorry, I can’t control my mouth when I’m drunk” Myungsoo seemed a bit embarrassed but Woohyun didn’t mind, he had enjoyed every moment of this evening with him. “I always wondered if you had sex with Howon in the past”

 

“Actually this is how we met”

 

It was Myungsoo’s turn to let a laugh escape.

 

“It’s an embarrassing story to tell actually” Woohyun didn’t recall having talked about this to anyone before, Sungyeol was the only one who vaguely knew what had happened between them that night. “He’s not even my type, but we were so drunk it was a big mess. Well, to be more accurate, he made a mess out of me.”

 

“Sounds like an interesting story” Myungsoo smiled, sipping on his drink.

 

“No really, if he wasn’t such a crazy asshole, I would have fallen for him too. He even made me cry, he really is someone else between the sheets” Woohyun fondly grinned at the memory. He had felt so embarrassed that day, but Howon had laughed it off. After getting to know Howon, he had understood that this was just how he liked his sex. His personality was nothing like it outside of bed. After that, he had moved into the dorm and they had gone on with a platonic friendship they both had treasured. At least he thought they did. Until now.

 

“Sometimes he's so sweet, but other times he's so intense. When I date girls, even with my shy personality, I'm not passive like I was with him. I don’t know why, with Howon I just couldn’t think straight.” They both laughed at his choice of word. “Seriously, I don’t know how to get him out of my mind”

 

“Maybe, when you’re ready, you could try meeting someone else? If you feel good with that person, you’ll eventually stop thinking about Howon”

 

“Isn’t that what I’ve been doing with you these days?” Myungsoo replied. "I know I still talk a lot about him, but I really enjoy being with you"

 

Woohyun was really happy to hear that. He loved how honest Myungsoo was. It actually even made him feel a bit excited, and although he didn’t know if it was a good idea, since they were drunk, he still wanted to see what Myungsoo was made of. So he decided to be blunt too.

 

“By saying you should meet someone, I also meant you should try having sex with them”

 

They were getting to a dangerous zone. Woohyun hated how easily he could be swept by a handsome face. And it somehow felt wrong to make a move on Myungsoo when he was this depressed. But he also really wanted to help him and take care of him. That, maybe was what they both needed in this moment.

 

Myungsoo didn’t reply for a while, so Woohyun changed the subject before the mood became too awkward.

 

Although they'd drank a lot, they weren’t as drunk as they'd planned to get. Woohyun didn’t feel like going home, but he didn’t know if Myungsoo felt the same way. Woohyun knew that he disliked clubs, and that his only plans for the night was to get drunk and go to sleep, so it was maybe better to just go home before he made a another move that would ruin whatever had started between them. As they got to the subway station, Myungsoo grabbed Woohyun's hand. The latter glanced at him surprised.

 

“You know.. Sungjong isn’t home tonight” Myungsoo pouted, nervously.

 

Woohyun wondered if this meant the same thing for Myungsoo as it meant to him.


	17. Chapter 17

Woohyun and Myungsoo were sitting on the sofa at Myungsoo’s place. Empty beer cans from the convenience store scattered all over the coffee table. They had been chatting all this time without even turning the tv on.

“I was so into DBSK when I was younger, they were my role model” Myungsoo was speaking so enthusiastically that Woohyun, who was mostly listening to his monologue, couldn't help but grin. “I think I still have posters in my room back home”

Myungsoo paused to drink some of his beer.

“You could have made it into an idol group with that face of yours” Woohyun smiled.

“Do you think so?” Myungsoo hid his smile behind his hand. “I like to think that I would have made it with hard work”

Woohyun laughed. It was a surprising answer.

“Now that I think about it, doesn’t Howon look a lot like Yunho?” Myungsoo asked suddenly. Woohyun’s smile faded. His heart always sank when he heard his best friend's name.

“He does. Actually, people used to call him little Yunho in Busan”

Myungsoo laughed wholeheartedly.

“It totally fits him. He’s quite a good dancer too”

Woohyun smiled sadly. Howon used to dance with Dongwoo’s crew but suddenly stopped, pretending that he wanted to focus on his studies. Woohyun himself didn’t know the exact reason, and now that he was thinking about it, he never bothered to ask back then.

“Sorry I always end up talking about him somehow…”

“It’s okay. I understand.” Woohyun assured.

Myungsoo averted his eyes. The mood was a bit awkward suddenly, and Woohyun was trying to find something to say but he couldn’t think of anything.

“I really enjoy spending time with you, you know” Myungsoo finally spoke first. “We never really were that close and Howon is our mutual… acquaintance. So, I keep talking about him, and you may think I’m hanging out with you just for that but it’s not like that...”

Woohyun wondered was Myungsoo was trying to say.

“Honestly, I don’t want to forget about Howon just yet because it would mean that what happened between us was nothing much, I guess?” Myungsoo kept talking. Woohyun could only listen to him, nodding at times with a focused expression. “But on the other hand, I think you’re really nice, and that you genuinely want to help me, and also that you’re… really attractive”

Myungsoo blushed. Woohyun couldn’t believe him. How could someone do things like this to his heart with few words? 

“Am I?” he asked with a small voice.

“Yes! Yes, you are. I don’t really know myself what I’m doing right now by asking you to stay with me tonight. But it’s not because I drank, and it’s not because I’m lonely either. I like you and I really do want to stay with you but I’m not sure about the rest.”

“It’s okay, don’t push yourself. I think you already guessed how I feel about you but I don’t want you to do anything you’d regret.” Woohyun replied, he was so happy to hear that Myungsoo liked him, although it was unexpected. He also knew it was a bit soon for him to get into a new relationship after what he had been thought with Howon, but one night together wouldn't mean anything special anyway. “I know it sounded like an invitation when I said what I said earlier, but, really, I’m not expecting something from you, I was just… ”

“I know, don’t worry. I’m not that clueless.” Myungsoo cut him off with an embarrassed smile. “I know it seems like I’m a newbie to you but I dated quite a lot of girls before. But, to be completely honest, I never imagined I would feel attracted by a boy before Howon, and now I start having those feelings for you too. I really don’t want you to think that I don’t like you or anything. I’m so sorry I just feel so confused...”

Woohyun didn’t know himself how he felt about this. Of course he liked Myungsoo, it was impossible not to like someone like him, and at this moment, he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing him. Myungsoo moved to sit a bit closer. Woohyun stroked his cheek as he brushed Myungsoo’s inner thigh with his other hand. The latter gasped, looking down at his lap before looking back into Woohyun’s eyes with a strange look. Woohyun’s heart was on the verge of exploding. It was late into the night already, and they should go to sleep before things would get out of hands, but neither of them seemed to know how to introduce the idea.

“Do you mind if I take a shower?” Woohyun asked, a bit hesitant. He really had to clear up his thoughts before sharing a bed with him.

“I’ll go first if you don’t mind”

Woohyun nodded as Myungsoo left to the bathroom. He was cleaning up the living room when he came back after showering. He brought a towel, a toothbrush and even a change of clothes for Woohyun to use.

He started to think about how easy he could fall for someone as cute and easygoing as Myungsoo. Howon must have been feeling this way when he started to date him as well. Woohyun couldn’t say he wasn’t easily falling for someone, especially handsome guys, but this time he didn’t want to get impatient. He wanted to make things properly. He thought it would have been much simpler for them all if Sunggyu and Howon met before the latter had started to date Myungsoo.

Even though he blamed it all on Howon, he didn’t want others to think that he was seeing Myungsoo because he wanted to get revenge. He genuinely liked him. At the same time, he didn’t want to repeat the same mistakes he did with Sunggyu and kept in mind that this may only be a rebound relationship for Myungsoo and nothing more. Yet, he still didn’t know where to draw the line.

 

~

 

Myungsoo was already in bed, playing on his phone when Woohyun came out of the bathroom. He lied next to him and watched him play silently for a moment until Myungsoo lost and closed the app and turned to Woohyun with a smile.

“Thank you for tonight”

Woohyun smiled back and stroked his cheek gently, Myungsoo grabbed his wrist but didn’t stop him. He looked just like a kitten with his adorable smile. They stayed like this for a moment. Woohyun moved closer, staring at his face with a lump in his throat. Myungsoo’s blinked a few times yet didn’t pull away and stared back silently.

It would be a lie to say that Woohyun hadn't wished for something to happen, but he never thought Myungsoo would be the one to make the first step by suddenly wrapping his arm around his waist to pull him all against him, so close he could feel his heart beating furiously inside of his chest.

Woohyun didn’t know anymore whether Myungsoo was a kitten or a tiger, but either way he wasn’t as innocent as Howon made him to be. He hesitated for a little while but decided to go with the flow and kissed his lips. It was a little peck at first, then two, then three and more. Kisses started to last longer so Woohyun pushed his tongue inside of Myungsoo’s mouth to kiss him properly.

They both moaned as they tongues brushed against their twin.

Myungsoo broke the kiss, cupping Woohyun’s face. The room was a bit dark but he could see his expression clearly, he seemed confused but he didn’t seem to dislike it and Woohyun felt deeply relieved.

“It feels good” Myungsoo pronounced, tears welling up in his eyes.

Woohyun wanted to feel sorry because he must have made him feel even more confused, but maybe it was better for him to understand that Howon wasn’t the only one who could make him feel this way. At the same time, somewhere deep inside, he knew his real motives, were far more selfish.

 

~~

 

“Howon! Long time no see” Dongwoo beamed.

They hugged briefly.

Howon stopped going to class and planned to prepare for his exams at home, but Sunggyu liked to spend most of his free time at the library to study, so Howon ended up coming along since he had nothing better to do.

“Are you finally going to attend classes?”

“No, I’m just waiting for Sunggyu hyung. He’s studying at the library.”

Dongwoo nodded. Howon had been texting him about the situation, and the latter chose to forgive him. It really made him feel relieved to have Dongwoo by his sides, even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud.

Howon still really wanted to make it up to Woohyun. He missed him but he didn’t know how to apologize properly for what he did. Sungyeol wouldn’t speak to him either, and he wasn’t that close to their other friends he mostly met through Woohyun. Winter break was around the corner, and Howon would probably be going home to Busan. But after the new year, he wanted to talk it through with Woohyun. He already gave up on Myungsoo for Sunggyu, but he didn’t want to lose his best friend as well.

“Do you live with him right now?”

“For a little while. I’ll look for a new place when I come back from Busan in January”

Sunggyu was graduating in February, and they didn’t talk about what they were going to do next yet. If Howon had to be honest, he would say that it was a bit embarrassing to live with Sunggyu’s family. They were really nice, so nice he wished he had such a family, but he felt like a burden and he wanted a place for himself.

“You’re going back to your family this year?” Dongwoo asked. Everybody knew that he didn’t have a good relationship with his parents, but he had no choice but to come back that year because he needed their help for the deposit, and he knew his mother would help. “Did you make up with them?”

“Not really, but they’re my family after all...”

Dongwoo made a weird face.

“What about Sunggyu hyung? Is it going well with him?”

Howon smiled to himself.

“It’s going very well” a voice pronounced behind Howon. It was Sunggyu.

“Are you done?” Howon asked him as the elder nodded, grabbing his hand.

They had been spending most of their time together for the past two weeks. Howon had lived with Myungsoo for a while as well, and it had been really sweet. He especially liked waking him up with kisses and how cute he was in general.

Sunggyu was different, but just as sweet once tamed. He was serious and very demanding, but also very soft hearted and most of all, he was reliable.

“We’re going to grab some food. Wanna tag along?” Sunggyu asked.

“I have a class in a few, but let’s eat together someday” Dongwoo smiled cheerfully. “I really miss our little gatherings”

Howon glanced at Sunggyu who averted his eyes.

“Woohyun don’t come to the gatherings either?”

Dongwoo didn’t reply right away, he seemed a bit uneasy. Howon knew that Woohyun easily fell for pretty faces, and switched crushes after crushes without never truly falling for anyone, and this had been the reason why he never got into a serious relationship before. Howon thought that him liking Sunggyu would be just another fling, but he seemed really hurt this time.  
   
When he first had sex with Sunggyu, he never once thought it would affect him this much. Of course, he understood that it would hurt his pride; himself would hate the idea of him having sex with Myungsoo even now. Now, he only wished for him to find someone he could settle with, and that things would go back to normal between them.  
   
“We don’t see Woohyun often these days, actually. He goes to class and to work, but I don’t have a freaking idea about what he’s doing the rest of the time” Dongwoo finally replied. He still had this weird expression on his face and Howon frowned, thinking that he would always be terrible liar. “Anyway, I have to leave now. See you guys!”

Dongwoo left in a hurry, and the two others went to eat at a fast food near the campus.

“I really feel bad about Woohyun and Myungsoo sometimes” Sunggyu pronounced suddenly.

Howon was surprised about how silent Sunggyu had been during most of their meal time, he guessed that what Dongwoo said earlier still bothered him. They talked about this already before, about how Sunggyu felt guilty about what happened, and about how Howon didn’t want to regret the past because he was quite happy with how things were now. Sunggyu thought it would be too early for them to date officially as Howon broke up with Myungsoo not too long ago. Howon didn’t really care, though. They slept together, had sex, he could hold his hand and kiss him as much as he wanted. He was happy being with him just like this.

“It’s okay they’ll get over it” Howon grabbed Sunggyu’s hand with a reassuring smile. “Let’s just focus on us for now”

“Don’t you miss him? He’s your best friend after all”

“I do” Howon admitted, playing with the elder’s fingers. “I really want him back but I also know it will probably never be the same after this”

Sunggyu pouted sadly.

“Don’t feel bad” Howon went on. “I chose you after all”

 

His words had the exactly the effect he expected. Sunggyu couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of their break. He didn’t like Sunggyu feeling guilty about starting this relationship. It scared him actually, because he didn’t know how he would react if the elder broke up with him at this point.


	18. Chapter 18

Winter vacations came.

Woohyun stayed at the dorm as he planned to spend Christmas with Myungsoo. Although they kept meeting like this, nothing special happened after that night the kissed. Woohyun was glad they didn’t go any further than kissing because he could feel that Myungsoo had felt embarrassed about it the next day. There was no need to rush things. Woohyun wasn’t too sure about how he felt about all this. He was attracted to him for sure. Myungsoo had seem to feel the same way. But Howon’s ghost was still lingering between them and it would probably ruin everything in the end.

It was the day before Christmas and Kibum wanted to hangout.

It had snowed a lot the past few days but the streets of Hongdae were still crowded. Woohyun met Kibum at their usual spot in front of the Mcdonald’s.

“Are you going out tomorrow night?” Kibum asked. He had dragged him into the first shop he saw and they wandered inside without even looking at the clothes. “I thought about going out in Itaewon with the gang for a change”

“Ah sorry, I have plans for tomorrow actually” Woohyun replied. He knew that his friend would probably react vividly. Woohyun only told Kibum that he got rejected by Sunggyu but never mentioned what happened between Sunggyu and Howon. He never talked about Myungsoo either. At first, he didn’t want to tell anyone because he didn’t want rumors to spread, but Kibum was his childhood friend and he could definitely be trusted. And mostly, Woohyun needed to get it out of his chest.

“You’re already over Sunggyu? That was quick” Kibum laughed. “Who is it? Tell me everything!”

“You don’t know?” Woohyun cocked an eyebrow. 

Kibum seemed surprised. Woohyun wanted to be sure he didn’t know about what happened with Howon and Sunggyu and honestly he was glad that it didn’t spread outside of the dorm.

“Dongwoo caught Howon and Sunggyu making out in our living room and somehow we discovered that they had an affair” Woohyun sighed looking down at his hands. He wished he had punched Howon in the face himself that day. “So, Howon broke up with Myungsoo and now he and Sunggyu are... together”

“Damn Howon is such a jerk… Last time I saw them was that night we all went out together. I didn’t tell you at that time because I thought they just were playing around but Howon was so wasted he kept telling Sunggyu that he was cute but he disappeared right after so I thought… I feel so sorry it turned out this way” 

Howon had this bad habit to disappear when he was too drunk. Usually he just wanted to go home and would get lost instead but Woohyun knew he often used this as an excuse to escape when he was tempted to cheat on Myungsoo. 

“It’s not your fault”

“I always knew Howon was a selfish bastard”

“Don’t say that. I think he’s really in love with Sunggyu” Woohyun sighed. Kibum glared at him with a frown. “Don’t get me wrong. I really can’t forgive him but I’m fine now. I’m spending christmas with Myungsoo, actually”

Woohyun smiled a bit. He didn’t blame Kibum for speaking like this about Howon, himself had been pretty harsh with Myungsoo in the past, although he didn’t think a word of what he had said that day.

Myungsoo was still in love with Howon for sure, even if he pretended the opposite every time he mentioned his name, but Woohyun didn’t want to rush things and waited patiently to see how things would evolve. 

“Myungsoo? Kim Myungsoo? You’re hooking up with his ex?” Kibum smiled sadly. “I don’t think that’s a good idea Woohyun”

“Kibum...” Woohyun somehow guessed his friend was going to say something like that. “Don’t worry, okay? It’s nothing serious we’re just trying to cope this betrayal together”

“If you say so” he still pouted. “I feel sorry your friendship with Howon ended this way, thought”

Woohyun knew Kibum didn’t really mean it because he always had disliked Howon and how fusional their friendship had been for the past two years. Woohyun loved him so dearly even now. 

Woohyun’s mood wasn’t too good after that talk. He thought Kibum would support him but he seemed too glad to have an opportunity to shit on Howon so he decided to go home early.

As he arrived in front of his apartment building, he wasn’t even surprised to see Sohee waiting for him there. She looked a bit pitiful with her wet hair and blue lips. Woohyun guessed that she must have been waiting for him for a long time in the cold, but he didn’t want to give her false hope by inviting her inside.

“Nobody opened the door for me…” she explained quickly but Woohyun ignored her and closed the door to her face. He felt a bit guilty seeing her expression through the glass door but he didn’t want to deal with her at this moment.

He was about to get into the elevator but decided to turn back. Sohee was still there and welcomed him with a big smile.

“This is money for a taxi” Woohyun said. He pushed few bills into her coat’s pocket. “Please, don’t come here anymore”

He went back inside and made sure the door closed behind him before leaving. 

 

~~

 

“Call me when you get there, okay?” Sunggyu said. The elder came to the bus station to see Howon off. He had been holding the sleeves of Howon’s parka firmly all this time. It made the latter feel guilty to see his sad pout but he would be away for less than a week. He was nervous to leave him to be honest. he couldn’t stop feeling very anxious every time they weren’t together. He was that scared of being dumped. Howon wished he could have brought him along but there was no way his parents would have welcomed him. “I will miss you so much”

Howon pursed his lips. He really didn’t want to go suddenly.

“I should have spent Christmas with you at least… but my mother wanted me to spend it with them” 

“You’ll make it up to me when you’ll come back” Sunggyu leaned closer. 

Howon cupped his face to kiss his lips. He didn’t care about people seeing them, nobody would care anyway.

“I love you” Howon whispered, planting little pecks on Sunggyu’s lips.

“I love you too. Don’t forget to call me”

Howon smiled as Sunggyu hugged him. It really wasn’t like him to be such a sappy lover but he never felt this way for anyone else before.

Finally, Howon got in the bus. He watched his boyfriend who was waving at him from outside. It was the first time he went back to his family since he started university. His parents didn’t want him to leave Busan in the first place. They probably knew he wasn’t going to come back. Howon had savings from his the numerous part time jobs he had during high school so he never had to ask them for anything until then, but he needed a large amount of money for his deposit this time so he had no choice.

He slept during most of the trip. His father was waiting for him when he got out of the bus.

They greeted each other a bit awkwardly. It was weird to see his face after all this time.

“You seem well” his father pronounced as they sat in the car.

Howon bulked his safety belt up. He thought his mother would be the one to come get him, but it seemed like his father was trying to be nice.

“You seem well too, dad”

His father looked at him. It must have had been years since the last time they talked this much.

“Son, I’m really glad you came this year. Your brother is here with his girlfriend as well” His father smiled at him before focusing back on the road. “Your mother will be really happy to see your face after all this time”

Howon somehow felt bad for not visiting but he couldn’t relax around his parents after hearing what they had to say about him. They never really fought before, but he heard them talk about him one day. He had felt so mad to hear such words from the mouth of his own parents that he couldn’t help but resent them from that day. 

Even before that, he never had been that close to his parents because they never really understood him anyway. His mother was overly protective towards his big brother and always let Howon do whatever he wanted without really asking about his whereabouts.

His relationship with his father wasn’t that good either. Not that he disliked him, but him being constantly at work, they never had the occasion to bond. 

Of course, Howon still loved his family. He just didn’t feel the need to see them.

They reached the house and Howon’s mother was waiting for him on the doorstep, she smiled so brightly he didn’t have the heart to reject her hug. He smiled awkwardly, answering to her questions as they got inside. His older brother was in the living room eating fruits in front of the tv with his girlfriend. He was the same age as Sunggyu, and seeing them like this with his girlfriend made his heart ache a little. He missed the elder already.

“Howonnie!” his older brother beamed as he entered the room. “Finally you’re home!” 

“You’ve lost so much weight are you eating well in Seoul?” his mother asked pinching his cheek.

“I’ve had quite a rough time these past few weeks to be really honest” he spoke. It wasn’t usual for him to speak up about his problems, especially in front his family, but he felt like he really needed their help this time. He was a bit happy his brother was there as well because he was the only one he felt comfortable around.

“What happened? A break up? You were with someone last time I went to see you in Seoul”

Howon sighed.

“I’m with someone else right now but I sort of got into a fight with my best friend to be with that person so… I ended up moving out from the dorm and I’m still trying to figure out how to find a new place to live”

“Honey... you should have said something! I would have sent you money for the deposit”

Howon looked at his mother, surprised. He never thought she would be okay with it right away. He glanced at his father who didn’t say anything. 

“Is that new person nice? You brother told me you’re really popular”

“Hyung…”

Howon noted that his mother used gender neutral pronouns while talking but he didn’t know if she meant anything by it. He decided to escape the conversation, saying that he was going to put his luggage in his room. He had arrived for less than ten minutes and it already tired him out so he decided to rest in his bedroom a little. It didn’t feel too bad to be there again in the end, he had tried so hard to run away from this place but it still felt home and he liked it.

After a while, he decided to call Sunggyu. The elder was probably going to spend Christmas with his family as well.

“Hello?” Sunggyu’s voice was quite loud on the phone. Howon could hear his sister’s voice in the background and guessed that they had started to eat already.

“Hey hyung, I got home safely” Howon sighed. Hearing his voice made him want to see him even more. “It feels so weird to be here after all this time… but I think I like it a little”

“Of course it’s your family after all” Sunggyu seemed in a very good mood. “Let’s go together next time I’ll pretend to be a friend if you want”

Howon laughed. There was no way they could lie about their relationship. Firsly, they both were terrible liars, and secondly, they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves when they were together.

“The walls are way too thin for your moans here, you know” Howon teased. 

“Shut up” Sunggyu chuckled. Howon tried to picture his embarrassed expression and it made him smile uncontrollably. “I will miss you tonight”

A little silence installed.

“Won’t you miss me?” Sunggyu asked after a while.

Howon pressed the phone a bit harder in his hand.

“I miss you already hyung”

Someone knocked before opening his door.

“Darling, dinner’s almost ready can you help your brother setting the table?”

Howon sat up a bit startled and looked at his mother who was still standing by his door.

“Mom… Give me a minute I’m on the phone”

She smiled.

“I will text you later” Howon told Sunggyu. “Have fun with your family tonight”

“Have fun too. I love you.” 

“Love you too”

Howon hung up half heartedly. He would have liked this call to last a bit longer. He thought his mother would leave, but she closed the door behind her and sat on the bed with him instead.

“Was it your lover on the phone?”

“Yes” 

“Earlier, when I asked you if they were nice, you didn’t answer” Howon felt heart missing a beat as she talked. “That was a boy’s voice on the phone, right?”

“Mom…”

She smiled, putting her hand over her son’s.

“So? Is he handsome?”

Howon was dumbfounded. He started laughing, relieved. He always had thought that it would be a difficult subject to discuss with his family, but his mother just like his brother back when he came out to him, only seemed to care about how happy that someone made him feel.

“He is” he grinned a bit. “But… did you hear our conversation?”

“Sorry…” she laughed. “Don’t worry your brother already spilled some hints anyway so it was an easy guess”

Howon rolled his eyes. His brother came to visit him in Seoul for a while, back in September and Howon had introduced him to Myungsoo whom he just had started to date at that time. He felt a bit stupid that he didn’t know his parents to this extent. He wasn’t too sure about how his father would react, to be honest, because him and his mother were really different. But he was glad that both his brother and mother understood him at least. 

“Your father may not be ready to hear about this but we’re happy as long as you are, my dear” she smiled a bit sadly. “I know we don’t always understand each others but let’s try to get along from now on, okay?”

“I’m sorry mom”

She squeezed his hand. 

“Maybe you should tell your boyfriend to come here as long as you make sure those thin walls aren’t a problem” 

Howon felt himself blushing a bit. His mother laughed at him, pinching his cheek playfully. He sure knew where he got that teasing personality from. He really wanted to invite Sunggyu over but it maybe was a bit too early for that.


	19. Chapter 19

Woohyun didn’t know why he was so nervous about this date with Myungsoo. He got there early and although it wasn’t snowing anymore, the weather was still really cold. 

Myungsoo arrived a bit early as well and seemed surprised to see that Woohyun was already there.

“It’s so cold today, let’s go eat something warm” Woohyun proposed. Myungsoo nodded with a smile. It was still pretty early in the afternoon and all they could see were couple walking hand in hand. Woohyun felt terribly envious. He wondered how Myungsoo would react if he grabbed his hand at this moment. Probably, he wouldn’t dislike it because it was the kind of skinship they always had even before things started to get weird between them.

“What about chicken soup instead of fried chicken?” Myungsoo walked so close that Woohyun’s shoulder kept clashing against his arm. 

“Sounds good to me” 

Woohyun contained a smile when Myungsoo linked arm with him. 

Myungsoo seemed into one of his good days and kept talking with a smile plastered on his face. Woohyun was really glad about it, because there were times the boy seemed really gloomy and distant. He just wanted to hang out and have fun that night.

“I don’t feel like drinking tonight” Myungsoo had told him when they had ordered. Woohyun glanced at him before he was scare he was in a bad mood suddenly, but Myungsoo was still smiling. Woohyun didn’t know what he meant by that but getting wasted alone didn’t sound so good either so they didn’t order alcohol other than the ginseng wine that the owner gave them.

The streets were crowded with couples and groups of friends ready to get drunk. As Woohyun and Myungsoo walked aimlessly, chatting about this and that, they ended up in a calmer neighborhood.

“Sorry, I hope you’re not bored. I wanted to watch a movie but all the good ones were already sold out when I tried to buy tickets” Myungsoo pronounced as they walked by the cinema. “It’s pretty cold outside too”

“Is Sungjong spending Christmas with his girlfriend?”

“Yes. But not at our place, if that’s what you’re curious about. Why? D-do you want to go to my place?”

Woohyun glanced at him. His stomach did a full looping.

“Myungsoo...” Woohyun didn’t even know what to say. His imagination was running wild at this moment. Myungsoo was standing there with a shy smile, he looked so cute he wanted to kiss him so badly. “Is it really okay for me to come to your place?”

“Yes?” Myungsoo replied with a chuckle.

Woohyun clenched his teeth and grabbed the other’s hand. Myungsoo kept smiling when Woohyun pulled him closer and kissed him. Woohyun’s hand squeezed around the material of Myungsoo’s coat as the latter pushed on Woohyun’s neck with his free hand. They separated after a while, out of breath.

“Please don’t tease me. I’m not really good at handling that” Woohyun didn’t know if he should feel amused or annoyed at this point. It wasn’t really Myungsoo’s fault, he was probably trying his best to make the first step but it was so hard to know what was the right thing to do. 

“I’m not teasing you, thought?”

Woohyun cracked up. 

“You’re too much. I never know whether it’s an innocent proposition or not.” 

Myungsoo blinked, obviously confused. 

Woohyun really wanted to have sex with him. But Myungsoo was so clueless sometimes there was no way he could tell what his real intentions were. Woohyun didn’t want to go back to the dorm that night. Sungyeol and the others were probably out somewhere getting drunk and he didn’t want to spend the night alone there. He’d rather spend it with Myungsoo even if it meant to jerk off in the bathroom like a horny teenager to be able to get some sleep.

“I’ll get straight to the point then. I may try to have sex with you tonight.”

Woohyun wanted to see how Myungsoo would react but he was half sure he would get turned down as the latter seemed to think about it.

“I was thinking about that too” Myungsoo replied with a blush after a while.

 

~~

 

Myungsoo beckoned Woohyun to go to his room as they entered his apartment.

Looking at this face never failed to make Woohyun’s heart flutter. Myungsoo was just that attractive.

“I really want to kiss you” Myungsoo whispered. 

Myungsoo was about to cry the first time they kissed, but he looked a lot more comfortable this time. Woohyun couldn’t contain a little smirk and leaned in to kiss his lips. Myungsoo opened his mouth, letting Woohyun’s tongue probe the inside of his mouth.

It felt good.

Myungsoo moaned, sliding his hands under Woohyun’s clothes to remove them. Woohyun broke the kiss and removed his sweatshirt as well as Myungsoo’s jumper and undershirt.

“I’ve noticed before but you’re really fit” Myungsoo brushed Woohyun’s torso with the tip of his fingers. He moved slowly on his skin. Woohyun couldn’t contain a little moan as he pinched his nipple between his index and thumb. “You’re quite sensitive as well, Howon never reacted to this”

Woohyun laughed. He didn’t really like to hear this name at such a moment but he could understand that to Myungsoo he was his only reference.

“Let’s not think about him right now, okay?”

Myungsoo nodded, mouthing a sorry.

Woohyun decided to get a little revenge, moving to his neck to run his mouth over his skin. Myungsoo was quick to react. He grasped Woohyun’s shoulders with a moan as the latter slowly made his way to his chest, nibbling and kissing his skin.

“I’m getting hard” Myungsoo pronounced. Woohyun was getting down to open his pants.

Woohyun’s hand palmed his crotch through his underwear. He leaned away quickly to take a look to confirm. Myungsoo was quite well hung. 

“Can I keep going?” Woohyun asked. He could feel him pulsing against his palm but he still wanted to ask to be sure. 

Myungsoo nodded, looking down at his crotch as Woohyun pulled his member out of his underwear. Woohyun sat him down on his bed. Myungsoo brushed Woohyun’s hair gently. The latter felt his own hard on twitching as he realized it was really happening.

Woohyun closed his eyes, wrapping his mouth around Myungsoo. He started bobbing his head, using all the little tricks he knew. Myungsoo was moaning and kept pressing on his neck for Woohyun to take him deeper.

The wet noises and Myungsoo’s moans filled the air. Woohyun couldn’t help but glance at his handsome face. He wanted to take him in so badly; he laughed to himself at how embarrassing his thoughts were.

Suddenly, Myungsoo gasped hard and stopped Woohyun. 

“Can we take a break?” He had tears in his eyes once again.

“You want to stop?”

Myungsoo shook his head.

“Can I touch you instead?”

Woohyun was so astonished he could only nod in reply. Woohyun tried to keep in mind that Myungsoo didn’t have much experience with boys but that he did date girls in the past. He didn’t know whether he could handle that or just start crying a river but he wanted to let him try at least. Myungsoo was definitely thinking about Howon at that moment. But it was okay. Woohyun was going to erase him from his mind. He was confident about that.

Myungsoo took a deep breath and pulled Woohyun to the bed. 

They removed the rest of their clothes and Myungsoo straddled Woohyun. The latter held back a moan as Myungsoo grabbed both their members to rub them together. He watched his crotch, his mouth gaping open. Myungsoo was panting but Woohyun felt it. It wasn’t enough.

“Wait” Woohyun sat up. He smooched Myungsoo’s lips. “Can we try something?”

Myungsoo nodded.

Woohyun rolled on his stomach to put himself on his all fours and looked back at Myungsoo.

“Put it between my thighs” his voice was barely a whisper. He was so excited his arms were trembling under his weight.

Myungsoo grabbed his hips and pushed his cock between Woohyun’s thighs as the latter pressed them together. They both moaned. Myungsoo started thrusting slowly at first, pressing on Woohyun’s thighs to keep them together. Soon enough, he started moving faster. Woohyun moved his hips for a better angle. Myungsoo’s fingers were sinking into his skin. He was thrusting so hard, somehow it felt like he wasn’t thinking about anything anymore.

“Damn this is good” Woohyun used his hands to add some extra rub on their members. He was so close yet he wanted more. In a different situation, he would probably have begged to get fucked, but he didn’t do it in a while, and Myungsoo maybe wasn’t in the right state of mind at this moment.

“Sorry I...” Myungsoo yelped as he came.

As Myungsoo moved away, he couldn’t stop little breathy moans from escaping his mouth. Myungsoo turned him on his back and lied above him to kiss him. It was an urgent kiss that made Woohyun shiver from head to toe.

“I will make you come too” Myungsoo pronounced against Woohyun’s lips. He moved down to his crotch and Woohyun couldn’t contain a little cry when he understood what Myungsoo was going to do.

Woohyun watched Myungsoo take his member inside of his mouth, his mouth gaping open at the sight. This evening was exceeding all his expectations.

Myungsoo moved his tongue clumsily on Woohyun’s length and it made him chuckle. Although Myungsoo was a bit awkward, it felt quite good. But it wasn’t near enough to make him to go off.

After a moment Myungsoo stopped and looked at him.

“I’m still bad at this sorry”

Woohyun shook his head. Myungsoo was so cute he didn’t want him to feel bad about it. 

“You’re doing fine, don’t worry” Woohyun felt embarrassed to say what he really wanted but he also knew that there was no use beating around the bush with Myungsoo. “I’m just used to a different… stimulation to be able to come properly…”

They looked at each other for a moment.

Myungsoo glanced at Woohyun’s crotch in a haze. He didn’t even think twice and put two fingers in his mouth to suck on them while stroking Woohyun with his other hand.

“Are you okay with this?” Woohyun was worried he was pushing him a bit too far but Myungsoo pushed his legs open while looking right into his eyes.

Woohyun thought it was pretty hot.

“I never did this to a guy but you’ll guide me, right?” Myungsoo’s voice was quivering a bit. Woohyun couldn’t tell if it was out of excitation or nervousness but he liked this.

Myungsoo pushed a first finger, pushing it all the way inside as Woohyun’s eye rolled in their orbits. He didn’t do it in a long time but he was still quite soft down there so Myungsoo pushed a second one quickly. Woohyun sat up and grabbed Myungsoo’s wrist, moving his hips on his fingers to help him brush against his prostate. He moaned so hard Myungsoo blocked his mouth with his free hand with a laugh. 

“You’re getting harder” Myungsoo whispered. He removed his hand from Woohyun’s mouth to kiss him. “Should I touch you more?”

“Not yet…” Woohyun threw his arms around Myungsoo. He was panting like crazy but he still wanted more.

“Fuck, I’m getting hard again...”

Woohyun stopped Myungsoo, pulling on his wrist for him to remove his fingers from his hole. Then, he pulled Myungsoo to make him lie with above him and gently pressed his legs on his sides. He thought he would have to ask for it out loud but Myungsoo acted before that and installed to enter him. 

They were doing it for real.

Myungsoo looked so handsome Woohyun couldn’t believe they ended up together like that. There was nothing between them for the time being. Myungsoo merely liked him as a friend, and maybe as a sex partner after that night. Woohyun promised himself that he would try his best not to wish anything more than this.

Myungsoo’s relationship with Howon had been quite short, but he really had been, and still remained, deeply in love with him.

One night couldn’t erase those feelings. Woohyun knew that well enough.

Myungsoo moved inside him slowly, holding Woohyun’s thighs against his pelvis.

“You’re way tighter than a girl. It feels so good.” Myungsoo was panting hard, his voice was deeper than usual. “Does it feel good for you?”

Woohyun nodded. He wanted to ask him for more but he was scared to let his voice out.

“Can I move faster?” Myungsoo asked.

“Yes please…” Woohyun moaned, he had tears in his eyes. Myungsoo was biting on his lips, his thrusts became harder and harder. They both were slowly losing it.

Woohyun was glad he waited for him to come once before asking for it because Myungsoo was already pulsing inside him. Ready to come. Woohyun felt his insides twitching every time Myungsoo moved in and out. He couldn’t see clearly, his eyes rolled up, moans escaping his throat.

Myungsoo leaned in to whisper in his ear. 

“Your moans are so cute”

Woohyun didn’t know what to answer that and tightened his hold to pull Myungsoo against him. He was so close from reaching his orgasm he didn’t want to lose focus. 

Myungsoo slid in hand between them to reach for Woohyun’s cock to jerk him off.

“Yes” Woohyun gasped for air, his whole body tensing as he finally came. Myungsoo didn’t stop moving or stroking him even after that. Woohyun felt tears escaping his eyes, he didn’t want the pleasure to stop. “Please come inside” Woohyun begged when he saw that Myungsoo was hesitating after seeing him cry.

Myungsoo came a while after.

They both lied down on the bed after cleaning up. Myungsoo didn’t say a word and Woohyun didn’t know what to say either.

“I’m going to sleep now” Woohyun spoke softly, glancing at Myungsoo who was staring at the ceiling.

“Woohyun” Myungsoo called in a whisper. “It felt so good”

“Really? You seem a bit down now, thought.”

“Yeah, I just noticed that I didn’t think about him at all while we were doing it” Myungsoo chuckled. “I don’t know why it makes me feel sad”

Woohyun’s lips quivered as he tried not to smile. He lied closer to Myungsoo and rested his head on his shoulder.


	20. Chapter 20

“You fought with Woohyun?” His brother asked as Howon and he were washing the dishes.

“Yeah, I don’t think he even wants to see my face anymore” Howon wasn’t proud of what he had done to Woohyun and Myungsoo, but having Sunggyu by his sides made him feel so happy. “I fucked up big time to be honest”

“What happened? Woohyun liked the person you’re now with? That’s my guess from what you’ve said earlier”

“Yeah… They were kinda dating and I still was with Myungsoo when it happened.”

Howon sighted he averted his eyes to look at the plate in his hand.

“Seriously, did it already happen to you to have such a good fuck with someone you can’t forget about it? Like, I know I’m such a jerk I cheated on my boyfriend, but after we did it once I couldn’t stop myself. I don’t know if that’s our chemistry or something. Even now that we’re dating I still want to mess him up so bad...” Howon added clenching his fist as images of Sunggyu’s face popped up in his mind.

“I didn’t know you were such a pervert” his brother commented, hitting the back of his head a bit harshly with a laugh.

“He looks so serious usually you'd never imagine… I’ll spare you the details but wow”

His brother glanced at his girlfriend who was cleaning the table in the next room.

“I get you, thought. That was like that with my ex” he kept his voice low, probably scared his girlfriend would hear him. “She looked all cute but she was so… Well, I still dumped her for Somi because that was such a shallow reason to like someone, in my opinion. I’m not saying it is that way for you, but this kind of passionate feelings don’t often lead to stable relationships. That may not be what you’re looking for, anyway. A stable relationship.” 

Howon pouted. He never really thought about this. He just wanted to enjoy the moment for now. Howon always had liked how Sunggyu’s personality clashed with his way before anything happened between them. Usually, he didn’t care about ending a relationship if one of them got bored but he felt so anxious about Sunggyu leaving him, he wanted to understand how deep his feelings for him were.

“Still, cheating on someone is really low”

“I know…” Howon sighed.

“Why did you cheat even?”

“The first time or after that?” Howon asked back. His brother smacked his head a bit forcefully once again. “Hey, it hurts”

“You know you deserved this one”

Howon hissed, rubbing the spot his brother hit him.

“I was drunk and horny. I just planned to play around for a bit but I totally lost control”

“Such a lame excuse. Are you a beast or a human, really?”

“He’s too attractive I don’t know… It just happened” Howon sighed, those were the same words he told Woohyun when he found out about them. He wondered how he was feeling about all this now. Sometimes he missed him so much he found himself opening their chat room but he never had the guts to send anything.

 

~~

 

Howon didn’t go outside much. He had no friends left in Busan to visit so he stayed home, helping his mother or going out to drink with his father. 

They all wanted to make up for lost time. 

That night, they were going back home after drinking quite a lot when Sunggyu called him for their usual goodnight call.

“Hyung can you wait a minute, I’m not home yet. I was drinking with my dad again tonight” Howon answered the phone as his father was looking for his keys. “Dad, I’ll stay outside for a while. I have a phone call”

“Oh okay, I’ll go to bed first. Goodnight son. Don’t stay outside for too long” he replied, waving at him.

Howon waved back and sighed when his father disappeared behind the door, he haven’t drunk this much in a while.

“You seem quite drunk, are you okay?” Sunggyu asked through the phone. It felt so good to hear his voice he wanted to hug him tightly.

“Yes babe, don’t worry” Howon smiled, hearing the elder chuckling at the cheesy nickname.

“Babe? That’s the first time you’re calling me something like this”  
   
“You don’t like it?” Howon sat against a wall near his house. 

“I just thought that I would probably melt if you called me this while we make love” Sunggyu pronounced with a low voice.

“Oh? I can’t wait to try whispering it in your ear as I’m all inside you, babe…” Howon teased.

Sunggyu gasped slightly.

“Only two days left” Sunggyu’s voice broke down into a whisper.

Howon let out a breath, it wasn’t the right moment to get aroused so he decided to change subject. He already wanted to see him he didn’t need to torture himself any more than that.

“Do you have a cold by the way? Your voice seems a bit weak tonight” Howon asked to change the subject.

“My throat is a bit sore but I’m fine. I’m drinking honey water right now” Sunggyu chuckled once again.

“Thank you by the way” Howon bit his bottom lip to keep himself from smiling too widely. “You were right to tell me to visit my parents”

Sunggyu didn’t reply right away. Howon had been very reluctant to go back to his parents’, especially to ask for money, but Sunggyu had persuaded him to go and clear up what he thought was a misunderstanding. Howon didn’t want to believe him at first but now he understood that he had been the one putting this wall between him and his family all this time. He couldn’t thank Sunggyu enough for helping him with that.

“Be a good son from now on, or I will scold you!”

“I will” Howon smiled to himself and let out a short breath. He couldn’t wait to see his boyfriend’s face and take him in his arms. “I’m so glad I have you, you know?”

Sunggyu sighed. Howon knew he only was being this honest with him because he was drunk but he knew Sunggyu liked to hear that even if he never showed how happy it made him feel in front of the others. Howon knew Sunggyu still couldn’t believe he loved him back. But Howon really did from the bottom of his heart.

“What’s with you tonight? You only say that because you’re drunk, right? You’re doing things to my heart... I want to hop in the next train and come to you” Sunggyu chuckled. 

Howon wasn’t thinking properly anymore. All he wanted at this moment was to see Sunggyu’s face, to take him in his arms and to tell him how much he loved him. Howon wanted him to meet his family. Never once he had felt this way about someone.

“Why don’t you come, then?” Howon proposed. It was just an idea and he knew Sunggyu was only joking about it but he really want him to come over suddenly.

“Right now? In the middle of the night?” Sunggyu replied with a laugh. Howon knew it sounded ridiculous but he was really wishing for it. “There’s no train until 7am but… I’d be there around 10am tomorrow morning...”

“So you really thought about this?” Howon replied. 

“If you were joking I…”

“I was dead serious! Even few hours are too much I want to see you right now” Howon chuckled at how cheesy he sounded. “I miss you so much hyung”

Sunggyu wasn’t saying anything for a moment so Howon rested his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. It was really cold that night but his heart felt so warm. 

“I booked it” suddenly Sunggyu’s voice against his ear drew him back to reality.

“You did?!” Howon laughed out loud.

“Now go inside before you get sick I don’t want to worry about getting your cold when I kiss you”

“Says the one with the sore throat” Howon teased.

They both laughed and a silence installed. They didn’t want to hang up.

“Let’s go to sleep” Sunggyu pronounced finally. “You better wake up tomorrow morning, you drunkard. You better not stand me up or I’m killing you for real” 

“I won’t” Howon replied. “I will go to sleep now. Goodnight, hyung. Love you.”

“Sweet dreams” the elder whispered. “I love you too”

 

~~

 

Howon was thrilled.

In the subway on his way to the train station he kept texting Sunggyu who was just as excited as he was. Howon had told his mother on the morning that his boyfriend was coming over and rather than being surprised she seemed really happy to hear about it.

The train station was crowded but he spotted Sunggyu’s dyed brown hair in the crowd immediately. He smiled brightly when he noticed Howon coming towards him. 

“I missed you”

Sunggyu hugged him tightly.

On their way back, Howon decided to grab something some snacks and go watch the sea together. The weather was so cold the beach was almost empty. They sat on the stairs to eat because Sunggyu didn't want to get sand in his luggage.

“We should do stuff like this more often” Sunggyu told him. “A picnic by the Han river or going to a sauna, there are so many things I want to do with you” 

“Now that our exams are over we don’t have to hangout at the library all day anymore” Howon grabbed his boyfriend’s hand.

Sunggyu laughed. He rested his temple against Howon’s shoulder and sighed happily watching the sea. Howon was so happy he could have stayed like this forever even if they’d probably freeze to death. 

“How about we stay a bit longer in Busan?” Sunggyu asked. “You can look for an apartment later”

Howon stroked his boyfriend’s hand with his thumb.

“I just have to find a solution about those thin walls. Or I will have to put a gag on you again this may get too kinky” Howon whispered with a smirk as Sunggyu glanced at him.

“Is this all you think about?” the elder asked while leaning away to sit properly.

“Right now? Yes” he admitted as the elder laughed at him.

“I like that we’re always on the same page” Sunggyu looked so serious as he said that Howon couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. “You think I’m kidding? I’m half hard already because of your teasing” 

“But babe...” Howon leaned in to whisper against his ear and slid his hand between Sunggyu’s legs, rubbing his crotch as the latter looked at him, his mouth gaping open. “I didn’t even start teasing you…”


End file.
